I have spent days living in a world of pain, agonising over a decision that will be apart of my life forever.

You do never imagine things like this to happen to you and when it does the shock and sadness is overwhelming. Finding out I was pregnant was a big shock on its own as I had the coil fitted. Then to know I had a high chance baby could be disabled I worried myself silly, facing huge attacks of panic where I felt the walls were closing in. To then receive the news our lil baby had downs syndrome I felt as though my heart had been ripped out and I had to decide to continue or not with pregnancy.

I wondered what right I had to decide, agreed it was my fate to be a mummy of a child that just might need that extra bit of support. I was going to continue and love my baby with all my heart. My partner disagreed :(.
He wanted to terminate and after much heartache and pain I received more information that it would not be a mild form of downs and that only a few baby's with downs will make it to birth anyway. So I could decide to continue as a single mum and find later down the line that my baby had died.

I have based my decision on the health and quality of life our baby would have had and although petrified I am going ahead with a termination.
Only god can judge me and I hope and pray I'm forgiven. I pray my baby can pass by this crazy hard testing life, and go straight to a world of heaven where my angel belongs. I'm sorry . May I find the strength to forgive myself and move on from this. Letting go but never forgetting .