Pregabalin and ME- from Black Hole to Super Nova or a small cool faint RED Dwarf?

[Ando1967]

Day 9 Wednesday 22-08-2012

Got more sleep last night but things not getting better during the day
It seems I can sleep pretty much most of the day- I am weighed down by a gloomy grey duvet of dread and lifelessness – it seems to start to lift about 3 pm and then by 5-6 things are getting better. I have this every day but thanks to the Pregabalin it is without the anxiety which to be honest was pushing me over the edge. I just feel that my whole biological clock is completely out of whack. I need my 3pm to be happening at 8 am!
Anyway I hjave ordered melatonin from OZ and I will trial the tangerine glow of f.lux J

7am Progabalin 150mg
8pm Progabalin 300mg


Day 10 Thursday 23-08-2012

I accidentally took 300 mg pregabalin last night (forgot I had taken dose already) and today was the best day I have had in months - co-incidence? anyway I was up early (11am – okay not early for a normal person but early for me given my recent sleep issues) went swimming then to work – then home to move another cubic meters of pebbles for my backward (I know a very exciting life)… more importantly I have not felt tired or anxious or depressed- a little sad but once again compared to recent times it was a dramatic improvement- in a crazy way I get nervous when I feel good! It’s so unusual for me and such a relief that I am scared that it is going to be taken away from me – I am scared I will lose it! I should be grateful for the days – hours – minutes?? when I don’t feel like the world is collapsing on top of me! It would be good to feel okay and be relaxed about it (I assume that’s what a lot of people without significant mental health issues feel) but maybe they don’t even appreciate feeling okay – or even good because they don’t spend so much times trapped in a dark anxiety ridden blanket so they don’t have the “fresh” memories of how bad it can get – and as a consequence can’t really appreciate how good it is to just feel okay??? - does that makes some sense is it overtly over analytical gibberish

Hanshan – I know what you are getting at – my brother works “dogwatch” in a coal mine in OZ and he is fine with his very “abnormal” sleep cycle- I work in a position where I have to be at work at 8 am so getting out of bed at 1pm 2 pm 5 pm !! etc isn’t really going to work. If i worked 5pm to 3 am that would be perfect and i would not be as stressed by my sleep pattern – BUT today was better so fingers crossed

I am going to try the 300 mg dose again tonight

7am Progabalin 150mg
8pm Progabalin 300mg

[Ando1967]

Day 11 Friday 24-08-2012

Slept 4 hrs last night – feel completely alert and awake today – maybe slightly manic
This drug seems to be giving me a crazy ride- I just hope it doesn’t go full circle as I am not anxious – I am less depressed (although I am having the odd wobbly moment) and being a little manic is okay – I just don’t want it to get out of control
n.b. I have an appetite – I have had major issues with anorexia all my life and especially when I am depressed/anxious – I have not been able to eat any solids until night time for 3 months- I feel physically nauseous if I try and eat food before this time and have been on a liquid diet throughout the day and even that is a struggle – from day 2 of pregabalin I have been more interested food in the morning (still shakes but not having to force them down) and I am able to eat solids during the day. I am actually hungry which I have only ever been at night - usually after I have drunk alcohol from which I am now completely abstaining
Anyway I need to be careful as I think I am putting on too much weight but to have an appetite - to be able to eat during the day is fabulous ha ha - so simple – just eating – another thing I am sure is largely taken for granted – now after half a lifetime (I am assuming that I will live to the average life expectancy of the Western World which I guess is possible but seriously this is not an issue for me – I just want a bit of “time” without my head doing a number on me – some time of internal peace – sorry I have digressed) – so I seem to be able to eat without effort or a sense that I am forcing myself – there is a pleasure in simple wanting and being able to eat J

Plan for today:
7am Progabalin 150mg
8pm Progabalin 300mg

[hanshan]

Hi David,

I'm so glad that pregabalin seems to be making a difference. In my experience, there's a point past which it doesn't work, which you still have to deal with. Nevertheless, for me it's been a godsend.

I've looked at the internet for the sale of melatonin in Australia. I have to say that I've been living in Japan for the past 18 months, so I may not be up with the latest changes to laws regulating what is available. However, to the best of my knowledge, melatonin was available only on prescription when I left Australia, and that has not changed. However, melatonin is available over the counter in the US, and there don't seem to be many restrictions on importing a small supply for private use into Australia.

The internet seems to have a number of brands advertising melatonin in Australia. But if the above rules are true, they can't be selling melatonin directly in Australia. Either the Australian address links to a US source, or the product isn't really melatonin.

A key here is the word "homeopathic". This means that the active ingredient has been diluted to the point that not even one molecule may be in the preparation, ie it is just water. Homeopaths argue that a "memory" of the active ingredient remains, but really, homeopathic melatonin contains no actual melatonin. I suspect that the Australian melatonin is "homeopathic". Also, the brands that I see advertising melatonin online in Australia don't include familiar supermarket brand names, which is a cause for concern.

I would buy melatonin from the US, where it is freely available. That way, you are sure of getting the real deal.

[Ando1967]

Thanks Hanshan - I will explore the sourcing of melatonin in more detail. Can you clarify what you mean by the point at which pregabalin doesn't work yet you say it has been a Godsend ? Do you still use it even though it stopped working ??? I really hope it doesn't stop working for my anxiety as this seems to be a major step forward for me.
Thanks again
David

[hanshan]

Hi David,

Sorry, I wasn't totally clear in what I said. I've been taking pregabalin for about two years now and it has worked consistently the whole time. What I meant about a point at which it stops working is that it doesn't guarantee a 100% anxiety-free life. If something extra-stressful like an examination or a job interview comes along, then pregabalin won't stop (all) the anxiety coming from that - but it takes the anxiety down to a normal level which ordinary people experience.

Pregabalin has given me the confidence to take up a job in Japan - not without its stresses, but an experience I am very glad to have.

[Ando1967]

Thanks Hanshan
I have to say I still recognise the anxiety in very stressful situations (my job is very stressful) but it is not overwhelming - i am relieved that's what you meant because to be honest I think i would be lost without it's effects and I haven't even been using it for a fortnight p.s. Hanshan what dose are you on out of interest?
ta
D

[hanshan]

Hi David,

I'm on the maximum dose of 600 mg per day. More than that plus a heart medication that I occasionally take literally makes me go weak at the knees, so I think it's the limit for me.

[Ando1967]

Day 12 Saturday 25-08-2012

Slept 6 hrs! Great – felt awake at 7 but got very depressed re thinking about events at work yesterday – could not get motivated (but not anxious) – took zopiclone and slept all day – up late afternoon felt better and managed to go out for dinner

7am Pregabalin 150mg
8pm Pregabalin 200mg


Day 13/14 Sunday/Monday 26/27-08-2012

Depressed re work issues- slept most of the day – anxiety being held under wraps but I can feel it
trying to get out (only reaching a level 1/5 on my anx scale but champing at the bit)

7am Pregabalin 150mg
8pm Pregabalin 200mg

[hanshan]

Hi David,

You've only been on pregabalin a short time. Hopefully with pregabalin controlling the anxiety, you will be better able to deal with work issues as they arise.

Ganbatte kudasai (as they say in Japan).

Hanshan

[Ando1967]

Thanks hanshan
It's really odd- i have worked under very high pressure for years - most of my life and always coped (thought I coped) - i now realise that there was always a level of anxiety just below the surface. Maybe that is needed. I have just tipped into a state of being dysfunctional. I have to say my current levels of pressure are fairly overwhleming. I need to simplify my life but it's hard when u are in the middle of a mental crisis, have commitments including a mortgage and all the rest. As my mum used to say "stop the World I want to get off" anyway thanks for your support
D