Hey everyone. sorry long post
I really don't have a problem with people posting I really appreciate the support that has been shown and Its not something I just want to forget. I have been dealing with losing Joseph since August, I think about him every single day and Its helpful to discuss it.
after only going through the first few weeks of grief a national newspaper posted a story front page of our experience. I made a big mistake there, I wanted to raise awareness regarding termination asking people not to judge for they never know the true story.It went so wrong !! The article was published full of a lot of rubbish and focusing on the split decision between myself and parter who they made out to be a really cold hearted man rather than them focusing on the medical issues and the truth behind termination that I was trying to raise . It was just another punch in the gut really and another lesson learned.
I will say one thing I have changed so much emotionally,things you face certainly make you stronger. Nothing gets to me any more. I figured nothing could come close to the pain of what I felt losing Joseph. Trivial things do not play on my mind, I no longer panic about the future or worry about what may or may not happen . I wont let anxiety and depression take over. I decided I owed it to my son to be healthy and happy , he didn't get the chance at life so its my job to make sure mine is the best it can be.
He is thought about so much and I do get days when I fight with myself whether I made the right choice however I know that isn't the way to think and I soon change my thinking pattern. I gathered strength through support of such great family and friends.I just couldn't fall a part because If I did I knew how much my family and friends would suffer. No one could believe how strong I have been and I guess neither can I but like I said I held it together because I feel I owed Joseph that much.
Looking forward I am over the moon that I am expecting again. Only 7 weeks at present :O) I am so so extremely happy and so is my partner. I am excited and cant wait to finally get the chance to be a mum. I cant wait to get to my scan date but I am staying positive that all will be Ok. There is no point in worrying until you have something there to worry about. This baby will know all about their beautiful big brother one day.
I would like to say a HUGE thank you for all the lovely comments that have been posted they were also a great form of support. I hope everyone is keeping well and positive with whatever life throws at you :0)
lots of love to all
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