So scared, so depressed :'(

[BlueEyes28]

I'm not even sure why i'm posting on here, you all have your own problems! I suppose mayne because your the only guys that understand my pain. I'm so anxious and depressed i've never been this low before! There really is no way out for me, i'm just sliding deeper in to just exsisting. I have no life at the moment, whenever I think about how happy I was with my little family only weeks ago it honestly feels like a dream i had, that it never really happened! O crave my partners cuddles, I used to feel so loved and safe in his arms, I miss that so much, now I don't feel that I just feel fuilty, I want to tell him to leave and find someone normal and to take my kids too, none of them deserve this. I don't wamt to put them through this anymore! God I love them too much. But i'm not who I used to be anymore i'm no good to them like this! I see myself spending the rest of my life locked away just having to ecsist. I'm so scared. I know nobody can help me and thats what scares me the most!* Oh god what have I done to deserbe this? I try so hard to help myself but its no ise, I know I have no power left. I'm completely broken, so so desperate to see a light a the end of the tunnel but I know it will never come. I cry and cry but I know no matter how much I cry it wont go.

[sammie23]

Aww hunny big hugs. Im exactly the same. But you no wot darling. No matter how down ill or depressed I feel. I always push myself. Do u no why? Because I have a husband and 2 young beautiful kids that need me to be strong. I wake in the mornings and believe me I'm low. Headache, confusion, paranoid and funny eyes. I have to push myself. It doesn't take away the symptoms but I no I have to do it :-( im 26 and had anxciety for 6 years and belie iv been threw hell but I'm here and still fighting through it. I have times where think ending it all. I spend everyday questioning myself. Why me? What have I done to deserve this? We have to be strong. U are not alone in this. Make urself get up and be strong. No matter how bad u feel hun. U have to. For ur family's sake. We will fight it together :-) I'm writing this and I feel like crap. But hey iv just stuck a pizza in for my husband and wrote this for u :-) R u on meds? Xx

---------- Post added at 23:21 ---------- Previous post was at 23:11 ----------

Forget to mention the body jerks and twitchy bloody nose grrr. :'(

[BlueEyes28]

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I do try to push myself as much as pos, I hqve had it on and off for 11yrs but never this bad and the depression is sooo strong! I have been on effexor for 9yrs which was increased to 150mg about 3 wks ago, just been put on escitalopram as well only 5mg increasing next wk to 20mg and i've got a benzo if needed but hardly use that unless im crawling up the walls, i overcame the fear of anxiety symptoms years ago so they don't frighten me but i recently had a real health scare so i'm afraid of future illnesses not current, thats why i cant get myself out of this one its a completely new ball game for me

[sammie23]

Wot was ur health scare if you dont mind me asking? X

[BlueEyes28]

I had a bad mucus cough for 4 weeks, went to my local walk in clinic and the doc there said YOU HAVE COPD (ENPHACEMA) AND IF YOU DON'T STOP SMOKING YOU WILL DIE! n Can you imagine my fear! I went to my own GP in bits he said he could hear smoking related noises on my chest but you can't diagnose it just by listening to my chest so he sent me for the RIGHT test it was negative thank god so it was bronchitis, but there's 2 types of bronchitis Acute (normal) and Chronic (comes back 3 times yearly, causes breathing difficulties and there's no cure) I have since stopped smoking and now use an electric e-cig but i'm terrified that the bronchitis will come back again and again and become chronic which can happen! So you see there's no way out for me, i'l always be terrified of it returning the next cough I get will absolutely terrify me, what can I do? I just wish that maybe a med could help me see thing more straight like effexor did before but not anymore :-(

[sunshine1]

Blue eyes, so sorry you are feeling so rotten. Remember that changing meds etc. messes with your head. how about going backto GP and discussing how you feel. Sometimes it can help talking it through with someone who knows stuff. i had a hard time with side effects of my fluoxetine a few months ago, constant headaches - which I think were partly sinus and also tension. My GP was great and explained to me why is was unlikely to be a BT! ( I am not good with that word either along with other words).
Hope things pick up and you feel a bit morepositive, remeber to get plently of rest. x

[countrygirl]

Congratulations for stopping smoking, I think you have done wonderfully and every single year you stay stopped you get nearer to having the body of someone who has never smoked.

I know its hard but try to focus on how well you have done managing to stop smoking and remember that your brain will be in a terrible state from not getting its fix and this may be half your trouble now rather than you just thinking you are more depressed. Coming off nicotine is almost as hard as coming off heroin and I know alot of smokers who have suffered with terrible depression for months after they stop. Also remember that for 6 months after you stop your lungs need to clear out all that nasty gunk from the cigs so its almost expected that you will have a cough and mucus until it has all cleared.