Can Hocd "feelings" actually feel real

[needhelp753]

I already made a post yesterday and i think ive had hocd since november but there still one question that bugs me the most and im finally getting some help my parents are taking me to a physiatrist . but the one things that really bugs me is can hocd really turn you gay because this past week has been really hard everytime i look at any girl it can be anybody even my mom i always have to say she's pretty but then i get this feeling that feels like attraction and that really confuses me because i have been getting these feelings throughout the past months of suffering with hocd and they didnt bug me as much before because i still had crushes and fantasies about other guys but now those feelings towards women feel like i actally like them and sometimes i just let them go which bothers me because then i think why didint freak out,and now i cant tell the differnce between what my mind is saying and what my heart is saying because wheneve i see a girl and say she's pretty my heart also responds with that feeling you get when see something all of a sudden and your like what. Its hard to explain but im reaally freaking out i cry all the time because nothing feels real and sometimes i look back and just think that all my other obessions were just a cover up for being gay. And at night it's worst because whenever i close my eyes before i would always dream about men and other nice things but now it's seems so real like it's just normal because anytime i close my eyes my head will be filled with thoughts of other women and its like im sleeping but im awake because i can still see what im dreaming and i wont even freak out i just let the thoughts be and then i open my eyes and think that im actally gay because i didnt freak out or stop the thoughts because they just feel so real and normal which freaks me out even more and whenever i try to think about something else like me working at a job at first it will be ok but then my mind says your a lesbian and id just wake up so confused and i try to think about what just dreamt but my mind doesnt let me and that really bugs me but one day i had another dream but with men and i was with some guy and just kissing hima and all that good stuff and it just felt so right but then i woke up and it was gone. Now im just scared that all my thoughts have been replaced and it really hurts i cry all the time just thinking about how much i used to love men . I used to love the beatles they were my favourite band and i always fantazied being with each one of them even though they are so much older tehn me lol, i still rember in the 7th grade i would always pretend i was george harrisons wife and imagine how are life would have been like and i always admird his first wife pattie boyd because she was so flawless and pretty and i considred her my fashion muse and i had pictures of both of them in my room, but now i cant cant even imagine myself with him anymore or anybody else it brings tears to my eyes and whenecver i look at pattie or any other girl i considered a role model i always get those feelings taht feel like attraction but bug me so much because i know i dont like them that way, and because of all this i had to take down all my posters from my wal and while i was doing that i cried so much i kept thinking to myself what's the point of looking at something you cant enjoy anymore, and also can hocd really turn you gay tahts my main question or is this still hocd becasue why am i noticing women more tahn men and are there different phases of hocd . please relply back i really need some help and please check out my other post.

[hempchick]

I think that any type of OCD can make our fears feel real, and they only feel real because we're so afraid of them. There were times when I was younger where I had convinced myself I was a lesbian... Turns out my feelings of "attraction" were just feelings of admiration. Who was your first crush? If it was the opposite sex, you're most likely not homosexual.
Btw, it is perfectly normal for girls to get "girl crushes".
I have ROCD and I know exactly what you mean when you say it feels real. It's scary.

[needhelp753]

I think that any type of OCD can make our fears feel real, and they only feel real because we're so afraid of them. There were times when I was younger where I had convinced myself I was a lesbian... Turns out my feelings of "attraction" were just feelings of admiration. Who was your first crush? If it was the opposite sex, you're most likely not homosexual.
Btw, it is perfectly normal for girls to get "girl crushes".
I have ROCD and I know exactly what you mean when you say it feels real. It's scary.

Thank you for replying back .when i think back my first crush was on a guy actually all my crushes were on guys i still get crushes on guys even with hocd and its just this really happy feeling, i just admire women and just wanna be like them not with them but this hocd really screws everything up even now when i look at a women i always think there so pretty but those "feelings" and thoughts come and just really messes everything up.

[hempchick]

Yeah, OCD has a terrible habit of blowing things way out of proportion. Everybody gets weird thoughts now and then but ours stick with us and really bug us. And it's not easy to "not think about it" or distract ourselves because the thoughts start to seem like real feelings after a while.

[mollyfin]

I don't have hocd - it would be hard to, since I actually AM homosexual - but obsessive thoughts by nature feel 100% real. And no, those thoughts can't make you gay any more than my obsessive health thoughts can give you cancer. You are or you aren't. And reading what you write, you sound like you aren't.

[needhelp753]

ok thank you i know im not gay but those stupid thoughts come back and they really bug me and know so hard to do anything i used to do before and it feels like this empty feeling inside because i cant do the things i used to do before and i cant think the way i want to, and i have nothing against gay people im not homophobic and i think that its wrong that gay people get bullied, actually being bullied for any reason reallly bugs me i was bullied as a kid but for being the new awkward kid at school that nobody wanted to talk to. And thats something i kept bottled up for a while and is part of my problems. Sometimes i feel like my old self but then those thoughts come back and really bring me down and that empty feeling comes abck like a big part of my life is missing because i have always been a dreamer but sometimes if i watch a show i get those old feelings back i think back to before and how i was ok and think about anything.

[aquatiical]

I've been struggling with the same thing. It's happened on and off to me since I was probably 13 (I'm 20 now), but its been getting worse... Probably because I'm with a guy I really care about, and I would love to marry him. It's affecting my relationship, and I suddenly find myself being less attracted to him because I can't shake these obsessive thoughts. I cry about it a lot, and its disturbing. I've tried mentally exploring my sexuality, and it's just made it worse.

There's a theory that usually people aren't quite gay nor straight. There's a scale from 0-6, and zero means straight, and six is gay. Most people fall somewhere inbetween. I think the best thing we can do is to let it not scare us. It REALLY sounds like your problem is admiration, and you're confusing it for a sexual attraction. It's okay. I think I have the same problem. I'm not attracted to every woman, but I do find attractions to ones I'm also jealous of. My first crush was also a male, and when I go out in public, I'm worried about the opinions of males. Every time I get these thoughts, my heart breaks a little.... When I'm not thinking about it, and he's holding me, I feel like everything is right in the world. But the SECOND I remember my fear, I feel a weird mixture of numbness and fear. I'm even afraid of women now, and I don't want to be around my female friends.

If you know deep down you aren't gay, then you aren't. You really should try going to therapy and discussing this... If nothing more, it might make you feel better. OCD is difficult to go through, and there are a LOT of people who know how you feel. We'll all be okay... But man, during these periods, it's not easy.

On a side note, I also had the awkward mom attraction fear. It's freaking terrifying.