Feeling 'cut off' from other people

[Jezza]

Hi does anyone else feel like this? Basically I often feel like i am wearing a mask when out the house or with friends/aquaintences. I feel so different to other people, too sensitive, too scarred by experiences. I am just not interested in alot of things that they are-i am not materialistic or competitive at all but many people seem to be. Many people don't seem nice. I find it hard to be with people who haven't been through much in life as i have been through some horrible things and some stuff seems trivial. I am exhausted after being with people and so relieved to get home/when they go.

[Mr Brownstone]

Yeah, I get some of that. I feel like im different from everyone else.That everyones having fun and im just watching telly by myself. And many people dont seem "nice", they only think about themselves and have no thoughts for others. I enjoy the occasional night out, with 1 or 2 pals at most, but am always glad to get home.

[Anxious_gal]

Studies show that insecure people or people with social anxiety have a habbit of of viewing others as more aggressive or mean.
I think when you're so self conscious you become too sensitive and then it becomes a bit of a self fulling prophecy.

You also haven't met the right people .
I get on better with men as I find conversations with them to be more upbeat and interesting , where as some women talk way too much about their feelings , problems and life.
I don't mean that in a mean way , it's just I do enjoy talking to people who share my interests and get excited about the same things.

There is a type of people that use banter and insults as a way to communicate .
Men do this a lot , so you need to to not take it personally as often it's them being friendly!

Maybe join a club or go to a convention or join something that interests you?
You'd meet people with the same interests .

I find it do frustrating at times not having friends that share a lot of my interests :(
It gets lonely in a weird way.
I adore my friends n am grateful for them but the conversation doesn't always interest me .

[theharvestmouse]

I feel cut off from old friends because I have done just that, cut myself off from them.

[BobbyDog]

The people that are not nice to you are not worthy of being called your friends.

I suffer from social anxiety and I treat each person I meet with the same amount of repect; and I see the good in people and forgive them for making mistakes, we are only human. So I don't fit into the social anxiety sufferer's norm.

Perhaps you will eventually meet someone you can connect with and who shares your values, it is difficult.

[theharvestmouse]

I changed as a person, I think most people do as they get older.

[Beckybooboo]

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time with this, I too like many others on here know how difficult it can be just to "be yourself."

With anxiety/depression/OCD and many other mental health issues it's easy sometimes for someone to retreat to having many personas depending on the type of person they're with. For example, only my best friend, boyfriend and my family know the real me whereas if I'm at work, I put on the biggest front going.

You need to accept WHO YOU ARE and that you're a beautiful person inside and out, no matter what your issues are telling you. Loving yourself is key if you wish to love and be loved in return.

I have a blog: www.beckybowerenspiller.wordpress.com which has loads of tips for self acceptance and I'm literally just about to start an entry on there now about acceptance.

I hope you find peace.

All the best,
Becky

[Idstain]

It might seem a little out there but might i recommend compassion meditation.

Even small amounts (like 10mins a day) can make a big difference to how you relate to other people and has been proven to make significant changes in the brain. Almost everybody has social anxiety to some degree, just people diagnosed with SAD are further down the scale than most. People at the top of the scale would be people like the dalai lama.

Like i said, it's a little out there but in my experience it's the one of the few ways where you are going to get real change.

And like beckybooboo says above, self-acceptance is imperative. This too can be practiced in meditation.

This book is an excellent resource for both self-compassion and compassion for others http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mindful-...7696365&sr=8-1

good luck!

[Jezza]

Thank you both so much, I will check out those links

[Connor_cbt]

Hi Jezza,
I could be way off the mark but some things are coming through from your post which are similar to some of my experience and what I am learning through my course.
It seems like you are saying a couple of different things, it sounds like you feel that there are things you have been through that you haven't quite processed fully and when these things come up again you're propelled backwards and go through all the related feelings and emotions like they are fresh again. Another thing that comes across is that you seem to feel that it is wrong for you to have those feelings, maybe that they are self indulgent or a sign of weakness and have to put on your mask or facade so that your friends won't know what's really going on again maybe because you feel it's a vulnerability and are worried about how people will respond. There is a theory that says every action has an equal and opposite reaction and what happens when we put effort into hiding something from people, we create a tension. Our minds when functioning at its basic level senses, perceives and responds and you're adding an extra defense filter so it then has to figure out if that response is suitable to maintain your mask and that's a lot of extra work!

It sounds like, if you could resolve your thoughts and feelings about your past and feel as though the TRUE you was a person you felt ok with sharing with other people you wouldn't need that mask any longer and would feel more confident and not as worn out and vulnerable in those situations. I really reccommend Carl Roberts on becoming a person to understand that way better than I could ever explain!