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Thread: Citalopram Diary day 21

  1. #1
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    Jul 2012
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    278

    Citalopram Diary day 21

    Hi All,

    so today is day 21, I went to see dr yesterday who said my extreeme side effects are normal and to stick with it as I should start to improve soon.

    I really dont want to temp fate but today, aside from the constant headache, my side effects have been not too bad! Dr offered me diaz to help with increased anxiety but I decided to touch them out and if I feel my anxiety levels rising I just go to bed with a good book and sooth myself as best I can.

    This morning I awoke and waited to the dread and horror to grip my heart, but it wasnt there!! well, I had mild anxiety but nothing compared to how it has been, was a little anxious through the morning perhaps a level 2.5/3 but have felt ok since, in fact, I have cracked a couple of jokes today, unheard of in the past few weeks!!!

    I feel hope at last, that I am on the final sprint of this marathon, thanks to everyone who has supported me so far, the journey is not over yet but I think the Citalopram has found its destination and may begin to work soon!

    Anyone starting out or wondering why oh why they ever started, keep going!!!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    295

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    Congratulations

    There may be some more up's and down's still to come but hopefully your now on the mend.

    Steve

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
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    278

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    Day 22
    ok, so I spoke too soon....

    Today has not been so good, low level anxiety apart from an intense hour this afternoon, fast heartbeat etc, your right Steve its not over yet and my confidence has been knocked so bad.

    Steve you said at one point you became quite withdrawn and agraphobic, thats where I am now. All I want to do is curl uop on my own in my bedroom and leave life to everyone else, I know the cit isnt working yet as Ive had episodes of crying and anxiety today, the thing that drives me crazy is I only went to the drs for mild occasional anxiety, and now, I feel like I have severe issues.

    Anyway, Im off to feel sorry for myself in my bedroom and hope that another week will see me improve, I will update again tomorrow.

    For anyone who believes in God, please pray for me, I have suffered so much over these weeks and I am struggling with this sorrow and anxiety, I feel so guilty as I cant be a mum to my little boy anymore, I know he will not remember it as hes only 3 but hes playing it out with his toys saying their poorly and have to go to bed and I feel just so awful about it.

    My husband is losing patience with me too and slammed out of the house earlier saying 'maybe in a year or two you will leave the house again' I know how hard this must be on him, until 3 weeks ago I was a happy go lucky highly functional wife and mother and now Im a quivering wreck who doesnt venture out of the bedroom, let alone the house.

    fingers crossed tomorrow brings more hope for me.

    Caroline xx

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
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    879

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    Hi Caroline,

    My heart goes out to you and I'm sending you love and wish I could hug you in person

    You are showing such amazing strength and determination in dealing with your anxiety and should be very proud of yourself.

    Anxiety is a very real illness that has such a devastating impact on our lives. Please do not feel guilty for being ill. You would not feel guilt for having a physical illness like a broken leg or heart problem that limited your daily functioning. Your illness, pain, suffering and need for support to recover is just as valid.

    Your son knows that you love him and his Mummy is poorly. Your husband married you and made a promise to love you in sickness and in health. This is the time he needs to show you the support he promised he would when he married you. Yes it is frustrating for him. But his comment is hurtful, unhelpful and adds to the weight of the burden you are carrying which is already heavy enough for you to bear.

    I do not have the answers for you Caroline. I'm currently in a dilemma about whether I should try citalopram again. I'm no nearer the answer and now losing sleep over this decision myself.

    I just wanted you to know that you are an amazing person who's strength and determination to recover is to be admired. You are not alone in your struggle, even though you may feel this at times, there are so many of us at any one time working hard to get our health & lives back. You are in my thoughts and I wish you love and peace of mind that you need and deserve to get through this struggle and come through the other side.

    I look forward to following your progress. Be kind to yourself. I believe in you.

  5. #5

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    Hi there ive said a prayer for you tonight and for everyone suffering so good to see you have had a good day x x sorry too see you've had a tough day to follow it sending positive thoughts your way!!!!!! X x

  6. #6

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    Hey don't stress yourself out im now on week 6 and on 20mg i also still feel anxous more than i did before i even took these!it is really so frustrating i know!my daughter is 7 and she knows there has been something going on with me but i just tell her im not very well but ill be better soon i have been signed off work for 6 weeks so far it can take two month to get back on track so get your head into books to take your mind off it i can now go out the house to the shop so Im getting there be patient it will kick in xx

    ---------- Post added at 11:15 ---------- Previous post was at 11:14 ----------

    AAlso feel free to mail me if you like your journey feels much like mine xx

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    278

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    Day 23

    another good day!!

    When I say good, of course, I mean good for a cit day!! but a big achievement... I went to the shops, on my own!! 15 mins walk there, got the stuff in for tea, and went to the bookshop for the next book in the C J SANSOME shardlake series (highly recommended, they are brilliant) and came back.

    Managed to stay downstairs all day watching some olympics and some criminal minds (which I love) and then when my boy came home I was able to play with him a little before my hubby took him to bed.

    So thats great progress, 2 good days this week, please let it continue, Im more than aware that things could turn around and bite me on the bum but I have to celebrate each victory no matter how small.

    Caroline

    ---------- Post added at 07:49 ---------- Previous post was at 07:47 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Serenitie View Post
    Hi Caroline,

    My heart goes out to you and I'm sending you love and wish I could hug you in person

    You are showing such amazing strength and determination in dealing with your anxiety and should be very proud of yourself.

    Anxiety is a very real illness that has such a devastating impact on our lives. Please do not feel guilty for being ill. You would not feel guilt for having a physical illness like a broken leg or heart problem that limited your daily functioning. Your illness, pain, suffering and need for support to recover is just as valid.

    Your son knows that you love him and his Mummy is poorly. Your husband married you and made a promise to love you in sickness and in health. This is the time he needs to show you the support he promised he would when he married you. Yes it is frustrating for him. But his comment is hurtful, unhelpful and adds to the weight of the burden you are carrying which is already heavy enough for you to bear.

    I do not have the answers for you Caroline. I'm currently in a dilemma about whether I should try citalopram again. I'm no nearer the answer and now losing sleep over this decision myself.

    I just wanted you to know that you are an amazing person who's strength and determination to recover is to be admired. You are not alone in your struggle, even though you may feel this at times, there are so many of us at any one time working hard to get our health & lives back. You are in my thoughts and I wish you love and peace of mind that you need and deserve to get through this struggle and come through the other side.

    I look forward to following your progress. Be kind to yourself. I believe in you.
    thankyou so much, your words really touched me and is really what I needed to hear, if you decide to try the cit again then feel free to message me if you need support. xx

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    879

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    I'm so glad you've had another good day, Caroline. Good for you!

    I've had another sleepless night. I think I need to speak to my GP on Monday.

    Have a peaceful weekend xxx

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    278

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    serenitie,
    as I said you go for it, and I promise to support you though and reassure you as you ahve me, sometimes helping someone else really helps you to recover yourself, so if we help eachother it may ease our journey. xx

    Caroline

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    278

    Re: Citalopram Diary day 21

    Day 24

    So I managed to get up with my little one again this morning, could feel the anxiety nagging at the back of my mind, but Im so fed up with it now I was just like 'whatever, do your worst citalopram, Ive had enough' and tried to take my mind off it the best I could.

    I went back to bed at 10am with my book and felt the anxiety increase, I was so annoyed!!!!

    Anyway I came down to watch the rowing finals and found myself picking up a bit so played golf and then tennis with my little boy (in the living room) and my hubby has gone to the shops with him now so Im doing some tidying up. I know I still have a long way to go with these damn tablets and I really wish I had never started but Im on this road now and its one way so Ill keep on going.

    Have you seen the blackadder episode where he is looking for the scarlet pimpernell and there are the suicide tablets to take in case of capture, the tablets make you very angry, then very forgettful, then very happy etc, THATS citalopram - although thankfully citalopram doesnt result in death but the build up seems much the same lol.

    Lets see how the rest of the day pans out and I will update this diary either later on today or tomorrow. Struggle on fellow cit fiends!!

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