Hello, all. I don't want to start ranting but I do have some things that I feel I have to get off of my chest to those who are willing to listen, and some helpful words of advice would be much appreciated.
I feel like I've hit a wall with my family. I'm almost 21 years old, and home for the summer. I go to college nearby and come home most weekends as well because (honestly) I miss my dogs here and cannot have them with me. There's four people in my family - my twin brother, who also attends the same college but lives at home, and my parents.
My father and I are very similar in personality and are both stubborn and opinionated so we often butt heads. My mother and brother are very similar as well, much more easygoing, so they often "gang up on me" (at least that's how it feels).
The thing is, I have some strong opinions about several things that no one in my family cares about, or ever has. I've always been a big dreamer, and my family has tended to pass my ideas off as "foolish", which makes me feel just worthless. For some reason, I just never seem to learn, so I get built up and excited and am just disappointed again and again.
I suffer from GAD, HA, and I have self-harmed on occasion when I was just under a lot of stress. My family knows none of this. I said that I thought I needed a therapist once, but they didn't take me seriously and said they wouldn't pay for something like that. They have actually called me "messed up" and other names before, which naturally just makes me feel worse.
The stubborn side of me just wants to leave, but even though I have a job I do depend on them for financial support while I'm in college. And it may sound weird, but I have three dogs that live with them and are getting older and I couldn't forgive myself if they passed and I wasn't around.
I think what I would like the most is for them to just hear me out and attempt to understand me without making me feel stupid, worthless, or messed up in the head. My mother came in just now to talk to me - I've been kind of moping all day - and I really just wanted to talk to her but she didn't really want to talk. Ultimately she misread what I was trying to say, thought I was insulting her, and left again angry which just made feel really sad, lonely, and guilty.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I don't want them to know certain things about me that they don't know already because I don't want to be judged, but I feel so lonely dealing with some things by myself.
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