I should really have kept a diary all along. I've decided to start one now, so that I can see more clearly what progress I'm making.

Anxiety 6/10 (how bad I feel out of 10)
Depression 7/10
Confidence 4/10
Relaxation 3/10
Stress 8/10

Hasn't really been too bad a day by my standards. I normally wake up with my mrs at about 6.45 and go round to hers so that she can have a shower there. We've talked and decided that it isn't working because I feel grim all day after getting up at that time. So, this morning she went round on her own and I stayed in bed. She then called me when it was time for me to pick her up and take her to work. I couldn't really sleep any more, but it was a break from the routine and it was a slightly more relaxing way to start the day.

After I'd dropped her and her brother off at work (I'm resenting dropping him off at the moment because it's well out of my way and he used to play for my football team, but he messed me about- I've considered asking him for petrol money, but I can imagine the mother in law turning round and saying how much she's paid for our wedding and that's the least we could do for her...... so I'm not being very assertive, I know). Anyway, after I'd dropped them off at work I went for a bit of a swim and a sauna.

I then got my hair cut. The hairdresser asked if he'd taken enough off and I asked him to do a bit more (assertiveness brownie points!). I did feel a bit unwell sat in the chair though for some reason.

After that I came back and picked my gran up and took her shopping for food for my brother's wedding tomorrow. I do find trudging round with someone (esp. shopping) one of the most depressing experiences and it makes my body feel really heavy. I did try and lift myself by using a bit of initiative and going off on my own for things.

After that I met my fiancee for lunch. I wasn't going to because I had a lot to do today and because I'm concerned about spending too much, but she's made a really big effort recently to control her temper and put me first, so I agreed to meet her. The waitress brought out the wrong thing and rather than just accept it, I explained that it wasn't what I'd ordered...more assertiveness brownie points.

I am a bit concerned that it's my brother's wedding tomorrow and I'm best man that I haven't finished my speech yet.

I'm also annoyed that my dad had a heart attack about 3 months ago and, after doing really well at not smoking, he's now back on them again. I've got him self-help books from the library, but he's not interested in reading them.

I'm also a bit concerned about all the different fractions of my family coming together tomorrow. My mum and dad split up about 17 years ago. My fiancee doesn't really get on with my dad and his mrs. I've had a bit of a fall out with my other gran. The bride to be has social anxiety (I thinK) and needs to get hammered before being with people!!!!

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.