Driving Lessons

[DreamsInSpace2]

I have been driving 2 and a 1/2 months now and for the third time he had to drive me back today. I have tried to stay strong and keep pushing myself. I really want to drive and have the independence of being able to drive but it feels like I can't do anything and this anxiety takes over everything. I have been trying so hard and trying to pick myself up every time I've felt intense anxiety driving but when I get a panic attack when driving I can't focus I can't redeem myself I feel like I can't breath I have to pull over I literally can't drive so how am I ever going to be able to push through this?? I thought I was finally getting there and improving but then I started driving today and I stalled (stalling is a big fear for me) and things went wrong. I put the clutch in first when going downhill instead of the break first not realising it was different going down the hill. I freaked and by the time we pulled out of my home town I was having a very big panic attack. I told him I couldn't do it. This time I was genuinely upset. I was very scared and it's probably the biggest anxiety attack I've had whilst driving. So I had to pull over and he drove me back. I couldn't speak I was so upset and so frightened. When we got back to my house he asked me "Is driving really for you?" I replied "I have no choice. I need to learn to drive" if I don't learn to drive it is one more thing on the list of things I can't do because of anxiety. I have always had anxiety and I never realised driving would be this hard (I always knew it'd be hard just not as hard as it is). I burst into tears in front of him I couldn't help it which made me feel weaker. He was trying to talk to me but I could not speak I was so upset and I just wanted my home. When I left I got into my bedroom and I just cried and cried. I feel like I can't ever get over this anxiety when driving and when I get anxious when driving I can't drive it is intense the fear and I feel like I can't breath and I don't have control over what I am doing. All concentration goes out the window. It's bringing me down. I want to be able to drive, to be able to work, to live away from my family and to study but these are all the things anxiety takes from me. I am not sure what to do. I want the independence I want to be able to do these things but anxiety isn't letting me and I have tried so hard to fight it. To say no I am doing this but today was the worse panic attack I'd had whilst driving. I just needed to get home and this time I am close to admitting defeat and not trying any more. Has anyone else out there had these troubles when driving? Anxiety to the point they can't focus and have to be driven home or stop the lesson and who have overcame them?? What can I do that might help? I don't know what to do. I also fear driving far from home it also terrifies me and of course to get onto the roads I have to. Any advice would be welcomed, and thank you for reading this

[grace17]

Hello DreamsInSpace i know how anxiety can be debillitating but my advice to you is to not try to set yourself to pass your test quickly or have so many lessons.Take your time with it and make sure you look after yourself and if you take it slow and dont rush yourself you will get there. I know you can do it.

(((hugs))) Believe in yourself. . xxx

[DreamsInSpace2]

Thank you so much. :-)

I hope I can. It has been so hard and I also don't like the pressure of not being able to cancel last minute if I feel anxious. I have messaged another driving school who apparently specialises in those who are anxious but I would feel guilty leaving my current driving instructor who is lovely and told me he is happy to teach me. He is not doing anything wrong I am just struggling emotionally and wondered if anyone did specialise in those who are anxious. However my instructor has twice now asked if driving is for me which to me seems maybe he is too kind to let me go but really finds me too much hard work for him to teach??

I really hope I can and do pass eventually. I'd really like to be passed by the end of the year it is so difficult but with the anxiety it does scare me after I've passed my test I hope I don't lose focus due to anxiety or do you feel it'd be different once I have passed and know how to drive confidently which I hope I will be one day. It's so hard and I do feel close to giving up trying.xxx

[eight days a week]

I used to suffer a lot in the car (many years after passing my test) to the point where I was scared to drive and mostly didn't use the car at all. CBT was the answer for that for me, it very very rarely happens anymore, and not to the same extent

I see you've asked about the CBT trial program on the other thread, why not also ask if it will help with your driving? (Sure it will!) You can also get CBT face-to-face through the NHS (will take some months on the waiting list) or privately (expensive!)

Basically you need to change your reaction to your thoughts and challenge them with evidence e.g. you said 'I needed to get home'. I know that's how you felt, but where is the evidence for it?

As for your instructor I would maybe phone them and explain your concerns and that you really want to stay with them, but have found a place that specialises in anxiety, again though you'd rather stay with them if they think you can do it, and what do they think you should do?

Good luck

[DreamsInSpace2]

Thank you :-)

I have seen a CBT therapist before and nothing improved. It could be the therapists I have seen and the therapy I've received I am not sure. I am on ANOTHER waiting list for more therapy even though I have gone through several therapists, psychologists etc. I am at my wits end with it all! Feel like I always have something to be fearful of. I have emailed the other driving school in which states they specialise in those with anxiety (seems to be the only one around) and I have told them how anxious I am and going to wait for a response from them first. I do really like my driving instructor but feel I need something more relaxed not as pressuring as when I do get a bit more confident he tries to push me a little further too soon and I also need someone who understands that I might just want to stay in the area and not drive on the quiet roads as it can be anxiety provoking for me. It's really brought me down as I knew it'd be hard but not quite as hard as it has been and I am already supposed to be half way through most people have a max of 20 lessons I have 10 lessons and I am still struggling to get rid of these anxious thoughts. I don't want to fail in this too and I DO want the independence it is so hard and frustrating. There was no evidence I needed to get home but my anxiety was so bad I felt I'd just break. I couldn't breath, I had that sensation in my chest, throat etc. and it was so bad I couldn't do it and felt I really needed out that situation or I'd just breakdown. It's such an awful feeling as you all more than likely know!! ox

[potato11]

Hi DreamInSpace

I just wanted to add, I learnt to drive prior to having panic attacks etc and to be quite frank I don't know how they didn't start them!! lol

I used to be properly sweating after a lesson, and if I stalled or something my leg would be shaking and it would be hard to use the pedals

and I didn't have any 'issues' with inappropriate anxiety back then

learning to drive can be VERY nerve wracking- but try your best, because once you pass, after a couple of weeks, driving feels like walking/riding a bike

good luck

[Elle-Kay]

I can see exactly where you're coming from, and sympathise - I learned to drive after my anxiety started, and it was hard work. I have always found some comfort in driving myself though, as I know I have to concentrate on the road/other drivers and in concentrating on that I can't allow myself to panic, for my own safety and the safety of other road users. Take heart though - I did pass (first time even!) and so can you! It doesn't matter how many lessons 'other people' have - you do it in your own time, and you put in for your test when you are confident that you are ready. You will be a better driver in the long-term for it.

If you really find that you are struggling, particularly with the complexities (you mentioned confusion between the clutch and brake when travelling downhill, and worrying about stalling particularly - I struggled with gear changes at junctions myself and hill starts!), could you perhaps try learning in an automatic car? Or switch to learning to ride a moped for the time being? You would still have some independence, but with less intensity in the learning process than learning to drive a car (manual car at least).

Good luck with whatever you choose!

[eight days a week]

I do completely understand my friend, and it's the worst feeling possible.

Please don't take the fact that CBT hasn't worked before to mean it won't do again - it was probably just not the right therapist for you

With a great therapist it helped me immensely (I could barely even walk into shops most days when I started, and was mostly scared to leave the house at all). I still have a lot of problems, and 'crashes' where those times return, but they are less frequent, and not constant like they were before, and last weekend even made it to two big concerts in London!

I am not 'cured' though by any means, so am considering the trial on here as a 'top up'. Do ask Robin if he thinks it can help your driving, with a free 30 day trial I don't think you can go wrong - try it for that long and if you don't think it's worth the money don't pay for it!

Good luck mate

[DreamsInSpace2]

Thank you to you all :-)

It's promising to hear some of you passed your tests. It is difficult. Unfortunately when I have anxiety I can't concentrate on anything and the thought of a car being in my control worsens it and I have to stop driving. But I hope the anxiety over driving, lessens soon. I might take a couple of weeks break from driving and try to get my head around it and relax a little then start a fresh. It might be that the driving school I emailed feel they are able to help me more with my driving so two weeks break to not think about it might help if I do start a fresh with a new school. You're right I am thinking too much about wanting to pass in a similar amount of time to others I feel left behind as most of my friends have been driving 3-4 years and my brother has passed his driving test for now 5 months now and he is younger than me. So it does make me feel quite left behind and down about it. I also feel useless in a few areas in my life due to my anxiety because I don't work etc.

I'm sorry to hear you struggled to go outside. I developed agoraphobia at one point in my life (2 years ago now) and it lasted a couple of years but I got through that and I went through a coping stage but now I am back to really struggling, getting panic attacks and my anxiety worsening it is so tiring. I am seeing a counsellor but felt it worsens my anxiety talking about it, I have not been for two weeks, I feel like I shouldn't reach out for help yet I am not coping neither so it is a hard decision to make xx

[eight days a week]

I am a very deep thinker (too much so!) and find, just for myself, that often I get too caught up in things, and it's when I have a break and allow things to slowly root themselves in my subconscious, rather than thinking about them consciously and analysing them, that they actually fall into place!

For example, in a conversation I often find it hard to reply as I'd like. And then, without thinking about, it'll pop into my head later "oh! That's what I wanted to say!"

I had the same thing with driving. Loads of lessons and failed my test, and I was always over-thinking every tiny thing I did in the car. I wasn't struggling because I couldn't do it, I was struggling because I was over-thinking everything and not doing things by instinct!

So, I had a break, and when I went back to it it was just so very much easier

That may be just me, but it's a thought that jumped out at me when I read your last post.

Also, just laying off the pressure on yourself for a little while might help?

I think CBT by either a good therapist or maybe trying the online thing here would really help you by some of the things you say. It will change how you think about things (e.g. "I have to stop driving").

I've never tried the free trial here (yet) and have no link to Robin at all, promise, so I'm not trying to sell it to you! I have just read so many good things about their course, and know the owner of this website a bit, and if she endorses it it must be pretty good I reckon!

P.S. Really love your username!!