Woke up to that rising feeling of panic...

[Meewah]

I fall asleep well on a night but come about 4am I start to either dream or wake easy and then my mind goes on the rampage. Well my eldest has a bad cough and suffers from asthma. Why oh why do I wake thinking the worse thoughts possible. I have to fight myself and try to concentrate on the here and now. I usually end up losing the battle with my mind and getting up at stupid o'clock to engage my mind in some internet surfing. Anyhow I have this rising feeling of panic when my mind starts and I can feel all the usual symptoms of panic taking over. The question I always come back to is, Am I worrying unduly or is my worry and panic useful in any way? I feel not. If I could just control the panicky feelings may be I could be more constructive and deal with my sons illness in a calm and coping way.
Does anyone suffer the same way. I find I panic even if I feel something is wrong with my families health even if the say nothings wrong.

Mee

[Hawthorn]

Oh Mee, I'm right there with you.

I have four children and I fret and worry all of the time.
When I was younger, my friend (aroudn the same age my youngest is now) was killed by a car. Everytime they leave the house I panic that they are going to get hit and I'll get that policeman at the door. Even with my 17 year old, this happens.

My youngest also had asthma when he was younger, but hasn't needed his inhaler for over a year. It IS worrying every time they cough. He was hospitalised for a few days when he had his first attack (he was 2) and I moved his bed into my room so I could be with him for quite a while after he came home.

I think a really positive thing is that you recognise your tendency to panic - that should help with not letting your anxieties rub off on the children. I think it's important that we don't let our anxieties run their lives for them too. Sadly my parents never recognised that in themselves :(

But honestly, I think most parents would say they feel some level of anxiety concerning their families health. I have had this conversation with my sister - she feels it too, but refuses to acknowledge it (I wish i was that strong) some, like you and I, I think it returns to our thoughts often. Sometimes constantly.

Did you do any research on asthma? I found for me, that knowledge helped me to put things in perspective, since it was no longer a mystery illness affecting my child.

Anyway, good luck with it. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful but I totally understand where you are coming from and it IS horrible.

[Meewah]

Thanks for the reply.

I know quite a bit about asthma. I realised that I started suffering with more anxiety as I used to have nightmares that one of them had been hit by a car. I just seem to be a bag of nerves when it comes to my family. I can fall apart quite easily and then I am no use to anyone. My wife is the more blasé of us. Nothing seems to bother her. Sometimes I feel like all the weight of the family is on me but I know I don't do many of the day to day chores. This worries me as well as I sometimes lay awake at night thinking what if anything happened to my wife, I would fall apart and probably be of no use to anyone. Scary!!

Its difficult when you are torn between love for your family and the stress and anxiety it creates you. Sometimes I just wish I could bury my head in the sand for ever.

Mee

[Hawthorn]

I used to have the same dreams Mee. I'd wake up in a cold sweat and be useless for the rest of the day

I know exactly what you mean about your wife too. My husband is for sure the stronger one there.
We just have to remember that it's the anxiety doing it's job when we fall apart.
We are on a tight budget here, and silly things like breaking a dish, or one of the kids needing new shoes/clothes/school trip money can quite easily make me feel like I'm going to explode.
Wanting to bury your head in the sand I totally get too. Being a parent when you're well, is a difficult job. Add in anxiety/depression and it feels totally overwhelming and unmanageable. I'm just thankful that it comes in waves and isn't there permanently otherwise I feel like I'd just shut down.

I just try to tell myself that all of those 'I can't cope, I'm useless at this' thoughts are the anxiety demons in my head, and replace them with 'you're stronger than you think, and this feeling will pass' or something similar. I have just sat on my bed, literally repeating this over and over (neighbours probably think I lost it totally) and it does seem to work eventually. It helps for me to say it out loud. Drowns out that little voice in my head

Anyway, I hope you're feeling a bit better today, and didn't get woken so early

[Meewah]

Thanks Hawthorn

I think you hit the nail on the head. I don't want to sound sexist but I am the man about the house and my role should be the protector. I am 6' 5" tall and feel my role I cannot provide. I sometimes wonder if my wife feels she made a mistake? I do try to over compensate by being more alpha male in the less anxiety driven sides of our relationship and before you get ideas, I don't mean that :-). I feel so small and not a good role model to my children too. Your right about money. Sometimes it feels like everything is out to break or stop functioning when you are at your worse. My sons cough is getting much better and so at least I can sleep a little now. I wont tell my wife this because she has to live with me so I need to air it on this forum. I hope you all the best.

Mee

[Hawthorn]

Hey,

Sorry it took a couple of days to reply. Not so good at the moment and my mind is a wee bit hazy.

I know what you mean about the roles - I'm an old fashioned girl too at heart. My husband goes out to work, I'm a housewife. Right now suck at the housewife part. I just can't get my act together at all. We do eat well, I'm a good cook, but so disorganised. And with four children that's really not something you want to be

I honestly think though that we're better people than we give ourselves credit for. We just have no faith in our own abilities. Working on changing that but it's not easy.

[trish1955]

i to wake up most days in a state of panic some morning lts lower than others this mornin was so bad now i am wore out before i even start any house work even though i have sudderd for 40yrs it still scares me as you think maybe this is some thing else maybe i am going to die there is so many maybes and all you want to do is win the bloody thing and every time you think you wont but aye we here to do it all again tomorrow it makes you wonder were it comes from when you have been a sllep what the hell could bring it on wish i new any way take care trish

[Meewah]

Trish

Your right, I feel the problem is that REM sleep you go through just before you wake, They say this is the time when you dream the most and when your brain is active. If you are sensitised then of course the part of your brain that is sensitised is going to be more active and hence I have the worse thoughts of my children dying and it scare the hell out of me. If I have a lot of stress or problem solving to do I can wake in the wee hours for days in a row. This morning I woke at 3.45am but managed to drift in and out of sleep with each time I experienced different thoughts and dream like states. They say the parts of your seeing cycle that are deep sleep are the times you repair yourself and are the closest you feel to being dead.

Sorry to end on a bad note but it fascinates me how anxious thoughts are thrown to the forefront of your mind when you need them the least. Nigh time has always been a fearful time for me even when I was young I suffered and had to have radio 4 playing in the background to get to sleep.

At least we know we are not alone. :-)

Mee