Feeling useless...

[amdhyde]

Just got over my first anxiety attack of the day... For years now this illness has ruined my life. I hate myself because of who I am and I wish I was never born. I have lost everything due to being ill and I hate my life because of that. I attempted to kill myself a while back and the only thing that stopped me was my only friend calling a ambulance and sometimes I hate her for it. Over the past year or so things seemed to be getting better but I find myself all of a sudden not wanting to be here anymore.

I'm not planning on doing anything stupid but the thoughts are there. I hate my life and I hate myself even more. I have no friends, no future.. Nothing. I used to stand tall and face life with confidence all I know now is how to run away.

[theharvestmouse]

Sorry to hear that, I don't know what to say other than that I have been there, but you must try to cling on to a positive, anything that can offer hope. People have been to the bottom and worked their way back to have the life they want.

[gem7]

i know how u feel hun i feel the same i have anxiety and hate my life too and myself also i sometimes think to i be better off dead cos my anxiety is driveing me mad just hope some how we can both beat this stupid anxiety

[Jon1979]

I know how you feel matey....I've had a dreadful weekend and today isnt much better. There's not much more I can say only hang in there, I know its hard.

If you ever want a chat feel free to PM me.

Jon

[amdhyde]

It's horrible.. I really can't see any end. I had everything and it all fell apart within a couple of years. I'm so lonely now and it just keeps bringing me down. All I ever wanted was a simple life. The settle down, have a family and stable job kind of life but I feel like that will never happen because of who I am.

[Jon1979]

Do you take any meds or have any counselling, or both?

[amdhyde]

Yeah both I take mirtazapine and propanolol. My metal health team only focus on my anxiety. It's like they think that's my only problem.. The anxiety has done the damage so it's only part of the problem. My life is on pieces..

[Jon1979]

I take cit and propranolol. Im on the waiting list for CBT at the moment.

I know what you mean though with the focusing on the anxiety. I know with me, I get depressed because of my inabillity to do everyday things beacuse of my anxiety. I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better, I know what your going through and I know its not that easy.

[amdhyde]

I started out on cit but had a bad experiance. What brings me down is thinking about what I've lost over the years my depression has devoloped. I have to wake up everyday to nothing. I have no friends and I don't socialise and I've been out of work for years. I had a great job as a mechanical engineer before I fell ill and my future looked bright. Right now I feel lost and unappreciated.

[theharvestmouse]

I know how you feel amdhyde, its bad, but thinking about it won't help. Read the post on Success Stories that was posted in the last hour, I found it had some good advice, a bit different to the usual stuff as well.