Citalopram Diary day 21

[Iggy131313]

Day 38 (5 weeks 3 days) update 5.10pm

Time for some citalopram Banter or Citalibanter as I like to call it....well enough is enough people and I cant take this ANYMORE!

Action has to be taken, I have made a drs appointment for Monday Morning and tonight I am going to start taking 10mg instead of 20mg, my noraml dr (Dr Nice) told me start doing that if my side effects were still bad at 4 weeks, well I have given them an extra week and a half and they are still tormenting me badly so Im going to do down in dosage.

THEN....when I see the dr on Monday, Dr Nasty as Dr Nice is on holiday (and I agree with Merlin this was probably because she was tipped off I was coming heehee) Im going to speak to her about putting me on Escitalopram instead, Laura and Serenitie have both advocated it and Im inclined to believe them.

Who knows, maybe just by reducing my dose to 10mg I may feel an improvement but I simply cant carry on like this, my mood has lifted now as it does in the afternoon and Im not anxious at all, In fact I feel quite jolly, hey, maybe somethings kicking in you never know but Im certainly up for some citalibanter with anyone who fancies it, but I think its because I have made that decision and I feel like I have a little more control over whats happening to me.

Dont get me wrong, Im not happy, Im as miserable as can be but perhaps escitalopram is the answer, I will get some 5mg diaz to help me through the first couple of weeks, although perhaps after taking the Citalopram for so long before starting esc it may ease the way, kinda like having your second child!

Of course I would prefer a general anesthestic for a couple of weeks, but I dont think you can get that on prescription even with a prepayment card (thanks sparkle for the advice though. xx)

So I give you leave ladies and gentlemen I can hear my hubby arriving home with my angel!

[merlin 66]

Hi Iggy.

I have broken my weekend vow of silence for you. I won't tell anyone if you don't.

Remember what you said to me the other day. Grasp the nettle etc.
You have a lot going for you (but you know that already).

You have a wicked sense of humour. You cheered me up!

You have got a wonderful son. He won't want to see his mommy crying.

Remember IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!.

Have you eaten today! If not...do so. you may not feel like it but it will do you good.

Have a nice warm bath and try and relax. I know it's hard and easier said than done.

We know what you are going through.

Have you tried the chat room. That may help at times. I gave it a go once or twice. It's not too bad as long as there aren't too many people on line at the same time.......I cant keep up with ten people talking at once... Ha Ha.

Must go now. I will do a couple of wizzardy spells for you
I am sure serenitie will be thinking of you too.

Contact you next week.

All the best

[Iggy131313]

awe Merlin, I always look forward to your posts, thanks for breaking your silence! Im pleased to hear from you

Your very very kind and theres no one MORE up for citalibanter than you!

My comp doesnt seem to like the chatroom, it wont let me on, oh and by the way I have read both those ken follet books, and loved them, but I still rate CJ SANSOM more! and that, by the way, is the correct spelling, I did a little typo before, whoops"!


Yeah, Im eating ok, I went down to 6.5 stone in the first few weeks and am now 7.5 but I want to put another stone on, Ive always been slim but now I look a little bit ill!

Dont stay away too long, your great company and you too cheer me up lots. xx

[Piano]

Here is a big hug for you, Iggy

[Iggy131313]

Day 39 (5 weeks 4 days)

I chickened out last night and within an hour of taking the 10mg, I went and took the other half, so had my daily dose of 20mg, My anxiety started to tell me that 10mg was going to make me have withdrawal side effects and that I was giving up when Im so close to the 6 week mark.

I thought it had a point so I took the other 10mg, I mean, only 3 days until I reach 6 weeks and I know Im not going to wake up that day and be better but once I hit 6 weeks I will be alot closer to 8 weeks and I hope so badly that in that 2 weeks my days will start to get better.

But disaster has struck, my husband is ill!! He was burning up with a massiv temperature through the night, not good for him, but even worse for me!! I have got up and left him in bed because neither of us got any sleep last night, and I cant make him get up when he is poorly, I can only hope, for his sake and mine, that he picks up a bit later and can give me a break looking after my little one.

I woke up with the jitters, my arms shaking and my anxiety there but not too strong, once again its more a fear of the day, I have a slight headache and Im still no where near myself, bring on the next couple of weeks, Ive heard alot of people say they started to pick up between 6 and 8 weeks and I hope and pray that its the same for me. x

[Sparkle1984]

Good luck, I hope you'll start to feel better in a couple of weeks!

[Serenitie]

Thinking of you Iggy & sending you huge hugs I'm glad you are going to see your GP on Monday to discuss your options. You have shown such strength and determination in the face of much suffering. You may be near the finishing line at 8 weeks, but it is good to have options if there is no change. You should see results by 8 weeks. If not a switch to escitalopram cannot hurt xxx

[dez]

I went through this 2 years ago and can honestly not remember how long it took to gte better (probably around 3 months). I didn't know about all the side effects and the doctor didn't tell me, so I was just totally freaked out all the time. My daughter was 3 at the time and I felt really, really bad that I couldn't spend any quality time with her, but I did get better and she doesn't remember a thing about it. It was diazapam and getting back to work that finally sorted me out, although the citalapram probably had a lot to do with it.
I'm back to extreme anxiety and depression again though after a series of traumatic events and back to my usual. I know I can get out of it - I did the last time! I'm not going to take any time off work though (no matter how terrible I feel) as that made it worse.
I'm thinking of you and wish you all the best. Don't feel guilty about your son not getting attention, At that age they're quite happy whatever they do. Keep your chin up and all the best.

[Iggy131313]

Thanks Dez, are you off the cit now? are you considering going back on it?

and thanks to you serenitie and sparkle. xx

---------- Post added at 19:32 ---------- Previous post was at 19:25 ----------

Day 39 (5weeks 4 days) update

phew! What a day, its been an improvement on the past few days, my hubby really is ill so it forced me to do everything and as you all know keeping busy is good! My anxiety was there, definitley, I could feel it bothering me but I kept going, I had no choice!!

I played Mario Galaxy on the Wii because mt little lad would sit and watch me do that all day and it also occupies my mind and hands at the same time, I didnt particularly want to play it but it did the job for a couple of hours. Then I went out to the shops in the high street and the supermarket got all the stuff in for tea and went to my favorite bookshop and bought 'The Hunger Games' that a friend has recommended.

When I got home I played more Mario to entertain my boy, made everyone lunch, did some colouring in with Freddie, and then had a bath and gave Freddie a bath too!

Not bad considering Ive been unable to get out of bed for the past few days eh?

Serenitie, its you that I kept thinking of and how you are keeping going, and of course, like I said, I had no choice with my hubby out of action.

I also was able to give my hubby a lesson in how to look after someone when there poorly.

I have washed the bedding as he was sweating all over it (lol, like Im one to talk) and will make the bed back up soon.

So not a good day, not by any means, I did everything but was uncomfortable the whole time and aware of the nagging anxiety but I achieved alot. xx

[Piano]

Iggy, you accomplished a lot today
Big hug for you

dez: Thank you for the encouragement (I'm struggling with fluoxetine (soon 6 weeks), my days are very similar to Iggy's)