Life Circumstances Changing Plz Help

[The_Next_Step]

I have reached a crossroad and circumstances are changing my life not necessarily the way I want them to change as I have probably mentioned before about living with my 80+ year old grandparents from age 14 – 28 years old because of my abusive father and now as my grandparents are getting to the stage where they are getting to old for my company and they are starting to REALLY ANNOY ME with their old age! I do not know what to do.

There has been many occasions where I have tried to find a flat to rent throughout a period of 3 years from age 22 – 27 money is not an issue really it is just they are in the wrong area or do not have a shower installed in the bathroom. Now this might sound like I am feeling sorry for myself which I am not but with my life I have always had to struggle to get to the stage where I want to be or get what I want and deserve which hardly ever happens and therefore I always get more lows than highs that is the way my life seems to roll naturally even with professional help from my CBT Therapist.

I went into town for a year going to the Library to learn web design and development but it all went pear shaped as there is no proper qualification, I lack confidence and I still have an ongoing commitment to my community where I live in keeping it liveable still and so from 2011 – 2012 I have stayed at home putting up with threats where we live and putting up with my grandparents and although I would never kill someone I have thoughts of killing the threats and my grandparents and in turn it is making me feel on edge and Very Angry as if I have had enough and want to run away and live in another country and I mean Spain, America, Italy and even to Afghanistan even if it means joining the Army!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As I do not seem to have a life in the UK but I do not have enough money to do that.

My CBT therapist has got me onto a programme at a private business where I will get qualifications in administration to get me started onto the road of employment but I would rather get qualifications in anything to do with the computer industry but she said I would benefit in doing admin instead for the time being as I would earn more money in the future but I want to do that in the computer industry but I suppose I can still do online courses in the computer industry in my own time if the private business gets me into a job.

But how is this supposed to help me with my life?? as it does not get me away from living where I do! As I want to leave home! So no flat = no life. Am I being a drama king?? But saying that my life always seems to stay in hell no matter what I do to make it to heaven where I deserve to be and need to be to stay focused and function able in life. I am running out of patience and I just feel like I want to lock myself in my bedroom until I die of old age in my 80’s or 90’s etc.

Kind Regards,

NewBeginning84

[Zingything]

Firstly I am very sorry that you have experienced such cruelty and distress in your life, I think to get this far having been through what you have is amazing, BUT I do have to say that I find your comments regarding your grandparents very disturbing and quite frankly selfish.

I have read your other posts and I do feel for you, but saying that your grandparent's old age is annoying you, and that their is food still on the cutlery that THEY hand wash is apalling. These are the grandparents that kindly took you into their house when things got bad at home, they didn't have to, they did because they love and care about you.

I have elderly relatives and yes it can be really frustrating listening to them repeat themselves and forgetting things but I accept that is just how it is, they don't do it on purpose and I have realised that as they become older they need more support and help from me. You should be grateful for their generousity AND you should be washing the dishes if you're not happy with it.

I personally think that a stay in hospital would be the best action to take considering you speak of thinking about killing people, including your grandparents. You have to tell your CPN/GP about these thoughts before you become even more unwell.

I wish you the best.