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Thread: This is her last chance!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    292

    Unhappy This is her last chance!

    hello
    if you have read some of my post before you will know i struggle with a lot of mental health issues which arent supported by my mother if not she makes them worse by constantly putting me down. i try speaking to her but she just gets defensive or aggressive so instead i have wrote her a letter and i am going to put it on her before i send it to seek advice if i need to change it or not. (when i mention kids lucas and charlotte theyre my younger brother and sister she wont let me see).

    Dear Mum,
    I really dont know how to start this letter. All i know is i cant deal with our relationship continuing in this way.
    I know you dont believe me but i do love and the kids very much and deep down you know that. I wish i could still see the kids and take them out but i cant do this without seeing you. And we cant help but argue.
    I dont want that. Ideally i would love us to be close and honest with one another but i know you are a proud person and dont want to admit any kind of fault. Dont get me wrong i am not trying to blame you for everything thats gone wrong in my life because that isnt tru and to be honest i dont want to focus too much on the past but instead the present.
    I wish i could call you when i have had a crappy day and have a cry on the phone to you because as my mum i expect you to listen and to provide sympathy and support.
    But i honestly feel now that this will never be possible. As we are two very different people. I deal with problems with talking to people and hugs etc. Where as you have convinced yourself that no one truelly cares aboout you so you keep everything bottled up as you see this as being "strong".
    I dont want to be 17 years old living on my own with no family which i can rely on. But right now it seems like my only option as i dont think you gave ever give me what i so desperately need from you. I have been ignoring your calls and texts for this reason because it is hard to admit that something you want so badly will never materialise.
    I really struggle to speak to you because you seem to either not listen or twist my words. For example the other night when i asked if youd like to come to my flat you were very argumentative and started saying i "just couldnt be assed walking to see you" which wasnt it at all. I honestly just wanted you and the kids to see my flat and my new pet and if i am being hnesty i feel generally safer in my flat as i feel it is less likely that you will start arguing with me because you care too much about what people think.
    Whenevr i think about our relationship i always have the same thought of how if i had a daughter i would never treat her the way youve treated me. Yes i havent been an angel but i havent been the worst daughter in the world either like you make me out to be.
    I understand in your eyes i caused you hassle when i had depression and was slef harming and never in school. But that wasnt my fault i was mentally ill and still am. You were supportive at first but in my eyes you soon became impatient and obviously thought it would only last a few months.
    Dont deny you would say nasty things for example when i asked why you didnt want to come to more councilling sessions saying "why should i go im not the one whos crazy". I remeber all the horrible things youve said to me in the past and the cling to me and drag me down every day. Yes i have said horrible things to you as well but always inb retaliation i have never phoned you up and just started saying horrible things for no reason like you do with me.
    The truth is i know you hate me. I know that sounds over dramatic but what other ocnclusion am i meant to come to when all you ever do is put me down. You never show any interest with what im doing in my life the only time i can recently remeber you being nice to me is when you broke up with mike and needed my support. And i was supportive hoping this was a turning point and we could support one another. But it wasnt. You want me to treat you with respect but you refuse to do the same for me.
    I cant keep begging for your love and attention at the end of the day there is nothing more i can do if you want a relationship between is for once you are going to have to do something about it because im not strong enough to try again and be shot down once more.
    At some point i have to walk away.





    THANKS FOR READING GUYS

  2. #2

    Re: This is her last chance!

    I can feel you so much. . .
    I don't think the letter gets offensive or anything so as long as these are your thoughts just go for it.
    All best!
    __________________
    If things go wrong, don't go with them. ~Roger Babson

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    292

    Re: This is her last chance!

    thank you. i know i needed the right balance of honesty with the right words so she wont get defensive xxx

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    218

    Re: This is her last chance!

    i think its a nice honest letter to your mum and i hope she sees sense and treats you how you want to be treated i really hope you get the outcome you want good luck if your mum blows her chance then its her mums loss on a strong supportive loving daughter x

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    5,121

    Re: This is her last chance!

    that is a very good letter and you put a lot of thought into your letter. go for it. thinking of you.
    __________________
    All things are possible.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    292

    Re: This is her last chance!

    thank you honestly these comments make me feel stronger and feel like im actually worth something. I just dont want mum to see the letter as an attack or a "sympathy" note. she is constantly saying im just wanting people to feel sorry for me and that im making stuff up but i think she just feels so guilty about some of the things she has put me through that she just convinces herself it never happened and then she just blames everything on me but i just cant cope with that anymore xxx

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,999

    Re: This is her last chance!

    Well done for writing that letter, it has taken a lot of courage.

    You are right about respect, it works both ways, you have to give to receive.

    Hopefully she will understand how sad you feel when she reads it.

    I hope you will both be able to repair your relationship with each other.

    take care
    __________________
    Every blessed day we wake up to the fullness of pristine purity and innocense free from the pain of the past and fear of the future. 'Carlos Santana'

    BobbyDog

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    544

    Re: This is her last chance!

    I think you have expressed your feelings really well in your letter, and it is a great idea to send it to your Mother. Often letters are read several times through, and hopefully your Mother will reflect long and hard on the words you have written, and realise how much you need her love, and how much love you have to give too.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    197

    Re: This is her last chance!

    I think that you've done the right thing by writing that letter and I really do wish for the best outcome to come from all of this as I know that you've really been struggling the last few months.

    I wish you the best of luck hun, if you need me, feel free to message me as always.

    All the best,
    Becky
    __________________
    Never give up; there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

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