Yes, do I know that feeling. This truly is one of the cruelest mental disorders out there. And they say OCD can't hurt you... pfft. I'm glad we started talking to each other though because it really does help.
I've got friends in Liverpool! Supposed to visit them soon but tickets are so expensive.
I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time next month. This would require flying with him to another state. This totally sparks my anxiety and I keep worrying that I'll be having the ROCD thoughts during that time.
You know what has helped me though (and this is going to sound weird but it happened on accident) is watching sad movies where the girl's boyfriend or husband dies or gets sick. I never wanted to watch these before because I worried they would spike me, but they actually made me think "what if that happened to him?"
And I started remembering all the little things like when he visited me in the hospital and stayed there with me, etc. I realized that this disorder had made me really selfish and I had forgotten about all the reasons why I loved him.
When I realized this, it was like an epiphany and I had to tell him how much I appreciated him.
We will have good days and bad days. I hope you have good days again soon.
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