Girlfriend making it worse; scared I've destroyed our relationship

[mollyfin]

I've been very open with my girlfriend about my relationship OCD, because she can always tell when something is wrong with me and had been asking if I was still in love with her when I recently started to slip into a depression (that's actually what caused my "what if I'm not in love with her any more?!" obsession to start). Basically she will assume the worst and she also has OCD so I had hoped that even though it would upset her she would be understanding.

And don't get me wrong, she's trying really hard. But she can't seem to accept that my obsessive thoughts aren't real. She keeps asking "do you not love me because of this?" or saying she's afraid I'm going to break up with her so she wants to be ready. And I understand that. I would worry about the same things in her situation.

The problem is, it's making my anxiety about the situation worse. It makes me think "wait, what if it's not just OCD, what if she's right?"

We've agreed now that when she asks how I'm doing I'm just going to answer vaguely, like "I had a good morning, but right now I feel anxious and depressed."

Another problem is that this anxiety and obsession triggered a really deep depression where I can't enjoy anything or feel things like love, which makes me obsess MORE.

I'm sorry to post so much I just feel like I'm losing my grip.

[hempchick]

Oh my god. I am literally in the exact same situation.
My boyfriend knows its a disease but there's a part of him that can't stop worrying that they're real thoughts. I think over time he's become more understanding, but it's still really hard. My newest concern is that I actually feel attraction to other guys. I have no desire to be with them, but I sort of get butterflies and it's killing me. I feel so guilty.

[mollyfin]

This morning my ex emailed me for the first time in over two years...BAD timing, as I'm now obsessing that it's some kind of sign. Not that I should be with her (she's married, and I have zero feelings for her, obviously), but SOME kind of bad omen...ugh I don't even know, I don't make sense!

[hempchick]

Same here! One of my old flings started messaging me again. Nothing risqué, just friendly messages, and i hate to admit that I got butterflies! Not to mention its been very difficult for me to get into being intimate with my boyfriend lately. And now I'm in bed next to him.. He's still sleeping.. And once again I can't feel anything towards him. It almost feels like I don't know him. I feel sick.

[mollyfin]

I definitely have no feelings for my ex, but it still made me freak out. Just the timing of it. I'm one of those people who thinks everything is a sign.

I've really cocked things up with my girl. She's having a hard time letting all of this go, and I don't blame her. I just wish she could move past it...I hate seeing her suffer, and I hate feeling like she's going to leave me just because I suck.

[Pinktastic]

I'm the same I think signs mean things, I dated this guy who had messaged me before so I thought he could be the one since we were talking again but my OCD went over drive and we no longer talk, he wants nothing to do with me. I didn't tell him I had OCD either which I probably should have.

everything will get better in time you'll see

[hempchick]

I'm back to being unsure if it's ROCD or if I'm really falling out of love. I think it's been getting increasingly worse the closer we get to our one year anniversary... Which is Friday. I've had other weird fears that sparked anxiety before, (like what if I'm a sociopath or pedophile) but this one just feels so real. I honestly can't tell if it's ROCD or real. How would I know?

[Anxious_gal]

If you didn't care about your partners you wouldn't be worring about it.
Its normal to not be able to feel things when you're anxious or depressed.

I think when you stop being inlove with someone, you stop enjoying spending time with them, you don't want to kiss or cuddle and you don't feel any jelousy if someone was to flirt with your partner.

[mollyfin]

Yes, I think you're right. I feel the way I always have about her now. Unfortunately I think she's going to leave me because I expressed the panic OCD was causing me to have those thoughts about her.

[hempchick]

I think when you stop being inlove with someone, you stop enjoying spending time with them, you don't want to kiss or cuddle and you don't feel any jelousy if someone was to flirt with your partner.

That's just the thing, sometimes since I can't feel anything towards him I'm not interested in being intimate or playing a game or doing something fun with him. Although I usually do feel better after a cuddle. And lately I haven't felt as jealous as I used to but I still get jealous.