Re: I'm worried sick and feel like I'm going to be frowned upon
Hello Lyn,
I'm not going to call you 'Nobody important' because you ARE important. Welcome to No More Panic - I really hope you find this website as helpful and supportive as I, and many others, have.
I am very sorry to hear how you are feeling. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time of it at the minute.
Can I ask, when you say that you don't want to attend the counselling sessions until you are feeling a bit better, which is why you are putting it off to a later date, what is it that you are hoping will help to improve how you feel in the meantime? Are you going onto medication or receiving some other sort of treatment or support? Otherwise it seems a little like saying that you don't want to take a paracetamol yet because your headache is too bad and you want to wait until it calms down a bit.
Please forgive me as I know I am making a massive assumption here, but is it maybe because you are worried about what you may have to face/discuss as and when you do get this sort of help? I don't think for a second that you are refusing treatment in a rebellious or lazy way, but it does sound to me like the thought of 'dealing' with whatever it is that has caused this chronic anxiety in the first place is infact making you more anxious. If this is the case, please be reassured that counsellors are professionally trained to deal with this sort of thing, and that they won't hang your issues out like dirty laundry and force you to face them: they will let you take your time and do everything at your own pace: you certainly won't be forced to do anything you don't want to, and once these things are faced up to in a safe and supportive environment, which is what you will be in, they never feel as big or as scary. I know because I have previously had a similar problem and feelings to what you describe.
I also think it sounds like you are having problems with your self esteem. I say this because when I first started counselling when I first got my GAD and depression I didn't realise low self esteem was the cause until my counsellor pointed it out to me. I found this incredibly useful as it meant I was able to look into how best to address the self esteem issues and this in turn made me feel better as far as the anxiety and depression went. I also say this because you say about worrying that people will think you're a loser: you aren't a loser, I can tell you that for sure, you are brave for facing up to your problems and for taking the first steps to getting better. That takes a lot of guts, so well done you! You also sound like someone who is in or has been in a lot of pain, so be gentle with, and kind to, yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of either; I don't think badly of you at all, I admire you for speaking up and looking to get yourself better.
I really do hope you find the support you need soon, but in the meantime there are lots of people here who will help you.
Take care of yourself and I wish you all the best,
Danny xxx
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"I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else." - Winston Churchill