Excuse the vagueness of this post but I really need some advice and have no idea where left to turn
I've been suffering from health anxiety since june after a relationship ended and my band disbanded, both were two important parts of my life, I got myself into a bit of a depressive state and soon enough I had my first panic attack which I thought was an aneurysm/brain tumour etc, I had a bout of health anxiety for about 2 months which wasn't unbearable but It seriously hindered my life, however I wasn't worrying 24/7, things started to look up when I got myself a job interview and started to have a better social life, but then the health anxiety suddenly became almost debilitating, I couldn't be alone as I feared something might happen and there wouldn't be anyone there to phone an ambulance, etc. I got put on a low dose of clomipramine which had mild side effects, I eventually got the job and the tablets took the edge off the anxiety and I was able to function pretty normally within 2-3 weeks of going on them, however about 6 weeks in the anxiety started to come back, at the time I just thought It was bad side effects from the meds but in hindsight it was just increased anxiety, I then did a pretty stupid thing, Instead of getting my dose increased I came off the meds altogether, and for a week, I felt very normal as I'd just started a new college course I apsoloutely loved, my parents were due to go away for the week which I felt I could manage, but within 2 days of them being gone a strange feeling came over me, the world just stopped looking real, I felt hopeless and lost and couldn't function on my own, I ended up admitting myself to hospital 3 times over the course of the week but they'd keep sending me home, my parents had to come home early which really put a downer on my dad who has serious depression and is on very strong medication, my mam also has cancer and has to look after both me and my dad and I'm not sure she can cope some of the time.
within a few days of my parents getting back this weird feeling reached tipping point and bizzarely went away for about 3 weeks, thinking I was okay I went to the psychiatrist and they said to be on the safe side I'd have to go in for a CBT course as they assumed what I had was anxiety, I went away and things were okay for a while. started to get back into my music, the strange feeling ( what I assume was DR ) went away, I obviously didn't feel 100% but I was getting much better, then about 2 weeks ago things just dipped totally, it came on again as suddenly as last time and it felt much worse, my memory has been apsoloutely fried, I can't engage in the simplest of tasks, I think about my problem 100% of the time and it's really wearing me down, I went back to the psychiatrist and requested medication but they said they didn't think I need it, as what I have doesn't seem to fit in any of the categories, ( anxiety, OCD, Depression ) I don't think i'm going mad, I don't think I'm dying ( although could what I have be symptoms of a brain tumour ) I highly doubt I'll develop psychosis, Thinking logically nothing could possibly happen, just living seems so hard at the moment, I can totally function, go to work, go to college, excersize, I'm doing literally everything the psychiatrist is telling me to do and nothing helps, conciousness is just so painful and nothing makes it any better.
This is a big question to ask, but what should I do? I can easily go back to my GP in the morning who can put me straight back on my old meds, or possibly try some new ones, It'll take months to get another appointment with the psychiatrist to request medication and I can't wait that long, I have intermittent meetings with a psychologist who seems to be more interested in my parents than me, and the CBT doesn't seem to be working as i'm not avoiding anything, have no coping strategies, I just don't know what to do any more, thanks for listening.
Reply With Quote
