Hi,
Not sure where to put this really but I guess, as it's my personal view of Social Anxiety then I spose this is the best place!
It's from the heart and I'm putting it here not to depress anyone further but in an effort to help non sufferers (eg partners) to maybe understand us a bit more..........hence the title.
I hope it's of some help.[:I]
Understand
Why can't you see I'm trapped?
Can't you hear the screams and pleas?
You're happy to nurture when all is quiet
Yet turn away when I need you the most
Emotional pain twists like a knife
Slicing deep cuts that bleed
Fresh blood on half-healed wounds
A landscape formed from years of scar upon scar
I feel a failure and alone
I didn't choose this path I walk
I was steered down it before I can even remember
Do you know where I am? Do you even care?
To walk in the sunshine with a smile on my face
Without a care in the world
A slow leisurely pace
At which to enjoy the colours and sounds all around me
But I don't know how that feels
Every rehearsed step is a race from A to B
To make it back to my inner sanctum
Where there's no-one to stare, judge or snigger
It's not the outside that I fear
It's the people who fill it
If there were just empty streets and countryside
I could walk freely from dusk til dawn
There'd be no plucking up courage to greet
No panic or rejection as I, head lowered, pass by
No judging, no whispering, no pointing
This would be Heaven…….wouldn't it?
But, then where would I be?
Just the same place on a much larger scale
Instead of being alone inside myself
I'd be alone outside
No laughing, no sharing, no friendship, no love..
All of the things that I yearn for
Things I see from inside this prison
Things always just beyond my reach
I'll escape from here one day
Not through the window or a hole in the wall
I'll find the key that I know is here somewhere
I'll unlock the door and walk out proudly with my head held high
The sun and a big smile will light up my face
I'll dance in the rain
Run in the snow - arms outstretched
Loving life and laughing all the way
Until then though, the dreams fade away
The smile that brushed my lips disappears
And I inwardly curl up and brace myself
Against the next dark onslaught of panic and fear
And loneliness returns……..
Into my life
But this is no life
It's a sentence for which I have committed no crime
B Wolf
xx
PS. If you're still awake.......thanks for reading!
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