Slowly overcoming ROCD

[hempchick]

Hello,
About a week ago I woke up so upset and tired of feeling horrible and guilty that I couldn't feel any love for my boyfriend. In some aspects, I still can't, but it's getting better.
He was upset to see me crying when he woke up, and after we talked for a bit, he got up, walked into the other room and said "I don't know how much longer I can do this".
For a moment I was still numb, then I was faced with the realization that I may have ruined the relationship. That feeling was horrible. I collapsed on the bed and cried and felt like I was physically too weak to get up. I felt like my life had no purpose anymore.
A while later I asked him if I could take him to lunch. He was happy to go, and we talked and he explained that he wasn't upset at me, he was upset at my condition and the fact that he didn't know how to help me.
We've been better since, and I still have that nagging "what if I don't love him" thought in the back of my mind, but it's not as strong.
Now I have other odd fears towards him, such as "what if he's annoyed with me" so I feel annoyed towards him. "what if I like other guys" because sometimes i get butterflies when I see past flings, but I'd never want to be with them.
Is that part normal?
Has anyone here beat ROCD? Thanks.

[Beckybooboo]

Hi Hun,

Firstly, congratulations that finally you received your wake up call and decided to go with your gut rather than your mind. That's definitely a step in the right direction.

I'd say it's totally normal to feel that way, I know that I had these "I don't love my boyfriend" thoughts for a couple of months at the most, but with medication, support and CBT I managed to get out of it and finally accept that I am madly in love with my boyfriend and there's no one else for me!

It takes time, and you will get through it.

If you ever need anything, giz a shout.

All the best,
Becky

[hempchick]

Thanks. I keep sliding backwards... Even though I had that realization I still get so nervous around him. Its like I do and don't want to be around him at the same time. Here's how i think: I do want to be around him because I love him. But do I? Why do I feel so distant and alienated? Of course I'm doing this to myself, he has been nothing but good to me. What if I really am getting bored with him? Other attractive guys give me butterflies too. I need an answer!!! I feel like such a horrible girlfriend. I don't deserve him. Is he annoyed with me? And the biggest one lately is... Am I really happy with him?
These constant questions never go away and make me doubt my feelings for him. And even though I've hit bottom it's like I still can't get it through my head that I do love him and want to be with him.
I have considered going on a break to see how that would be but even though things seem so shitty right now I can't imagine being without him... Or being with anyone else.

[mollyfin]

but even though things seem so shitty right now I can't imagine being without him... Or being with anyone else.

Obviously I can't give too much advice given where I am in my life right now, but...I think this right here says everything you need to know. Good luck!