Day 4, Im just gonna start a diary

[silent bob]

Day 29: so yeh, mega weird dreams lately... had one last night about me and Beyonce being alien hunters in a red Trans Am... go figure lol was a hilarious dream... but yeh... accidentally got a bit of a hit of pot from the neighbours (they were smokin outside my bedroom window for ages before i noticed) and hopin that doesnt f*** with the escitalopram or the topamax... feelin alright so far just mega tired and kinda spacey and shit... and really hungry... havnt been stoned in over 7 months and im fairly sure i have the munchies... might sleep now... too tired and confused to stay awake too much longer... lol hooters dreams... night all xo

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ps. pigging out on pizza shapes, watching star trek in bed and falling asleep rocks.

[Tunnel]

Bob:

Not preaching, but i'm not so sure mixing recreational drugs with antidepressant medication is a smart move for your future well being. I would not be making a habit of it.

Take Care,

Mike

[silent bob]

Mike, im not intentionally mixing them ive just realised that without being a total nazi the last few weeks ive been 2nd hand exposed a few times... im gonna have to start getting Nazi on rec drugs again to make sure im not getting exposure

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Alrighty so, my partner is a massive fan of experimenting with party drugs and we always have them in the house, half the time he has some half the timr he doesnt, ive realised this morning that his taking party drugs then me being around him while hes taking them (eg smokable ones etc) or transferring bodily fluids afterwards (eg MDMA or LSD in his salivia) is being minimally transferred to me... its never bothered me before i mean thats what he likes to do, take some drigs and party and i dont want to stand in the way... but im beginning to think i should put my foot doen and say while im on the meds that he should stop so i dont get accidentally exposed and have it mess with me... i dont know, i think ove started rambling whats your guys opinions?

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or should i just be more careful myself and make sure to stay away from him when he's on them? like keep my bedroom windoe closed from now on (coz i discovered thats where the neighbours hide in the alleyway behind our apartment to get stoned) and make sure not to touch him while he is on MDMA or LSD or something... should i just take it upon myself to keep my distance?

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like the other day i completely forgot that he had dropped a tab of LSD and had it on his tongue, and i gave him a kiss completely forgetting hed just popped it till after he told me and i had to go rinse my mouth out... i dunno...

[silent bob]

Day 33: So i missed yesterdays dosage, wasn't as bad as i thought it would be... didnt really get any blips or random side effects or anything... just mega sleepy and headachey all day. Got some bad news about lunchish, my 93 yr old nan passed away in her sleep that morning. I felt sad but its not a horrible event, she had said a week earlier that she was happy and prepared to die, the staff had her on morphine for the last week or so so that she felt no pain and she was happy and very well looked after. I feel a little bit terrible that because i live 12hrs away i can't make the funeral...

[karenp]

I am so sorry to hear about your Nan, hope you are ok and glad forgetting to take your Cipralex yesterday didnt have any adverse effects on you really.

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How are you doing all on all on Cipralex now Bob? I thought I was doing ok onl only 5mg's but havent had nay Lorazepam for a day or 2 and feel really edgy.

[silent bob]

hi karen, yeah all is cool nan was a happy lady in both life and death and i just wish that i embrace my mortality with such acceptance someday. The escitalopram seems to be working alright, im not really having blips or anything im just getting super tired every day. its been over a month now or however long ive lost count but im alot more relaxed and less stressed latly.... im able to think things through a bit better, usually after i have a nap though lol! im changing my doctor though, my sleep has gotten to the point where i am only sleeping 5 hrs a night and waking up at least every hour, making me feel like im never sleeping or have a goal im just going about doing shit, switching on n off and zoning in n out... i know this isnt the meds im on its the fact my doc wont do anything about trying to help me fix my sleep apnea.. he just tells me to deal with it but how am i supposed to deal with it when i wake up having stopped breathing... ive started ranting again so i'll go and just say everyone have a wonderful day

[silent bob]

Day 37: soooo shit sleep last night. feeling a little blippy today which hasnt happened for a while. Getting dejavu and thinking i recognize people everywhere but i dont think im fully awake yet, so damn tired im sitting in my coffee shop writing this and i feel like i could rest my head on the table and sleep for hours. last few days hae been alright, hving self image issues and ended up cutting all my hair off last night coz i hated the way i looked.... felt like it was time for a change. still fighting alot with my partner but we are getting better at talking them through and resolving them better and faster, just wish we didnt fight so much.

[karenp]

Sorry you don't sound to be doing all that good right now Bob ): Remind me what dose of ESCITALOPRAM YOU ARE ON. I'm on day 29 of just 5mg's but am struggling right now too but have a rotten cold. Hope things level out for us both soon xxx

[silent bob]

hi karen: im on 10mg atm, but i think most of my problems are coming from lack of sleep coz i havnt been having panic/anxiety attacks just always tired and dreamy.

[karenp]

I must admit my sleep is getting better now, I went to bed aas early as 9pm last night and woke up at midnight to switch off my bed side lamp but fell straight back off again then didn't wake till 5 am and didn't hae one bit o anxiety so I was so pleased as I thought I was finally turnign a corner but then fell asleep again and woke up at 6-30am feeling very nervous so had to take Lorazepam after all. BUT it's only 10am right now and I only feel slightly jitery so I think once I do go up to 10mg's I might just be ok. Do you take anythng to help with your sleep? I've started taking an antithingy pill at the same time as my Cipralex.

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ps.I kow what you mean about
being tired, I really didn't want to get up at all today ):