New to citalopram - my experiences

[Sparkle1984]

I've made it through the week! My first full-time week at work in over a month! I'm so glad it's the weekend as the week has been so hectic!

Yesterday at work, my manager passed that task I was stuck on to another member of staff who is more experienced in that area, but even he struggled with it and it's still not fixed. So at least I know it's not just me who was finding it difficult!

In the evening I went out with my friend for a meal at the pub (I had chicken tikka massala) and then we went to the cinema to see the film Ted. I found it really funny - it's one of the funniest films I've seen in a long time.

I had a lay-in this morning until 11am, as I've been feeling so drowsy lately. I feel refreshed now and I'm just going to take it easy for the next couple of days.

[Sparkle1984]

Oh dear, I haven't updated my diary for so long that it's dropped off the front page of the citalopram forum!

I had a nice relaxing weekend, listening to music and playing games. I remember feeling a bit tense on Saturday, but I think that's because I was still recovering from my hectic week! By Saturday evening I felt fine again.

Yesterday was just an average day at work, and then in the evening I went to a social club event, which went OK and it wasn't a late night. Today I was fine at work - a colleague was going through a task with me and I feel I understand it better now. When I got home this evening, I phoned up the doctors surgery to get my blood test results. It's nearly 2 weeks since I had the test and I was supposed to call for the results last week, but as I was so busy I totally forgot! Anyway, the blood test came back saying my thyroid is normal and no action is required. At least I don't have to worry about that any more.

This evening I went to my first Stress Control class at my local college, which was led by a CBT practitioner. There were actually about 70 people on the course! I was surprised there were so many people. This week's session was mostly an introduction, so they were talking about stress, what can trigger it and the links it has with anxiety and depression. We were all given some booklets to take away with us, and they contain exercises and tasks that we need to do before next week's class. I definitely think it will be useful.

[little scientist]

How did you get put in touch with the stress control course?

[Sparkle1984]

How did you get put in touch with the stress control course?

Hi, it's to do with the the NHS Wellbeing Service. I was referred by my doctor, but it is also possible to refer yourself. Depending on whereabouts in the country you live, it might be called something different, but it is run by the NHS. At the class last night they said that the Stress Control course originally began in Glasgow, but since then it's been taken up by NHS districts around the UK.

[Sparkle1984]

The past couple of days have been fine. Yesterday evening after work I had my eyebrows waxed (not something I enjoy, and this time I had a different beautician who took nearly 20 minutes whereas the previous ones only took about 5 minutes!) and after that I went shopping to buy some new jumpers to wear at work.

I've got an exciting weekend coming up. If you've been following this diary you may remember me saying a couple of weeks ago that I was planning to go to London with a friend, but that the plans fell through as the tickets had sold out for the show we wanted to see (the Cake & Bake Show). Well, the show released some extra tickets for Sunday, so we can go after all! I'm really looking forward to it. We'll be travelling to London by coach tomorrow morning, staying in a hotel overnight and then coming home on Sunday evening.

Have a good weekend everyone!

[little scientist]

Enjoy your weekend sparkle! I have done the trip up to chester to visit the parents and receive lots of tlc!

[Sparkle1984]

I'm back! I had a really good time in London. Even though a couple of awkward things happened (which I'll describe later) I never felt particularly anxious or panicky.

I met my friend on Saturday morning and we got the coach to London, and the journey took about 3 hours. I felt rather tired and drowsy, as I had for much of the preceding week, but I didn't want that to spoil the day. We checked into the hotel, then we went for a walk around the local area and bought some salad for lunch. Then we visited Harrods (I'd never actually been inside there before) and it was nice, but very expensive so we didn't buy anything. Amazingly, it was £5.50 for a muffin and £7 for a milkshake! Afterwards we went to Chinatown. I'd been there once before about 10 years ago. I really enjoyed it and by that time my tiredness had started to improve (I usually feel more alert in the afternoon/early evening than in the morning). We visited a Chinese food shop and I bought some noodles and sweets to take back with me. I like trying sweets from different cultures. The sweets are very different to what we would normally have in England. In the evening we had a Chinese takeaway.

On Sunday we went to the Cake & Bake Show at Earl's Court. There were hundreds of stalls to look round, and thousands of visitors. Particularly in the morning and early afternoon, it was very crowded with lots of queues and the other awkward thing was that there were no lockers, so I had to carry my luggage with me all the time along with the cake goodies from the stalls. We had to check out of our hotel at 10am, so we couldn't leave our luggage there. It was quite heavy so I had to sit down every couple of hours or so. I'm not particularly strong or fit as it is! It was a long day and quite tiring, but I really enjoyed it and I'm glad I went. Many of the stalls gave away goodie bags and free samples of cakes and cake-making equipment, icing, cooking chocolate etc. So I think the entry price was definitely worth it.

We left Earl's Court at about 4.30pm as our coach was due to leave Victoria Station at 5.30pm. This is where we had a problem! The 2 underground lines we needed were closed for maintenance, so we asked a member of staff what to do and they said we would have to get a bus to the coach station instead. When we got outside we couldn't find the correct bus stop. So after walking a little way we decided to flag down a taxi instead. In London you're only allowed to flag down black cabs, and even then they have to the yellow light on the front. It was a few minutes but we managed to find a taxi that could take us to the coach station. While I was sitting in the taxi I did feel anxious, worrying what would happen if we missed our coach. The next coach wouldn't be until 2 hours later, and it wouldn't arrive in our hometown until well after 11pm and I'd be exhausted for work the next day. And what if the next coach was fully booked? I tried to keep calm though, and I tried doing some of the breathing techniques I'd learnt, and this definitely helped. In the past when I've felt panicky I get that terrible pressure across my chest, but that didn't happen this time. The good news is that we got to the station just in time, with 7 minutes to spare before the coach left! It was very touch-and-go at times, but I was so relieved that we'd made it!

6 weeks ago I don't know how I would've coped, but knowing that I've been able to enjoy a weekend in London (which can be stressful in some ways, what with all the crowds and hustle and bustle) makes me feel more confident about coping with other things.

Work went well today - I've just started a week-long training course and so far it's been better than I thought it would be. I successfully completed the first 2 tests and exercises. I think the course will really help me feel more confident in my job.

I've got the second day of my CBT course to look forward to tomorrow evening as well.

[Sparkle1984]

This week has been rather intense at times. As mentioned in my previous post, I've been doing an intensive training course at work. It was supposed to last 5 days but it has overrun slightly (probably because I like making so many notes!) so I'll have to continue on Monday morning. I had a bit of a blip yesterday, but fortunately it only lasted 15-20 minutes. When I say blip, I mean I suddenly burst into tears at work, but luckily I was in a room on my own so no-one saw me. (The training is entirely computer-based, so I've been sitting in an office on my own so I don't get disturbed by people asking me to do other things or distracting me!) I nearly always feel tearful in the days before my period starts, so at least I know what caused the blip and I'm not letting it concern me.

The course has been rather intense - it's a lot of information to absorb in one week. By hometime yesterday afternoon my mind felt exhausted from all the studying but I relaxed in the evening so I feel better now.

I had my second CBT class on Tuesday evening and they were talking about how the body reacts to stress, anxiety and panic - the physical symptoms such as fast heart-beat and quick breathing etc and why these happen. We were also given a relaxation CD and I was told to listen to it every night and write my comments in a diary. I've been keeping up with it well so far. Last night when I listened to it, I fell asleep instantly at the end!

Today I've just had a quiet day at home, catching up on some of the TV programmes I missed while I was in London last weekend.

In the last week or so my vivid dreams have started up again, after being absent for a couple of weeks. I'm happy about that as I like having vivid dreams - some of them can be quite weird and amusing. Last night I dreamt that I was walking round the city with my parents, when suddenly they told me that they'd arranged for me to have a job interview and that I would have to be there within 20 minutes. Obviously I was terrified as I had done zero preparation and I didn't even know the company's name! I did say that I didn't want to go but my parents insisted I go and they said they'd be angry if I didn't. The dream was so vivid and detailed that it felt so real! I even remember walking into the office building, going up the lift, going to the toilet to compose myself, then going out to the reception/lobby area and shaking hands with the 2 interviewers before they led me to the interview room. Just after I sat down in the interview room and the interview started, it was at that point that I woke up, relieved that it was all a dream!

[Sparkle1984]

This week has been fairly quiet in comparison to recent weeks. Today I felt rather lethargic and I was in a "can't be bothered" mood which isn't good especially when I'm at work! When I was sitting at my desk, my eyes were stinging (I often get that when I'm tired) and I also felt that I couldn't concentrate properly on my work. I felt apathetic and I didn't feel very motivated.

I've always had days like that from time to time, even when I was at school I remember having "off" days where I felt that I couldn't be bothered to make much of an effort. Thankfully most of the time I'm very motivated. I hope I'll be better tomorrow, as I didn't get much work done today because of the way I was feeling. Anyway, I've got a long weekend to look forward to as I've booked Monday off as holiday.

[Sparkle1984]

My daily updates have pretty much turned into weekly updates. Now that I'm feeling better I don't feel the need to update my diary every day. I've been on cit for exactly 9 weeks now.

I had a long weekend as I had Monday off work. I had a quiet weekend as I didn't go out anywhere (other than the supermarket). On Sunday I baked some chocolate orange chip cookies. I do find that baking helps lift my mood and helps me feel calm. I made 12 cookies and my Mum and I have eaten them all already!

I've been feeling a lot more confident at work this week. That training course I did a couple of weeks ago has really helped me, it seems to have clicked into place now. My manager is pleased with my progress on my current task. In fact yesterday I was getting on so well that when it was 5pm I was disappointed that it was time to go home, as I was so engrossed in what I was doing! I haven't had that feeling for ages!

On Tuesday I went to week 4 of my Stress Control course. This time they were talking about controlling your actions, which means not avoiding situations which cause you stress/panic. We also learnt about problem-solving (breaking problems into bitesize stages), and how to get rid of safety behaviours (eg wearing high necked clothes as you fear other people will see you blushing). I learnt that these safety behaviours feed the sense of threat by keeping your self-confidence low. For example, if you have a fear of fainting, and your safety behaviour involves leaning against something, and one day you don't lean against something and you don't faint, you will feel more in control and the sense of threat will reduce. This will then help you control thoughts more easily.

I've also made progress on my exercise - this week I bought the game Just Dance 4 for my Wii (as just by chance I saw it advertised on TV the night before, and I've already got the other 3 games in the series) and this evening when I got home from work I played it for the first time. I only did it for 20 minutes - it's been several months since I last exercised properly so it's best if I build up gradually. For the rest of this evening I noticed I felt calmer and happier than usual, so I'm really pleased about that. I know I've got to keep it up though.

I had a couple of meals out this week. On Wednesday evening I went out for a meal with one of my best friends. I enjoyed it but unfortunately the evening got off to a stressful start because my bus home from work was over half an hour late. So I was worried that I'd be late for my meal. I did cope with this better than I would've done in the past - back then I would've just stood there feeling panicky, but this time I called my step-dad to tell him what had happened. He said that if the bus doesn't arrive within another 10 minutes, he would come and pick me up. I didn't feel quite so worried then. Thankfully the bus arrived a few minutes later. It did mean I didn't have much time to get ready - I didn't even have a chance to sit down before it was time to go out to the meal. I still enjoyed the night anyway, even though my underlying stress levels felt a bit higher than normal.

Tonight I went to a local Thai restaurant with my family. It's a very expensive, award-winning restaurant, so we only ever go there on special occasions once every few years. Some relatives were visiting, so that's why we decided to go there. I really enjoyed it. As I felt more relaxed tonight, I think I enjoyed it more than the meal on Wednesday.