New to citalopram - my experiences

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks Miles. I really messed up last night because for some stupid reason I decided to stay up til midnight. Then I woke up at 5am anxious that I wouldn't get enough sleep! So then I couldn't get back to sleep properly. I've always found it hard to motivate myself to go to bed - before this anxiety episode began I used to sleep from midnight to 7am during the week. I shouldn't really do that any more - if I'm only in bed for 7 hours I can't afford to lose 2 hours through worrying! I'll have to try and get an earlier night tonight.

Evening update: Due to the tiredness, I felt more anxious than usual. I was busy at work though and this helped to keep my mind off the negative thoughts for most of the time. When I got home in the evening I felt more relaxed but due to the tiredness I felt a bit fed up. I was supposed to be going out for a meal with my social club tonight but it was cancelled. In some ways it's probably just as well as I think I would've been too tired to enjoy it properly.

Tomorrow it will be exactly 2 weeks since I started citalopram. I didn't feel too bad for most of last week and the weekend, but I think now that I've gone back to work my anxiety levels have gone up again. Thankfully they're still not as bad as they were 2 or 3 weeks ago though. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to go back to how anxious I was previously though, and that scares me!

[Sparkle1984]

I'm exactly 2 weeks in now! I slept better last night. I slept from approximately 11pm to 5am, then I woke up for about an hour and found it difficult to sleep, but this time instead of lying there stewing I switched my lamp on and read a magazine for a few minutes. Then when I felt tired I was able to fall asleep again.

At work today I felt much better than I'd felt on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. I felt more relaxed and I think this is because I didn't feel so tired and I also felt like I was getting back into my usual work routine.

This evening I feel reasonably relaxed and happy. My body doesn't feel tensed up like it did last night. I've got a long weekend ahead of me as Monday is a bank holiday, so I know I won't have to worry so much about sleep as I can get up whenever I want due to no work. I watched a couple of my favourite programmes on TV this evening and I didn't get many intrusive thoughts at all.

[Sparkle1984]

Today was a kind of average day. The morning was the worst (with regards to intrusive thoughts) but the day got better as it went on. In the afternoon I began organising a weekend break with my best friend, so I've got that to look forward to in 4 weeks' time. I didn't go out anywhere today. I don't think today was as good as last Saturday, but it was OK. We should be going out to visit some more gardens tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that.

[Sparkle1984]

Today has been a good day, in fact it's been one of the best days I've had for a while. I got up earlier than normal for a Sunday, in order to get ready for our trip to the gardens. I woke up an hour earlier than I wanted to, which wasn't great and I did feel a bit anxious first thing in the morning, but once I'd had breakfast I was OK.
I was fine during the day out and I had a good time. I felt that I could enjoy myself. I had a lovely piece of chocolate cake in the tearoom as well!

It's a bank holiday tomorrow, yay! I plan to have a quiet day at home, and I'll probably bake some chocolate viennese fingers. I haven't done any baking for several weeks now.

[Dizzzie]

hi sparkle so sorry to hear you did not have the best of days yesterday i was on day 6 yesterday had awfull day keep having this pain in breast plate area and under arm dont know if its anxiety or something real as when i try to do things around the house i get it and get alittle out of breath, my mind has started to race so can totally get where your coming from maybe the thought of you having to go bk to work is having an impact im going bk in 1 week dreading it how r u feeling today ? x

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks for your kind words Dizzzie. I haven't felt too bad today. I had a quiet day in, and I baked some chocolate Viennese fingers. I like trying out different recipes and I usually bake something at least once a fortnight.

I had sausage egg and chips for tea, and the sausages were really tasty. I've had 3 days off work due to the bank holiday, but I go back tomorrow. I'm not too bothered about going back to work tomorrow. It was mainly going back after my sick leave last week that worried me, but I don't mind so much going back after a weekend or a holiday. I've arranged to meet a friend for lunch, so that should make the day more pleasant. Even though I've had some ups and downs over the last couple of weeks, I definitely feel like I'm getting better.

[Sparkle1984]

Day 19 - Today has gone pretty well for me - last night I had the best night's sleep I'd had in ages, and I had hardly any negative thoughts while I was at work. I met one of my friends at lunchtime and we went to McDonalds in the local mall.

This was the first time I'd met up with any of my friends since my current anxiety episode started 7 weeks ago. Just a few weeks ago I couldn't have imagined meeting up with my friends as I would've felt too nervous and scared of having a panic attack, so I hardly went out for a while (other than to work). I'm starting to get my confidence back again now and I plan to go out tomorrow evening as well.

My eldest sister came round this evening, so I told her how I'd been getting on and she was pleased with my progress. I've arranged for her to come round on Friday and our family will have a Chinese takeaway together.

[Sparkle1984]

I've felt a lot better at work this week, compared to last week. Even when my manager gives me a difficult task, I don't really feel panicky any more. I've felt more relaxed in the evenings as well, in comparison to last week.

Last night I went to a quiz night with my social club; it was good fun and I had a chicken korma (one of my favourite meals). Doing a quiz is good for taking your mind off negative thoughts. The quiz was a bit slow and drawn out - they only asked one question per minute - but I still enjoyed it. Quite a lot of people turned up so it was good fun.

I've felt pretty much fine today. The negative intrusive thoughts are coming through less and less frequently now, which is a good thing. If I'm feeling this good now, I wonder how I'll feel 2 months in?

[Laura1989]

Thats really good to hear Sparkle. Really pleased for you :-)

We are going to have good and bad days but we have to remember to take the positives from the good days and remember them on the bad days.
i experienced the hightened anxiety side effect today. anxiety isnt really one of my issues so much, but today i popped into town to do some jobs and felt very uncomfortable in the busy places. it was very out of character for me. By the time i got home i was a nervous wreck and was sweating buckets.

but all im telling myself is that its the tablets making me do this, not me and trying to get on with things as normally as i can! not going to let it get the best of me!

[Sparkle1984]

That's good advice - thanks Laura.

Last night my sister and niece came round and we had a Chinese takeaway together, which was good. I also discussed with my sister my preparation for my forthcoming NHS Wellbeing telephone assessment. My sister works in a pharmacy so she is pretty good at helping with this sort of thing.

I also planned a meal out with my friends for Monday evening at one of my favourite restaurants, so I'm looking forward to that. One of my friends is coming back to town so I haven't seen her since Easter - she lives away so I only get to see her 2 or 3 times a year. This morning was good as I listened to some of my favourite songs on YouTube.

In the afternoon and evening I've felt a bit weepy. This isn't to do with my anxiety/depression, I know it's because I've got my period coming up very soon and I often get bad PMS. Even before this anxiety episode began, I often used to cry on the day before my period started. I think I'm going to have an early night tonight and hope tomorrow will be better.