Does your family understand agoraphobia ?

[mistymoo]

Hi all, just wondered if anyone has any problems getting thier family to understand the impact agoraphobia has on us ?
My partner and sister have supported me practically for four years, they do everything for me.
But on an emotional level, they havent got a clue, they think agoraphobia is all black and white , that I dont go out which is very true and they say I'm missing so much, well I know that and I dont need people to tell me. I get frustrated at being stuck in, it makes me depressed and they say 'well if its making you depressed, go out then', they are now at a loss as to how to help me. Just wondered if anyone else can relate to it.

[BobbyDog]

I don't think anyone who has not suffered from a mental illness can truely understand how we feel, they can not see it like a broken leg.
Agorophobia is a terrible problem and one that I battle with now and again.

You obviously have a good support network, but, they only know what you tell them about your illness, only you really know how you feel.

take care

[Jamesflames]

It's particularly difficult to explain all the funny little "rules" that go with the agoraphobia. Stuff like how straight routes back to the car are better than too many corners or how doors between you and escape are relevant.

[grotbags]

I don't think people will ever understand unless they have it. I know someone who was a really bad alcoholic for about 20 years, living on the streets and in hostels, and people would say to her "why don't you just stop drinking?"

[kittikat]

It's particularly difficult to explain all the funny little "rules" that go with the agoraphobia. Stuff like how straight routes back to the car are better than too many corners or how doors between you and escape are relevant.

I agree with this...I have to 'plan' everything in my mind before going out anywhere, and always need to know my escape route is nearby.

I also have to be in control, like being able to leave when I want to and not rely on others for transport or let them down at the last minute because my mind tells me I can't go out that day. People often say things like 'don't be silly, theres nothing to worry about' or 'you'll be fine' or 'why don't you ever want to go anywhere'....they just dont get it If only it was that easy I bloody well would be out!! Don't get me wrong, they are trying to understand, but sometimes I get the feeling they think I am just a lazy couch potato....but it's so much more than that as you know only too well.

Kitti

[Starmist]

Totally agree with this.
My partner understands I can't go out and why, but he knows I am getting fed up so he keeps telling me to go out and do something. My family are the same they keep inviting me round to parties and stuff saying it's only at my house. I struggle to get them to understand, but I know they're only worried about me.

I feel the same as you Kitti, there is only so many things you can do before people start thinking you're lazy and such!

[purplesky]

they say I'm missing so much, well I know that and I dont need people to tell me.

So true. If only some people could feel it they may understand more how to help instead of making comments that really aren't helpful, and only serve to make us feel worse..

I hope you can take comfort from the fact that other people do understand and relate to you. I certainly know what you mean.

[rb1978]

When I was having a v bad time with this last year I couldn't even get to my local shop without being terrified and feeling lightheaded like I was going to collapse in the street. I remember confiding in someone that I was struggling even to go to my own village centre and things were bad.

The self same person told me a few weeks later that if I was feeling fed up I needed to get out for a nice, long walk in the sun. That'd perk me up.

The mind boggles really.

[purplesky]

Mental illness - the invisible illness. No-one likes to admit they have ever had it or know someone who has but most people do.

The stigma makes no sense, because mental illness is all around us, and indeed part of us all. How many people are truly able to say they have never been stressed or down. Even if it has not developed into a longer term problem, most people could relate if they wanted to, they just don't want to. The fear that surrounds talking about mental illness is mind boggling really.

I'm not saying everyone should be able to relate to everything, but a little more thought before they speak so glibly would work wonders sometimes.

[little wren]

hey mistymoo

My OH understands but it took him a long time...we were always out and about...kind of outdoorsy people before and it impacted on him as well. I just grit my teeth and do exposure therapy, because I think the alternative (being housebound) is worse than the fear of being out.

Kitty totally understand about knowing where your exits are...I also have to know which way the windows are facing so I can orientate myself.

little wren x