Lost The Plot

[CrimsonKiss]

Morning fine people of NoMorePanic

Well, I had a good talking with my NLP counsellor last night, was an interesting chat and was given some more things to think about. Went out for a fresh orange and lemonade with the ex wife for another chat...she does counselling too.

Anyway, I knew that today was going to be bad, I just didn't realise how bad and how quick this would all come on at me this morning.

I had a reasonable sleep for a change, the dreams were ok too but I woke up early...as some of you may have noticed when I was posting early doors.

After about 36 hours of feeling good, then down a bit yesterday afternoon my bad thoughts came back with a vengeance this morning.

I soooo wanted to go to my gym class this morning, but I knew I wasn't strong enough to actually see "my" woman taking the class and this has thrown me in a right tizzy. I ended up screaming at the walls then lashing out and punching them...that hurt! I've tried to do some housework, but that lasted all of five minutes so I've come back to bed, which I know is not a good place to be. I just want to take a sleeping tablet and sleep then do the same again when I wake. I know it's not a good thing to do...but it's tempting.

I just don't see/know how I'm going to get through this day/weekend. I Hate (myself for) being this way

Once again I didn't manage to get into work this last week, so that's four weeks out of six I've been off. Not doing my finances any good.

Gym class is halfway through now. Did I say I tried to go last week? I broke down before the class started, before she got there and had to leave. I ended up standing outside a pub just looking at the posters advertising drink for twenty minutes...I wasn't really there...I was in a trance...floating...

It's a good job I'm on my iPad as its pretty waterproof from the copious tears that are falling...For No Real Reason!!!! I feel such a fraud and ashamed of myself.

I know that thinking about not wanting the good vibes I had over the last day and half was/is a bad thing as you end up just waiting for the bad thoughts to come back at you.

Oh, on a lighter-ish note...I was telling the bad thoughts to foff the other day, which seemed to work, but I felt like I was Smeagol having that chat with himself(s) my Precious.

Hope the rest of you have a good weekend.

Thanks for listening

[BobbyDog]

So sorry you are having such a bad morning, I hope tomorrow brings you some happiness.

[Annie0904]

I have days like this too and if feels like it won't get better. It always happens to me after a counselling session, sometimes it feels to me like it has to get worse before it gets better but I know it will get better, I am just trying to keep that positive attitude and when I have a really bad day I just try to remind myself of the good ones

[CrimsonKiss]

Thanks peeps, I am trying (bad word) to keep a positive outlook on it all