Hey I am a 21 year old male. I have been going through hell for the last past 5 mounts. It all started when I was at work (I work at a grocery store). I was walking outside to get some shopping carts. As I was get the shopping carts I saw a man that was walking a little funny, and I said to myself that this man is gay. So as I when back into the store I same to one of the cashiers that that man she just checked out was gay. We laughed about for a second. Then after that I went to the back to smoke a cig with another co worker (a gay). As we was smoking our cigs, I was looking at him and talking and then boom though came to me that I was gay. At first I was like hell no I am not gay, but the though was still there and I started to get depressed that I would to kill myself, because I don't wanna be gay. All my life I been into girls. I even have a girlfriend that I've been with for 4 years and its been the best 4 years of my life. Then one day my girlfriend, her roommate, and myself (we are in college) was on our was on our was back to the dorm from the mall. Then all of a sudden my girlfriend and her roommate started to play fight. A thought came to me that they are gay together. That thought opened up a whole totally different type of thoughts. The thoughts of me not loving my girlfriend, me wanting to break up with. I don't know where all of this is coming from. I feel like I am fighting to different battles at the same time. Before these thoughts I was on top of the world. Now it feels like the world is on top of me. So do I have Hocd and Rocd at the same time?????
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