big blip

[ammiemum]

i have been on a downward spiral lately , but am fighting -just need to get the strength to get out of this b### black hole
i know what i should be doing- [due to cbt last year]. but when a lot of things occur, it knocks me off my feet [and stamps on me really,,]. then i just can't think straight ,so get in a state with panic attacks etc [stupid really, when i say i forget how to breathe sometimes ].
do i need to say i had the crisis team out? etc . i am getting some help and it is slowly starting to help...i just thought if anyone else feels the saame they might not feel so alone? i don't know.
Anyway i am on 40mg cit and seeing cbt again for refresher sessions- this is good, i know.But what on earth am i supposed to put, when my first 'homework 'is a list of my achievements........... ? since breakdown recovery nearly 4 years ago.

run awayyyy..it works for me!

[starlight78]

Hi there, it sounds like you're doing all the right things and you sound very insightful. You know what to do, but struggling at the mo to put it I to practise. The CBT refresher will help with that. Remember you have recovered before and you will again! This is a blip... albeit a big one x

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

so sorry to hear your going through rough time, you will get through this, you have before. I have faith in you, you can do this. I've pmed you.

[ammiemum]

thank you for replies and pm, i needed the hug .... crying again -but because you care..thankyou.




run awayyyy..it works for me!

[CrimsonKiss]

thank you for replies and pm, i needed the hug .... crying again -but because you care..thankyou.




run awayyyy..it works for me!

That's what happens with me: someone shows that they care what is happening with me and I burst into tears, or big, wracking sobs.

[yvonne_uk_98]

thank you for replies and pm, i needed the hug .... crying again -but because you care..thankyou.




run awayyyy..it works for me!

your very welcome, you can pm anytime.

[ammiemum]

++okay as suggested am using htis as a diary , to see any imoprovement. so,just ignore what i write - trying to see pattern or posiitives, cos its for sure i miss any..... no self esteem , confidence. but try. i know things dont appllyto me but others .accompanied into town outsdie to get basics as no shop done did it .aldi. even had a bath first. i drove got lost??? but hey i still drove. cleaned kitchen sink polished it.went nuts eliminating bits ugh. sorry make me feel ill i know it is clean when bleach used my hands are clean if bleach used in kitchen- which never looks clean . made tea. friend here dont really know why she bothers im not a nice person these days sent pink song 'perfect',that made me cry- changed the words to myself why do i do that? fell asleep in chair later now awake bugger. o made ssure pets fed and watered.dishwasher filled must remember to turn it on this time my son has a crap mother he is so good able to be on automum for himhe has asperger dr coming to see him tomorrow so will be angry as missing few hours of college have explained it to him many times. remembered to set alarm that is a good thing now have to be there when it rings. instead of living another minute , now got to push for each day.. thgis si an improvement.next day now not next minute . stupid but have to. this is not really making sense i know what i mean. never mind i would rather not think. make sure all is secure will go to bed soon have to be up to phone college cant remember if i told them son will be in late ? not sure if this is a good idea will try . dont need to i am doing this as a bit of therapy? sorry ignore it .not going to read it just write for now headache, heartache very sad too many thoughts.i want a pensieve like in harry potter film to extract thoughts and store them away when my head feels full ...would be a great to be able to....waffling, i do when wound up, stop.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Ammiemum,

My what a busy day you have. you drove even got lost, you managed it, thats a positive.

your not a bad mum, your a very good mum, because you make sure all the right things are done for your son. Well done

you have a lot going on, try and slow down a bit, try and take a bit of time for yourself.

and that great you have a friend who cares and spends time with you.

thinking of you. hope you have a better day today.

[ammiemum]

today spent too much money,must not do this.raining .got mixed up on whether taken pills or not-took too many got on my own nerves typical huh. fell asleep in chair again now awake, sigh.feel life is running on and im getting left way behind got appointment wrong for sons psychologist today - i was supposed to phone and confirm when it was sent and forgot,was able to do it over the phone.cooked tea edible but c##p.. i tried feel so stupid all the time ,can't get stuff done and spend ages playing mindless games on pc. waiting for bad things.. ? my solution to things is not to be thought about. ideation? 'stop it. sleep probs don't help if i go to bed too early lay there for houdrs.got fish tank wrong.
forgett things. must write them down.tomorrow will do much...i feel all is my fault, did do some clicker training with dog 5-10 min better than none. lazy.
threw up -part of 'panic'

[yvonne_uk_98]

thinking of you