Its been a while

[HB]

When i was 17 (im only 18 now!!!) i felt majorly depressed and even once told my dad that i wanted to kill myself (that was scary) however, it was strange, one day i was just doing my own thing and a weight got lifted off my shoulders and so far so good, ive not been that bad since.

I really hope a weight gets lifted off your shoulders Sam xx

H

[andrew]

hi sam, please dont blame yourself for this - it could have been a million reasons why he was sick and all of them totally beyond your control. and talk to somebody as to why you feel guilty about your first dog. hopefully he will make a swift full recovery. you take care ..... andrew

[Meg]

Sam,

Dogs run off and scavenge - its their job as dogs to do this , you mustn't feel responsible for their every move.

Its clear he got hold of something toxic - a one off- and its made him ill as toxic food make us ill. Imagine how Mums feel when something they provide make their family ill and it happens in most families at least once in a lifetime..

I do hope he's ok and recovers well and swiftly. They're like babies they get ill quickly and get better quickly too.

Take care

Meg

[Caz Fab Pants]

Sam,

Just been reading through the pages of this thread and get the impression that you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and yet you are only 16!!

I dont have the answers to all your problems but I do know that you need to learn to like yourself instead of putting yourself down, blaming yourself for things and disliking yourself so much that you want to physically harm yourself.

To me you sound like an intelligent person who is dealing with a mixture of emotions. This probably isn't helped by the fact that you are at an age where you have alot of hormonal changes going on which effect your mood.

Try looking at things from lots of different angles instead of one negative angle. For example, its not that you were gulliable when you believed the story your friend told you. The truth is he obviously has issues that he needs help with or else he wouldn't feel the need to tell such lies. I'm sure your friend didn't set out to make you feel like your trust had been abused, he probably just said something that got out of hand and he was unable to retract it without looking (and feeling) silly.

Would love to hear how you're doing with the councelling and wondered if your dog recovered ok?

Hugs,
Caroline
x

[Rennie1989]

sorry i havent had the chance to read dis post

welcome back (yes i know a bit l8 now)

how did ur GCSEs go 4 u



Scooter Girl

if i wa hungry would u feed me, if i fell u you help me up, if i was crying would brush away my tears

[Samantha]

Hi everyone thanyou all for your support, sorry im pretty late replying

My dogs hoime now and has recovered it took him a while to regain much of his strength but is back to his old self. When we took him in that day he spent the night under sedation on a drip so that hed be able to keep down the fuids that they were giving him, The vet told us that he wasnt sure what it was but there was a chance it could happen agin. Im so grateful that he is alive and well, i dont know what would've happened if wed've been further away. Im scared to leave him on his own in case anything were to happen while we werent there even the slightest sympton starts all the what if thoughts coming back and starts me panicking thinking its happening again. The night before i was worried something was going to happen but i never dreamed it would. Hes such a big part of the family already that i dont know what id do if he werent here. At the weekend we took him out for a little walk and all the way back he kept rubbing his face against his front paws, i knew something was bothering him but when we checked him over we couldnt find anything so the anxiety kicked in assum,ing the worse. When we got him home he had a nap when i went to check on him there was a corn seed that had come out of his eye. LAter on he went out in the garden and started scavenging ending up in him choking on a small piece of twig! My mum got it out but it was just another thing, people say things happen in threes and hopefully this will be it, hes so small and seems so defenceless that i just want to protect him, but he has to learn and grow, im keeping a close watch over him, im just so grateful hes alive.

When i lost my first dog i felt that it was my fault that somehow i should've known, he was my closest friend i know he couldnt talk but i really felt like we understood each other. He was always there for me and when he needed me most i wasnt there. If i could've i would've swapped places id've done anything for him just as i think he would've me. I feel so guilty because we had him put down, ive always had strong beliefs about animals rites and have always felt it was wrong. He'd been ill for a couple of weeks beforehand and although when he was asleep id check he was still breathing i didnt expect it to be a real possibility. He went in for a check up, the morning he did go in i didnt get a chance to see him, i was in the shower and didnt think they were leaving till later, thinking he was going in for antibiotics i thought id get a chance to see him when he came out, but late that afternoon we got a phone call saying that whilst he was under the anaedthetic they had found a big tumour in his chest that was spreading, because of his age they couldnt operate. They saiid at the moment he didnt feel any pain and the kindest thing to would be to not bring him round. i felt like id failed him i wasnt there to comfort him, i didnt see him in the mroning and i didnt say goodbye. We buried him in our garden my parents didnt want me to see him as he was or being buried but i feel that if i had i couldve said goodbye and got closure. I asked that he could have his favourite ball with him so knowing that he had that i felt a bit better. I put off dealing with these feeling for so long that i feel so guilty, when he died a part of me dies with him. There are times when i still half expect to see him sitting down waiting for me to come and stroke him or say heelo. When we go to walk our second dog i sometimes turn round expecting to see my first there with us. There are times when i just feel so empty of any feelings inside, trtying to block out any emotions that i feel if you stuck a sphere straight through me i wouldnt feel it, and there'd be no blood. A bird died on our grass recently, when we went to bury it maggots and ants had already started to infest it and eat it, and thats made me think of how my dog is, i want to think of him as whole but the image of the bird comes back and now makes me think about what happens when anything is buried. When i think about

[Rennie1989]

sam

im gonna be yr10 on september

make sure u PM me ur results, be nice to now,



Scooter Girl

if i wa hungry would u feed me, if i fell u you help me up, if i was crying would brush away my tears

[andrew]

hi sam, good to read your little dog is recovering well and i hope your doing ok yourself. im sure the first one knew how much you loved him and he walks with you still in your feelings, having a little cry will let go of some of the pain not your happier memories. hope your well, take care .. andrew