Hello

[blackie]

Hiya everyone.
I am new here. I only found this website today. I have had a promblem with panic attacks for about four years and recently, in the last year, it has got so bad i cant leave my house at all. I am terrifired of being alone. I cant sleep at night because i am so scared. This fear is controlling my life. My parents are going away in four weeks. This means i will bge alone for two weeks. I am so scared of what will happen. But it would be so unfair of me to stop my parents from going. I just really dont know how i am going to cope with it. Anyway i just wanted to introduce myself. I feel so lonly as i dont have lost all my friends because of this.
Take care
Blackie

[alexis]

Hello and welcome to the site, you will get lots of info here and make lots of new friends.
Are you receiving any help at all?
xxxxx

[blackie]

Hiya
Thank you for replying. I have been seeing a doctor since i was 11 for a varity of different things. I have now turned 18 and have been transfered to adult sevices and am seeing a person once a week for about 20 minutes. She vists me at home but has been ill for a while so havnt seen her for awhile. It hasnt really been helping. I just keep tring to get through the next hour without having a panic attack.
Take care
Blackie

[mia0621]

If you lost those people, then they were never really friends. I alienated myself away from some of the people I know, but there are still some I talk to. I just don't talk to them about the panic disorder because they won't understand anyway. It is really hard to describe things in a way that would make one understand if they have not had the experience. It is hard to be alone sometimes. I don't even like being alone when my husband is at work. Sometimes I get into my car and drive around for a while. There are people in the all night stores that I talk with. Then there are days that I do quite well. You will have good days too. Everyone in this forum in pretty much in the same boat. We can talk and give support to each other. Sometimes just venting is good therapy.

Mia

[blackie]

Hiya
I guess you are right. They are not really friends. It is very hard to exsplain to other people who have nopt exsperienced panic attacks how it feels and how it makes you behave. Its good that you can talk to the people in the all night stores. Living in a small village, the only people who are up at night are the owls.lol.
I really do want to get better and get out of the house. I dont know how to do it though. When i have tried to get into the car with either of my parents i just dissolve into a mess. I cant breath, i go all clamy and cant stop crying. I feel like i will collaspse. I just dont know what i am afraid of. I guess i really dont want to cause a scene in public. If that makes sence.
I really dont know what to do about my parents going away. I honestly dont think i can do it. I cant bare to be alone in the house for a few hours, let alone for 2 weeks. I could proberly suviver the days but i can barly handle the nights with my parents in the house. I really dont know what to do.
Im sorry. I am really moaning. Its just been a really bad day. Im sorry. i sound so selfish.
Blackie

[blackie]

I really dont know what to do. I cant stand feeling this way. I spoke to the person i see today and she told me to open up abit more to my mum as i have been tring to hide how bad i have been feeling recently. Now all i have done is hurt my mum. She looks terriable. I cant stand to see her like this. Why the hell am i so weak. I should never have spoken to her about it. It has just made everything worse. I really can not cope at the moment. Why do i have to be like this. Why cant i just go out and do normal things and see friends and be happy. Instead i am acting like a scared little child that doesnt want to be left alone in the house. Mums right when she says becasue of this i am controlling everyone else. I really dont mean to. Please beleave me.
I just really cant cope with this anymore. I dont know how i am going to get through tonight. Im sorry i am just so scared. Please just get me through to tomorrow. I am such a horriable person. I really hate myself. I cant do this. Please can someone help me. Please. I cant do this anymore

[polly daydream]

Hi Blackie and welcome to the forum.

Best wishes,

Polly

[trac67]

Hi Blackie,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Take care

Trac xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[Eclipse]

Hi Blackie,
Welcome to the forum.

You're not selfish, you're not a horrible person and you shouldn't hate yourself.
I personally think your mum was a little insensitive to say you were controlling everyone else with this - although likewise, in her defence, it's how people tend to react when they don't fully understand the problems we have.

Is there no-one who could stay with you or anyone you could go & stay with over the two weeks they're away?

I know none of us can physically be there for you but PLEASE remember there's usually someone on the forum at any given time of the day or night so don't forget to use us!!!!

Whatever you do, don't feel you're on your own.

If you let us know when they're going - maybe we could make a special effort to keep an eye out for you on the forum during that time.

Don't feel bad love!

Take care
Magz
XXXX

[nicjay]

Hi Blackie

Welcome to the forum, you will find lots of useful information here and you will meet lots of nice people. If you feel lonely whilst your parents are away you can always come into the No More Panic Chat Room on an evening where you will find lots of friendly people willing to chat with you.

Nicola
xxx