Hello Everyone
Sorry this is long. After 4 years of working in a hostile environment and tolerating bullying, I was diagnosed with work-related anxiety and stress in Feb. Before this, I developed RSI about a year ago and suffered in the hands of people who wanted me to be managed out of my job. I had high blood pressure, panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks and insomnia.
In May, I was asked to see their OH Dr (as they did felt it was “unusual” to be off for so long with stress). He confirmed that both my RSI and stress were work-related and as a direct result of "my perception of issues relating to significant conflict” and my concerns should be handled and that I should be able to return to work with BUT "will need rehabilitation".
They met with the Union rep and she gave me a feedback of her meeting with HR about me without any minutes. She informed me that I could either go for voluntary redundancy or a sabbatical as with all staff. I was taken aback, given that she saw the gravity of my injuries. I am now using a walking stick due to persistent nightmares and a knee dislocation. She knew that in March, just for reading an email I had a panic attack serious enough to have been investigated in hospital to be a heart attack; and unlike all other staff I will not be able to walk into another job easily. The most worrying point was that she said that "my boss will not be told I complained". AND that she was meeting them again the next day if I could choose one of the two informal options. She also said she gave them a written summary prepared last year "because she knew I would not mind".
They advised that they would cut my pay to half, which I rejected as my situation is work-related as confirmed by their OH doctor, but they ignored this. I am having a lot of therapy which I pay for, yet they cut it in June.
I got a call from HR that the Union lady called HER that she was going to be off sick and that "she would be away for a few months and would advise me of her representation on return". In view of time frames and the unwritten implications, I wrote that she had played her role and they should let me know what they wished to do, regardless. July ending, I got a letter to say they did not agree with my complaints, that my examples were discussed with specific people and they had "logical reasons" for all they did. BUT since said I love my job, I could return and "relationships can be repaired". They did not state which points specifically or who was spoken to. They gave information which I never gave them but was asked by the Union rep and they did not elaborate on these reasons that are so "reasonable". They also cite that "my workload has now been reduced" - of course my work-load was cleared because they did not anticipate this situation BUT had felt I would resign in frustration from the bullying. They then told me if I was not happy with this decision, I should go on to the next line manager for a formal grievance. I have now been diagnosed with complex PTSD as a direct result of these problems.
My health deteriorated as a result of all these actions in particular trying to sweep things under the carpet and not dealing with my concerns. I feel hopeless and helpless. I cry a lot and have no doubt I am gravely ill. I have had CBT, I am now having psychotherapy and the therapist has made me realise that I feel robbed because the feelings and fears they have brought out have brought back an experience of armed robbery at gun point, 12 years ago. All I thought I had left of this horrendous was a large physical scar.
They have now sent a new letter to me to ask me to return for yet another OH appointment and documented that "they have dealt with my concerns" and my fitness to return should be assessed- (Meaning they have written that there is no problem with the way I have been treated). I suspect they are trying to see if the OH report can be changed from being work-related. I am also expected to go back in September. They are not yet aware of the diagnosis of complex PTSD.
I am at a loss at what to do. I panic when I get their emails and letters but I am considering braving it and asking to return, to work at least so I can earn an income and also see if I can cope. BUT I am VERY worried about the effect on my health. I do not want to be found dead one day. YET I must earn to live and I find it hard to accept this level of injustice, conspiracy and betrayal of trust. I am even afraid of expressing the depth of my illness to anyone. Psychotherapy can help but it will not change a nasty and unsupportive working environment. They know obviously that I am emotionally and physically weak and probably gauging that I will back down. They have sent two letters in two days.
Please help!
Thank you.
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