New Job - 2nd day and sick with anxiety!!

[Ruby77]

Hi all,

I need some words of reassurance. I suffer with depression and anxiety and take citalopram but I barely have symptoms these days.

I'm on the second day of a new job and im freaking out. Haven't eaten a thing in 2 days, I feel sick and faint, I want to run away and cry.

The people aren't friendly, I don't know anyone and I want to go back to my old job.

Is this feeling going to go away? How long will I feel like this? I feel like I've made a terrible decision.

Help help help.

[Annie0904]

Starting a new job is not easy for anyone so even worse for someone who suffers from anxiety. It is only your 2nd day so I can imagine it will be very difficult for you and hope that it will get better as the week goes on and the people will be more friendly to you. You didn't say what kind of job it is so don't about how it is for socializing at lunch times etc. You have done well so far in getting the job and I hope your confidence in it will get better as the week goes on

[wizbit7]

it will get easier you just got to try and fight threw it, the more time you spend at your new job the easier it should become,,although you can always look for another job if after a while you find it dont suit you, hope things settle down for you i know how you feeling for experience

[Elle-Kay]

It will get easier. As Annie said, the first few days of a new job are nerve-wracking for everyone, let alone someone with anxiety, and you've done so well to get yourself to this point. Rather than focusing on feeling bad, try letting yourself imagine how good you will feel at the end of your first week (and when you get your first payslip! )

[NoPoet]

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this crap. It sounds like a crisis of confidence, a name which also happens to give you the solution to this problem.

If you've only been there two days you haven't had time to settle in and get used to things. You don't know your colleagues and they don't know you. Contrary to many TV shows and films, people don't always settle in straight away in a montage of laughter, teamwork and inspiring music; it takes guts and determination, exactly the qualities you needed when you were fighting back against the anxiety and depression. You just need to use the same skills a little differently.

My advice is to improve your confidence in your own ability to do the job. This may mean bringing things home from work to read (with your manager's permission of course). I would recommend keeping a notebook with you and writing down important processes etc so you can read them and re-read them when you get some time.

While you do this, it's important not to let yourself freak out and think you can't do it. Relax, take lots of deep breaths and simply allow yourself to read what's in front of you. You will still have negative thoughts, this is normal, just don't let them take control.

As your confidence in your basic ability to do the job improves, you will find a huge weight lifts from you. The time you currently spend stressing will then be better spent talking to the people you're working with and gradually building connections. Just show some interest in the people around you - for example if one of them has a sick relative, ask them how their relative is getting on and tell them you hope things will get better soon.

You'll be surprised how much of a difference this can make when you're talking to a decent person; ignorant prats are fairly easy to spot as they will deliberately fail to respond to you and it's not worth making much effort with them. Watch how they interact with others though, because some people just don't have a lot to say and that's very different from being ignorant or cold.

I always use Deep Space 9 as a good example of making the best of your circumstances. When the show starts, DS9 (a space station) is a cold and broken place where all of the main characters, without exception, hate to be. They variously feel alienated, betrayed, ignored and disliked. As the series progresses the characters SLOWLY start to settle down, make friends, start relationships and generally improve their own lives and those of the people around them, until in one of the later series there's a brilliant moment where Sisko (the main character) refers to DS9 as home and actually asks himself when he started to see the "monstrosity" of DS9 as his home.

Later on, as Starfleet is kicked out of Deep Space 9 by an alien armada, Sisko makes a speech to the inhabitants of the station, telling them he will do everything in his power to return to "this place where I belong".

I hope that example gets my point across. Starting a new job can be upsetting and difficult, but it's a part of life. You've come this far, see it through; you get through life by moving forward, not back.

[Ruby77]

Thank you all so much for your replies, I really appreciate it.

In answer to your question its an admin office based job. No one really seems to go to lunch together, they do their own thing and they are all quite busy.

The problem isn't with the work although i hate not knowing what im doing i know i can learn. Its the people and the environment, they seem so uninterested in talking to me.

My last job was with such friendly people and we were close but i had to move for more money so you're right I'll just think of that.

How long does it take 'normal' people to settle into a job?

I've not eaten for two days i wish i could stop this feeling!!

[Iced_diamond]

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear that you are not feeling happy in your new job. You will probably find that within a couple of weeks you will already feel much more comfortable and have settled in. I can tell you a very similar story, because I changed jobs about 3 months ago myself (also an admin/accounting type job). Like you, I also felt very nervous in my first week and it seemed to me like everyone was just getting on with their own work and couldn't be bothered that I was there. It made me think:"Why did they hire me?" or "Do they not like me." I started miss my old job and the people there and immediately missed it and wished I hadn't made the move...BUT: I believe this was just a defense mechanism-just because I was nervous and scared-as are all people of new jobs, even if they say they're not. I imagine you applied for this job for a good reason and you were offered the job for a good reason. Maybe your colleagues are just getting on with their work, because they may be a bit busy or they don't fully understand how you feel, as they are not in your situation? Chances are they do not intend to upset you-may just be a bit of thoughtlessness? Could you maybe try talking to them? Maybe be the one to start up a conversatin with them? Like what did they do at the week-end or maybe suggest going to lunch together to get to know them a bit better and vice versa? You should most certainly NOT let this upset you so much that you don't feel like eating. Really. You must eat and shouldn't damage your health by worrying like this. Though I do know how you feel, because I have been there before, you mustn't let it get to you that much. Can you maybe try calling a friend after work or maybe have a chat to a family member and tell them how the job's going etc-talking to someone can help. In any event, I wish all the best of luck in whatever choices you make concerning your work life. But remember, health comes first. Take care and keep your head up.

[jackie13]

Hi Hun

Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this

I can relate to you with a job I started a few years ago.

My first few days was horrible felt like I was in a bubble and that my working life would never be the same again. It slowly passed after the first week or so and I can remember the end of the 2nd week going home on the Friday feeling great. New surroundings and people might be causing you to feel like this. You are strong to get through anxiety/panic in the past.

Big hugs
Jackie x

[Ruby77]

Thanks all for replying. Its nice to hear people have been in similar situations and that it does pass so there is hope.

I can't help the not eating, its how my anxiety manifests itself and of course it doesn't help because it makes me feel weak and tired.

I have tried talking to them, asking them questions but its so one sided, they don't give much away and don't ask me questions. I came from such a friendly office so this is so hard. I just want to run away and not come back but I can't.

I guess I need to look for a new job so I can find somwhere that fits better but in the mean time I am stuck here feeling like this.

[electrical_stormgirl]

I sympathise- I was in a similar situation a few years ago and it's horrible. I decided to look for a new job after a few months and have been in this job ever since (a friendly company!). It may just take time for people to warm up but if not it sounds like the problem is with them so look for a new friendly place to work