Bad Sexual Intrusive Thoughts/OCD

[desperate_teen]

I really don't know how old this post is now, but I am so desperate for help. I've never told anyone about the thoughts I have but I just think I need to know that Im normal. Ever since I was younger Id become obssessed with ideas, like, Id have to pray every night, that my family would be safe, and I couldnt ever right a '+' symbol without puting a 'X' over it so it looked like a star and not a crucifix, because I was terrified of hell. As I got older the habbits changed, the most recent one, was magpies, like the rhyme "1 for sorrow 2 for joy" like Id have to count and become terrified they were signs that something bad would happen, I use 7/11 breathing to help over come that, but recently Ive been really scared, it kind of came out of nowhere, but I suddenly started thinking I'm a pedofile. Im terrified. A lot of my symptoms are similar to this post. Like, I was watching TV and a nappy advert came on with a babies bare butt and I thought "Are they allowed to show that?" then I got freaked out for noticing, like why would I pick that out? I am honestly disgusted by the thoughts. I've always loved kids, and want to be a mother (to the point where I almost trained to be a midwife) and I've never had this kind of thing before - infact, quite the oposite, I become quite obsessed when I was 15, with labeling my sexuality, which I figure is normal? and Ive always known I was into BDSM, and the like, but NEVER anything like that. I literally researched the history of what I liked, found a community, that kind of thing and there hasnt ever been a problem! I promise I'm not attracted to children it's just the thoughts that I can't help thinking, but I'm so scared. I can't talk to anyone in my house about it because they wouldnt understand. I'm really worried there's something wrong with me.

[Ryan92]

I really don't know how old this post is now, but I am so desperate for help. I've never told anyone about the thoughts I have but I just think I need to know that Im normal. Ever since I was younger Id become obssessed with ideas, like, Id have to pray every night, that my family would be safe, and I couldnt ever right a '+' symbol without puting a 'X' over it so it looked like a star and not a crucifix, because I was terrified of hell. As I got older the habbits changed, the most recent one, was magpies, like the rhyme "1 for sorrow 2 for joy" like Id have to count and become terrified they were signs that something bad would happen, I use 7/11 breathing to help over come that, but recently Ive been really scared, it kind of came out of nowhere, but I suddenly started thinking I'm a pedofile. Im terrified. A lot of my symptoms are similar to this post. Like, I was watching TV and a nappy advert came on with a babies bare butt and I thought "Are they allowed to show that?" then I got freaked out for noticing, like why would I pick that out? I am honestly disgusted by the thoughts. I've always loved kids, and want to be a mother (to the point where I almost trained to be a midwife) and I've never had this kind of thing before - infact, quite the oposite, I become quite obsessed when I was 15, with labeling my sexuality, which I figure is normal? and Ive always known I was into BDSM, and the like, but NEVER anything like that. I literally researched the history of what I liked, found a community, that kind of thing and there hasnt ever been a problem! I promise I'm not attracted to children it's just the thoughts that I can't help thinking, but I'm so scared. I can't talk to anyone in my house about it because they wouldnt understand. I'm really worried there's something wrong with me.

Hi, to NMP. I have intrusive thoughts too, I assure you they are very common and normal. Anyone can start to have them and everyone will at some stage in their lives.

Hopefully these sites will help explain better and help you

http://www.drmartinseif.com/resource...-thoughts.html
http://ocdfree.tumblr.com/howtooverc...rusivethoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

I really don't know how old this post is now, but I am so desperate for help. I've never told anyone about the thoughts I have but I just think I need to know that Im normal. Ever since I was younger Id become obssessed with ideas, like, Id have to pray every night, that my family would be safe, and I couldnt ever right a '+' symbol without puting a 'X' over it so it looked like a star and not a crucifix, because I was terrified of hell. As I got older the habbits changed, the most recent one, was magpies, like the rhyme "1 for sorrow 2 for joy" like Id have to count and become terrified they were signs that something bad would happen, I use 7/11 breathing to help over come that, but recently Ive been really scared, it kind of came out of nowhere, but I suddenly started thinking I'm a pedofile. Im terrified. A lot of my symptoms are similar to this post. Like, I was watching TV and a nappy advert came on with a babies bare butt and I thought "Are they allowed to show that?" then I got freaked out for noticing, like why would I pick that out? I am honestly disgusted by the thoughts. I've always loved kids, and want to be a mother (to the point where I almost trained to be a midwife) and I've never had this kind of thing before - infact, quite the oposite, I become quite obsessed when I was 15, with labeling my sexuality, which I figure is normal? and Ive always known I was into BDSM, and the like, but NEVER anything like that. I literally researched the history of what I liked, found a community, that kind of thing and there hasnt ever been a problem! I promise I'm not attracted to children it's just the thoughts that I can't help thinking, but I'm so scared. I can't talk to anyone in my house about it because they wouldnt understand. I'm really worried there's something wrong with me.

Hi,

Make sure you read this from OCD UK.

http://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd

It sounds like you have Magical Thinking OCD, which is one of mine. Do you feel that if you don't pray, something bad would happen to your family? If yes, it is MTOCD. Do you feel that if you don't add that X, you will got to hell? If yes, thats MTOCD.

I'm similiar to this but mine centre around needing to perform certain touching rituals or something bad will happen, most commonly the person I am thinking about. Another is thinking about a certain people is bad and must be replaced by thinking about certain good people.

It's just OCD, it's nothing bad and you are not a bad person for thinking it.

The issue with sexual thoughts to children is also a form of OCD, often known as POCD. Again, you are not a bad person, you are not consciously thinking about this. It's like when you have a dream or a nightmare, you can't control the content of them. Paedophilia has similarities as they can also feel guilty for the thoughts but what you have to remember is that you already has OCD so this is just a new manifestation and like you said, it just came out of the blue and is pronounced.

Thinking "can they show that" about a naked baby's bum on a TV advert is a thought anyone without this could have. The issue is, you interpreted noticing it as a perverted thought. Again, this is where the POCD is coming in.

Remember, you are not a bad person.

In that link, there is a statement that says they have found that people with these forms of OCD are found to be the last people who could act upon them because they are so disgusted with themselves. Remember this.

Have you consulted your GP? You should and they should refer you on for therapy. It will help you manage these thoughts.

I would also say look at Mindfulness meditation. It has helped me with my thoughts, stopping the negative reaction to them and breaking unhealthy thinking habits more than the therapy did. It takes time to learn and changes can be subtle, but at first it at the minimum provides relaxation.

[Marya2468]

I love all of you. You are so brave for posting.

I've been dealing with such weirdly similar stuff. First of all, I had an anxiety problem, too, when I was little, thinking I had to go to the bathroom all the time. Now the anxiety has reared it's ugly head big time with exactly what everyone else on this thread is dealing with - the fear of being a pedophile, the knowing in my heart that I'm not, but then the awful testing of myself and subsequent fear and dread which makes me think "OH, I really AM being turned on by this I am awful I should die." And then, a day later when I'm in my right mind it all seems impossibly absurd... Until later in the day when I'm plagued with the same fear and anxiety. I once thought I would actually kill myself so that these thoughts would go away... I was truly considering ending my life. Like some others have posted, I've always loved kids and been great with them. In ten years of babysitting I never had a sexual thought about a kid. Then all of a sudden the thought enters my mind that I might be a pedophile and I lose my mind! So deeply scary that I can't trust my own thoughts.

Please, if you are dealing with these awful thoughts just hang in there. See someone for help. I've started seeing a psychiatrist. I am praying for you all, as I deeply know how awful it is to deal with this. I've said to myself that I'd rather have a brain tumor than deal with this terrible anxiety and obsessive thoughts. But I hope with more months of therapy I can find ways to overcome this. Also, I have not been a religious person, but as this situation has terrified me so much I have started to seek religion. I have found solace in the words of Christ and His love for us. I believe that everyone comes to whatever faith in their own way, but for me believing in a Christan God whose love for us overpowers these terrible ways we deceive ourselves into thinking we're awful has really helped me in times when I thought I would inflict physical pain on myself.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I love all of you. You are so brave for posting.

I've been dealing with such weirdly similar stuff. First of all, I had an anxiety problem, too, when I was little, thinking I had to go to the bathroom all the time. Now the anxiety has reared it's ugly head big time with exactly what everyone else on this thread is dealing with - the fear of being a pedophile, the knowing in my heart that I'm not, but then the awful testing of myself and subsequent fear and dread which makes me think "OH, I really AM being turned on by this I am awful I should die." And then, a day later when I'm in my right mind it all seems impossibly absurd... Until later in the day when I'm plagued with the same fear and anxiety. I once thought I would actually kill myself so that these thoughts would go away... I was truly considering ending my life. Like some others have posted, I've always loved kids and been great with them. In ten years of babysitting I never had a sexual thought about a kid. Then all of a sudden the thought enters my mind that I might be a pedophile and I lose my mind! So deeply scary that I can't trust my own thoughts.

Please, if you are dealing with these awful thoughts just hang in there. See someone for help. I've started seeing a psychiatrist. I am praying for you all, as I deeply know how awful it is to deal with this. I've said to myself that I'd rather have a brain tumor than deal with this terrible anxiety and obsessive thoughts. But I hope with more months of therapy I can find ways to overcome this. Also, I have not been a religious person, but as this situation has terrified me so much I have started to seek religion. I have found solace in the words of Christ and His love for us. I believe that everyone comes to whatever faith in their own way, but for me believing in a Christan God whose love for us overpowers these terrible ways we deceive ourselves into thinking we're awful has really helped me in times when I thought I would inflict physical pain on myself.

Hi and welcome to NMP

There are various other threads with these themes, some by women too, and for a start you may want to read those of AndyJ73 & OCDKill where things have been discussed in more detail too about how it affects them and how some of us have tried to explain how OCD works to them.

I hope the therapy works for you and whilst I am agnostic, I hope you find what you need from your religion to. For some religion would present more challenges due to these thoughts so the fact you are able to embrace it suggests that you are on your way to recovery.

All the best.


Terry