HIV phobia/ocd

[Ruby8]

Happens every time although I don't put myself 'out there' any more as I know I just can't handle it. It truly is brutal and destroying. Life just stops until I know I am negative. x

[Mr Brownstone]

You're gonna have to stop having the "sexy time"

[Ruby8]

I sure am Mr B, it just ain't worth the trauma.

[southey]

Even though you are certainly negative and a test will put your mind at rest does it help to know that being HIV positive is no longer the terrible thing it was years ago and with over 20 different drugs available the virus is considered manageable and people should expect a normal lifespan?

I had this fear over 10 years ago which was the start of my health anxiety but never got tested as I was able to over time to reason with myself I was not at risk.

I must have read every article going and became proficient in HIV knowledge and treatments. Since then 10 years have past and treatments have improved to the extent that people can take 1 pill a day. That's not to say having HIV is a picnic but it's certainly not doom and gloom as it was in the 80's and early 90's.

Being a worried well is no fun is it?

Atb,

Steve

[Ruby8]

Bless you Steve. The irony is if any one of my friends or family said they were HIV positive I wouldn't bat an eyelid, same as if they told me they had diabetes or cancer or any other type of illness so why am I so hard on myself? I 'lose' the logic when the depression kicks in with it. You are 100% right, being HIV is no longer a death sentence, I guess I still think there is a stigma out there.

Worried well is such a good phrase.
x

[Mr Brownstone]

How you getting on Ruby?

[babygirl08]

hi ruby. i have the same problem, i am absolutely afraid of hiv. and i do admit that sometimes this phobia gets the best of me which destroys me inside and out. being so paranoid about hiv is such a bad thing. it affects me badly asmuch as those around me especially my boyfriend, he goes absolutely nuts and threatens to break up because i take it to far. i have taken two tests already, both negative and for some reason my brain seems to make up things so i wil not be satisfied about the result although inside im so happy about being negative. i make up things like ''oh what if the result was wrong'' or if the result will change overnight or something even though i wasnt really at risk in the first place. i madenmy boyfriend take so many tests for nothing,and it affects our relationship. it actually kills the affection and love. i really dont mean to but it freaks me out. im so afraid to get scratched or cut by anything i just wish i could stop this now. i have major panic attacks seriously. i cant breathe at times my body goes numb i become nauseas and it isnt fun. i use to be such a bubbly person always hapy now im to afraid to eat with my hands or to drink or eat from anyone. please help me!!!! how do i stop this

[babygirl08]

I suffer wid a huge hiv phobia. Its gotten terrible i cannot carry on from day to day. Does anyone know of ways to help get over this

[Jean18]

I suffer wid a huge hiv phobia. Its gotten terrible i cannot carry on from day to day. Does anyone know of ways to help get over this

Hey babygirl08, it was actually comforting to read ur posts coz I'm going through the exact same thing. Constant fear, the tiniest things set me off and I have to run to the sink and wash my hands. If I see a red mark I automatically assume its blood and my head screams danger!!!! Lately I want to just crawl into bed and cry coz I think "what if I'm like this for the rest of my life? How the hell would I start a new relationship if my current one ended? Hi my name is jean and before I give u my number do u have HIV?".... Yeah wouldn't go down so well. I feel so uncomfortable when I visit my family coz I worry I'll infect them, and its all so crazy- I'm NOT infected, I've never even been at risk having only been with one person (my current partner who has tested negative) and I've never done drugs. The sad part is I've studied immunology and microbiology so I know all about the disease and I know just how silly I'm being coz if u could catch HIV by eating out at a restaurant or going shopping and touching surfaces then damn we'd all have it! But trying to reason with a phobia is useless. I'm in the process of getting help and am about to start seeing a psychiatrist. It also helps when u let close friends know- u don't have to be specific just say ur a germaphobe and suffer from anxiety. That's what I tell myself now "stop trying to reason with ur anxiety, it doesnt listen, just breathe and tomorrow this particular incident won't seem so scary". If ur not already seeing a psychiatrist then u need to start. You've already taken the first steps in admitting to yourself/realising that u suffer from anxiety and OCD.
It won't be easy to get over this but u have to stay strong and keep moving forward, don't let it cripple u (this is what I tell myself by the way) I won't let it sink me into depression coz I know it will if I give up.
Keep me posted bout how ur doing Hun, it helps to talk about these things

[B-Brain]

Hi everybody!

I think Jean has made a very good point: you can't always reason with anxiety, sometimes it just is.

But having said that, I just want to re-assure everybody that it is actually quite difficult to contract HIV. As a gay man myself, I'm used to a certain level of (positive) discrimination from medical professionals, I.e. every time I walk into a doctors surgery, doesn't matter if its for a sore thumb, the FIRST thing they do is send me off for an HIV test.

But what I've learnt is that being sensible and not taking unnecessary risks is the best protection. Be selective with your sexual partners, use a condom and don't worry yourself. Of course there is always a small risk, but life itself is a calculated risk. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow crossing the road. But if I use the pedestrian crossing and look first before I cross, that risk becomes a whole lot smaller.

We mustn't wrap ourselves in cotton wool. Life is to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest. As long as we respect ourselves and each other, there's no reason why we shouldn't.

That's what I try to do. But I'm the first to admit I'm work in progress