Citalopram Diary day 21

[nicola1980]

Well done on getting out tho hun thats a big step! I used to have the retching its awful but it does pass x x

[Iggy131313]

How are you doing now nicola? do you wake up with dread and fear?

[nicola1980]

I don't anymore hun, but there was a time i did and i used to shake and retch for about an hour each morning xx

[Carina]

does anyone else just have that all day uncomfortable feeling nagging and chewing away at them, stopping you from enjoying anything? I would rather have 1 panic attack per day and get it all over with than this constant torture.

This! Exactly this! You're not alone, pet. It's so unfair that this stupid anxiety can stop us from relaxing and enjoying all the nice things in life. But you did so well getting out and you will not regret seeing your little boy start school Congrats on managing that!

[merlotsmum]

Iggy131313, Citrolpram got me in the same state and ended up with the Crisis Team coming to rescue me 3 weeks ago - I really was at the end of my tether and wanted to end it all - it is truly the medication making you this way - I hope you can get help.

I am 3 weeks into Sertraline, nowhere as bad as Cit and slowly having better days, you can recover from this. I thought it was impossible but you can x

Take care xx

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Hi Iggy,

Im the same as you, i have the nagging underlying thoughts running through my head constantly all day, which stops you from feeling normal and enjoying anything, even just walking down to the local shops is torture. Also im like you in that i have my safe zone (my bed) and it is the only place i can feel reasonably calm and relaxed.

Im not as far in as you but im coming up to 5 weeks on the Citalopram and not feeling to great either. I really hope upping your dose works for you as you've been through a lot and stuck it out with this drug through the non stop struggle, you deserve to finally feel some benefits from it.

[Iggy131313]

Thanks Liam, yes this drug is very naughty and not doing much for me but make me worse.

Im not sure if my anxiety is any worse than normal, but I guess the past couple of weeks with me changing up my dosage will have an effect on my anxiety levels, going down to 10 for a week then back upto 20 for 2 days and now 30 for 3 days.

I can feel stuff happening in my brain, the strange brain heat is coming on here and there and I have a mild headache, amybe the heaving and wretching this morning was the increase, oh god knows but I really think Im stuck like this forever.

Ive gone from 1 panic attack every few years to constant biting anxiety.

[karenp]

I'm really glad to see you on here again Iggy. You will get better, I promise. I think you are unblievably brave sticking it out with the Citalopram. I was far too chicken to go back on it when my doctor suggested it back in March and now 5 months later I'm still not better, though I do get really great days now but am on loads of other meds. Where as I know I'd be well and truly fine now if I'd dared go on the Cit, thinking of you every day and hoping yuor horrible SE's disappear soon. xxx

[nicola1980]

Hi how you feeling today? xx

[Iggy131313]

So as you all know I managed to take my little boy to school 2 days ago, after that I got into bed for an couple of hours before I went back with my hubby to pick him up, I playhed with him for another couple of hours and then said I was going to have another lie down.

5 mins later he toddled upstairs and said his daddy was taking him to the park and did I want to come.

against all my insticts I said yes and went with them, the anxiety came with me of course.

but soon after my sis in law and brother in law arrived with their 2 kids and we all went to the local pub and we stayed there for hours, I had spikey moments of anxiety but the converstaion was great for me and I felt the best I have in the past 2 months.

I got up yesterday and took freddie to school with hubby again and again was heaving and retching all the way back home. I watched a film downstairs and then went to pick him up from school, when I was gong to the school I had no anxiety at all and it was wonderful, it made me feel so happy, sadly it only lasted about 15 minutes. my hubby asked if I would go into manchester with them and look at the museum that my sonlikes, I agreed and we went on the bus, it was horrible, I felt the anxiety every second and could not wait to get out of there.

I had a cry getting off the bus when we got home because I felt that I had let everyone down and felt let down myself.

But I made Freddies tea and bathed him and put him to bed and felt ok in the evenings, as we often do eh?

But this morning I couldnt face getting upto take him to school and I lay there trying to ignore the anxiety and go back to sleep but it was too strong.

I got up for a ciggie and tried sitting on the sofa to read a magazine but I had to come back to bed and so here I am.

as Ive only been on 30mg for 4 days I wonder if maybe some of the anxiety is caused by that, I have been having brain heat and slight headaches again but deep down I think its my own anxiety and im gonna be like this forever.

I realise that I need to help myself as much as possible and I tell myself that its only a feeling but its such a horrible one that I have to run

---------- Post added at 11:20 ---------- Previous post was at 10:42 ----------

I need to speak to my phyc as soon as possible, when the dr spoke to her the phyc said that cit related anxiety only lasts 6 weeks so what I must be feeling at that point was my own however this has been the pattern

day 1 - 20mg
day 2 - 40mg
day 3 - nothing
day 4 - 10mg

so really I cant count those days can I because I was playing around with the dose so much

so then I did 5 weeks on 20mg - so at this point the added anxiety COULD have still been the cit

went down to 10mg for 1 week - another change that COULD have caused more anxious feelings

2 days on 20mg before upping to 30mg which I have been on for 4 days (5th to take tonight)

the dr said I would have to take the 30 for at least another week before upping to 40, but how long after each increase could the side effects last? thats why I need to speak to a good pysch, I have been referred but god only knows when I might acctually see someone,

you see I cant understand WHAT anxiety condition I have, when I read about GAD which is the most similar to what I feel it says over worrying etc about things but I dont do that. The ONLY thing that worries me is this feeling of anxiety that seems to come and go as it pleases, and it rarely goes.

I dont have panic attacks, Im dont have any phobias, and I didnt have the feeling I have now before starting the cit. Im so confused