Can't cope with this breast fear anymore

[debbsi]

Hi, just need to talk, I don't know what to do anymore, my fear of breast cancer is consuming my life. I have had this fear since age 13, I am now 40. I have got through this in the past through avoidance, I can't even touch my own breasts or look at them without a major meltdown. Showering is difficult and my sex life is zero.
I had a fibroadenoma removed earlier this year. That was the last straw. My mum had breast cancer aged 67. I've had 2 courses of cbt. I can't take antidepressants they made me I'll. I feel the only other option is a mastectomy with reconstruction. I don't know what else to do. Or I can avoid them and hope I don't get cancer as I would not detect it if I did.
Has anyone got any advice? I'm going to make an appointment with my gp, but I don't know what he will do.
Thanks, feeling in despair right now :(

[I-want-myself-back]

Try antidepressants again. I felt very sick for a month but now I feel fab. Please, see your doc and if you are prescribed antidepressants do persevere. It will be worth it. I barely recognise the person I had become. I've had the worst six months of my life with health anxiety and depression. I believe it was triggered by two family bereavements. I'm 42 and have not suffered with it ever before. I am now 95% back to normal and I've only been on them eight weeks. I read all the blogs about persevering and getting better but i couldnt imagine it happening to me. then one day it started to get better and it will for you too. Please seek help, get yourself a life! All the very best x

[hyper]

I have a friend who is the same. She has agreed with her GP to visit for breast exam every 3 months so she is not touching them herself. May be you could get your doctor to do the same. That way they get to know your breasts and you are getting reassurance. CBT would probably not approve though x

[debbsi]

Hi thanks for the replies, I phoned the therapist who did my cbt earlier this year, she recommended a referral for mindfulness based cognitive therapy. So I saw a gp yesterday they are referring me, and meanwhile I have started taking propanalol again. We discussed antidepressants, she said the reaction I had with citalopram was severe and suggested a low dose of amytriptaline at night. She said I should think about it and go back if I decided I wanted to try it. As for the breast exams even getting a gp to do it for me would just increase my anxiety inbetween check ups. Guess for now I am going to have to stick with my coping strategy till I feel I can cope.

[I-want-myself-back]

Citalpram was awful for me too. I switched to sertraline which was rough but not as bad. As I said, it's fine now.. Good luck