Citalopram diary - Day 15 - Here we go!

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Day 44

Woke up feeling slightly more positive today, still felt a bit groggy and have no energy but forced myself to get up and out the house.

Went to the Local Health shop to get some Vitamin B12 and B complex as people say it can be good for anxiety. I felt quite foggy and just generally a bit crappy, with slight headache and the usual funny sensations in my head. Its like i think im not even anxious so why is my head feeling this weird and why am i so foggy, which then makes me think something is rong with me and triggers anxiety. Anyway it wasnt as bad as when i tried to go out a few weeks ago but ive also been out before now and not felt this bad. Its very up and down. Came home for a bit watched some tv and played a bit of playstation, didnt feel to bad but still a bit groggy and foggy. Decided to try and go out again so i decided to go and get a massage to try and relax, i felt ok while i was getting the massage, i wasnt analysing how i was feeling the whole time which was good. But as soon as i left and walked home the fog and just generally crapy feeling is still there pulling me down.

I no i do have underlying anxiety and i moniter how i feel to much but even when i feel calm and my anxiety is hardly there i still have this groggy, foggy, heavy head, a bit dizzy/lightheaded, slight headache, fuzzy sensation in my head. Also my vision seems to get blurry at times, just my distance vision, like one day it may be ok and the next i cant read a number plate that is a few metres away, nut up close everything is still clear. If it isnt anxiety causing it what could it be?

It feels like If i became really happy and totally anxiety free these feeling would still be there holding me down. I dont no where this all came from and everything i used to do and that normal people do seems impossible when feeling this crap. I dont no how i used to work everyday and go out every weekend, because i couldnt do it while the feeling hangs over me, its like a weight holding me down that i cant shift.

[loopylu86]

Is day 44 today? Have just been reading your whole thread and can relate massively to what you say. The fuzzy head (depersonalisation) is what annoys me the most. I get up and walk around and just want to lie back down again. x

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Yea day 44 is today. Yea its horrible. I dont know if its the Citalopram, the anxiety or maybe something else going on with my brain that is causing it.

[loopylu86]

Have you read on DP/DR yet? Go to the symptoms section and you will relate to it. It's a common anxiety side effect. I find that it creates more anxiety in me though lol. It goes eventually when you start ignoring it. Very hard when you feel lik you are about to hit the deck at all times! lol

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Yea ive experienced both and they are the worst feelings. The fuzzy feeling im talking about at the moment isnt DP or DR though its just a really strange feeling in my head like its fizzing inside my head, kike im coming up on some sort of drug but it doesnt feel good, its hard to explain.

---------- Post added at 23:44 ---------- Previous post was at 23:28 ----------

Update on today:

Have had these strange head feelings most of the day, but i am pretty calm about it, just feels horrible and strange because i dont know whats going on, my anxiety isnt to bad though, i can relax. Still a bit foggy. I just feel like i kind of have flu with a horrible head feeling but i dont feel nauseas.

My mum asked me how i was feeling earlier and i said still feel strange and a bit crappy, she said when is this all going to end, its going on and on. I said you dont understand what its like. I no she didnt mean it in a bad way, she just wants me to get better. Its not like the flu or a cold that you have for a week or so and then get better, thats what some people seem to assume its like.

Anyway. I dont feel really bad, just strange and uncomfortable.

Im still waiting for my referal to the neurologist to come through. After going to my doctor about 5 or 6 times they eventually agreed to refer me after me hassling them so much. Im wondering now if the doctor just said they were going to refer me to get rid of me for a bit. I just want to find out if all these strange head sensations, the dizzyness, the one pupil bigger than the other, muscle twitches, sometimes blurry distance vision are all anxiety or if they are something else. The doctors didnt want to refer me and were sure its anxiety so i hope they are right but i will chase up the referral at some point this week.

Still staying on 10mg of the Cit for now since i dropped down from 20mg. See how i feel for the next week or so.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Day 45

Couldnt get to sleep last night suddenly had a surge of energy that started at around 4am.

Anyway been woken up today by my mum, telling me shes fed up with this and i need some tough love to start getting up and out of bed doing normal things again and getting back to normality. Yes shes right and I do need to try and start doing normal things, which i do try but its very hard when you feel so dizzy foggy and like crap constantly. I was out and about yesterday for a little bit, so atleast im doing something, although i did feel horrible most of the time.

anyway, i dont feel to bad this morning so far so ill try and get out and about.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Update on today:

Sorry guys this has sort of turned into a general anxiety diary.

I said to myself right im going out today, going to ignore this anxiety it cant hurt me. I went into central London on the train, had a look around for a few hours, met an old mate from work for a little bit. I felt pretty good, probably the best id felt for a while, i hardly had any anxiety just still some thoughts and slight analiysing of how i feel and if i have any of my usual symptoms. I was pretty much fine, relaxed, i was nearly falling asleep on the way home and wasnt worrying at all.

Then i was nearly back to my local area i walked to get something to eat and suddenly, i got the horribile fuzzy head, a strange headache, like my whole head my acheing just slightly. My head was so fuzzy, like i couldnt focus on anything or barely communicate if someone tried to talk to me. See this is what makes me think i have something neurologically rong; I was fine all day, no anxiety, very calm, just going to get something to eat on my way home and then bang, these symptoms come. No anxiety then symptoms, its symptoms then anxiety. These feelings nearly sent me into a panic attack and made me think what the hell is going on this cant be anxiety. Now after a good start to the day with no anxiety, this has now happend and i feel back in the whole where i was with brain fog, dizzyness and these fuzzy head feelings that come and go. My uneven pupils are still there and they have been huge since the fuzzy head incedent.

Just dont know if i can still believe its anxiety. If anyone experiences similar things please let me know.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Still got the fuzzy head but it has eased since erlier, im still slightly dizzy and every now and then while im just lying in bed its like my brain does a flip and i get extremely dizzy for a couple of seconds. Apart from that i just feel a bit ill and groggy now. Was please with how the day went untill these symptoms kicked in out of nowhere. I dont no what these feelings are and i hope they stop soon because i feel i can beat this anxiety but i cant if these random fuzzy dizzyness persists because it just makes me feel like crap and takes my hope away.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Day 46

I really do not no what is going on, Last night while trying to get to sleep my head still felt so weird, fuzzy, lightheaded, was getting the odd random shooting pain in my head every now and then and felt a bit sick. Now i have woken up this morning, my head feels worse, like its numb, my body feels floaty and light and i also feel cold.

I am staying pretty calm considering. This is just really getting to me, i manage to stay calm and not feel to anxious but still im getting these strange symptoms.

I have been to the doctor about these symptoms several times and they didnt refer me, i even had a letter from the opticians after my eye test saying to refer me to a nuero opthamologist so i gave it to my doctor and they still didnt refer me. I went back again and basically forced them to refer me, the doctor said she would refer me to a neuro just this time. But i think she may have just been saying that and not refer me as she has done this before a few years back. How can they just tell me its anxiety without checking anything? I will have to chase up this referal and see if it has actually been done.

I doubt these symptoms have anything to do with the Citalopram as i have felt very similar to this before taking them.

I really do not feel right and its not like my anxiety is building these symptoms up, the symptoms are just there anyway.

---------- Post added at 16:25 ---------- Previous post was at 12:46 ----------

This is doing my head in . Im not anxious i just feel like crap, so groggy, my head feels so horrible. Its like i feel im getting somwhere with the anxiety and feel more in control then just get horrible feelings in my head. Im only on 10mg of Cit now, i dont think its anything to do with that. It just feels like i feel positive a think things are getting better as i have low anxiety then something hits from from another angle and says no im not going to let you feel better.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Update:

Feel slightly better, my head still feels a bit fuzzy and sort of numb, sorry its just so hard to describe. The slight fog is still there and still feel a bit groggy. I feel quite calm but anxiety does rise up slightly now and then. Just watched the football so that took my mind of things slightly by the feelings are still there niggling at me.

Just dont no what to do now. Dont no whats causing these feelings. Dont no whether to keep taking Citalopram, i will for now anyway. Just need to see this neuro and either find out if theres something going on or confirm its most likely anxiety so i can move on. Just have it hanging over me at the moment. Sometimes i do feel ok and i start to attempt to get back to some normality, i feel calm and fine and then these fuzzy head symptoms come. So just makes me think what can i do.