Excessive Blushing / Blushing In Meetings

[youcanmakeit]

Hello everyone.

Just wondered if anybody else suffers from excessive blushing and the anxiety that goes with it?

My problem started about 7 or 8 years ago, I had never suffered with any anxiety issues before this. One day I was in a meeting at work, in fact I was chairing the meeting. As the meeting came to an end I was talking and my mind just went blank, I couldn't think of anything and was lost for words, I then realised people were looking at me and waiting for what I was going to say next and I felt myself go bright red and panic. That was the day the seed was planted in my mind. I put it down to a one off experience at the time but later that day I had another meeting in the same room and the same thing happened as soon as the attention was on me.

Since then I have suffered with anxiety and the fear of blushing in social situations, and it can be anywhere, in a meeting at work or just paying for something in a shop if the shop assistant starts being friendly and asking questions.

In my mind I know there is nothing to be afraid of and it doesn't make any logical sense to me, but I know as soon as I am in a situtaion where I feel it would be embarrassing to go red, sure enough I will.

I think the worse scenario for me is in meetings at work, as I am aware that I can't just make an excuse and walk away, I am stuck there sat around a table with people just across from me. There is nowhere to hide and this adds to the fear as I know if I go red everyone can see. I have tried to distract myself or tell myself it doesn't matter and nobody will think any less of me, but the reality is nothing seems to work it just keeps happening.

It really is a horrible thing to live with and is constantly on my mind which just makes it worse. I used to be quite a confident person but this has destroyed that and I feel like I am so fragile now, it is also effecting my career as I just haven't got the confidence to go for promotions at work as they involve more meetings and presentations and I know I just couldn't handle it.

Does anybody suffer with similar symtoms? Any advice or tips on how to help the situation? I don't expect there to be some magic answer out there but anything that would help improve it would be great.

[swgrl09]

My chest, arms, neck all turn red when I am anxious or nervous ... anything that makes my body warm up causes me to go bright red. My doctor gave me beta blockers to use if I have a presentation to give or something, but I haven't tried them. He said to try mindfulness meditation as well.

Honestly the only thing that has helped me is to over time try to just go with the flow, when I feel it happen I think it is much more worse than it appears to others, so I just acknowledge it is happening and when I calm down it goes away. It goes away much faster now that I don't let myself dwell on it. It took quite some time though to get to that point because it is truly so embarrassing, like wearing your heart on your sleeve right out there. But many people have told me it is not that noticeable unless I point it out to them. It just takes practice, I guess.

I wish I had better advice, it is a pain to deal with, I know from experience.

My big task just to add is my wedding next year. I hope to conquer this before it!!!!

[youcanmakeit]

Hey thanks for the response.

I have heard about the 'go with the flow' theory and it does make sense, if you think to yourself 'ok its happening again just carry on', I suppose the idea is you don't get as worked up and it will pass quicker.

It is a lot easier said than done though, and like you said takes time, effort and persistance. I have tried this only once or twice with limited success, I should really work at it and persist with it. Before a meeting I have tried to convince myself to just 'go with the flow' and see it through, but as you will know, once your in the situtation all logic goes out the window sometimes and you just revert back to old ways.

Thanks for the advice I think I will maybe work on this approach and put more effort in. I think its about being brave enough to think that the next time it happens you don't try to hide it, but except it and just carry on regardless, that takes some guts as it is so difficult when in your mind you presume you are bright red and people are looking at you.

[swgrl09]

I get what you are going through 100%. It is tough especially now in the summer where it is hot and so I can't have sleeves on or anything ... although that still doesn't cover face/neck. I sometimes can't even answer a question at work or school without feeling the warmth creep up, I think I have somehow gotten to the point where I know it is going to happen and nothing I can do about it, so might as well just let it go. But that took A LOT of work. You can do it though, I know it!

[youcanmakeit]

It's an interesting point you raise about the summer months and the heat effecting you. Are you saying that the heat makes it more likely that you will go red or is it just the fact that you can't cover up as much?

The heat doesn't sem to matter to me, if I am going to go red I will go red regardless of how hot it is. Although I must say when I go down to the gym in the mornings and I have done 30 minutes or so work, I am sweating and hot anyway and I notice that I don't worry at all about going red when I talk to people, I suppose it's becuase I know that it would be natural to look like that in the gym anyway, the fact the I don't worry about it down there as there is an excuse just goes to show how the mind works.

When you say it took you a lot of work, are you talking months, years? Were you practising techniques everyday?

[swgrl09]

So far it's been about 6 months ... it still comes back but I just try to ignore it. I was practicing daily because it would happen daily and I just had to keep calm, accept what was happening as inevitable, and then it would works it way out.

For heat, I mean both. I can't cover up as much but also for some reason when I am warm it happens more easily. My doctor suggested carrying ice water around to help me calm down and cool off. I don't know if it really helps much, but I try to have it handy if it is hot. It is a vaso-vagal (could have the word wrong) reaction with the veins so that is why he gave me beta blockers.

[hanshan]

I had a similar problem in my late teens and early twenties, but fortunately it went away over time. I was just a student at the time, so often I would just get up and leave the room.

Beta blockers have been helpful for many people with this condition. Perhaps you might want to talk to your doctor about trying them.

[youcanmakeit]

My doctor did give me beta blockers many years ago when I first started suffering with the condition. I suppose the idea was to calm me down and lower the heart rate, I am not sure how effective they were, I used them for a few months, maybe psychologically it helped me as I just assumed it would help, if that makes sense. I suppose if you think a medication will help it does help even if it is actually doing nothing as you are calmed by the reassurance that the medication will control things.

I haven't spoken to the doctor in years about it, I have just tried to help myself by reading certain books and websites.

One thing I picked up from CBT a few years ago was to write down some key points that would help reassure me about the reality of the situation. I would then read these points first thing everyday, I suppose to try and imprint them in my mind so subconciously that's how I would think. These were some fo the points I have written down:

So what if you blush, who cares
Other people may or may not even notice
If other people notice, they won't think anything of it, it doesn't matter
People won't think anything less of you
Have done meetings hundreds of times before, can do it now
Just smile through it to show it doesn't bother you

These are just an example, I try to read these a few times everyday now to get them stuck in my mind, I will see if it has any effect.

[busybee09]

I read something before where if you say to yourself, "omg im going red, im actually going red" it makes the situation worse whereas if you say "im going BLUE! asif i'm going BLUE!" this is suppost to work. I tried it in an social interveiw last week lol

[chloe83]

I suffer frm ths to,with panic attacks n anxiety x