Blip again... GRRR!

[NoPoet]

Hi all, over the last few months I've been able to fight blips off after a few hours or a day or so, instead of the 1-2 weeks it used to take before I started on a CBT and mirtazapine combo.

This blip is the worst in ages as it has a depressive element. If I just feel anxious, it's easy to fight them off, but I still have an in-built terror of depression. It starts such a negative spiral of thoughts about my health (physical and mental), and it's this spiral which does the damage. EDIT: By "depression" I don't mean sitting in a dark room. It's more of a sense of melancholy that comes and goes, and is fuelled by fear.

Unlike past blips, this one keeps receding and coming back. There are plenty of factors that have led to the blip, it's not like it came out of nowhere, and my therapist agrees that a blip which is caused by life events is very different from a relapse into illness.

It's still frustrating because it reminds me of how I used to feel 11 months ago. As Claire Weekes says, it's the reminder that is the worst part. In fairness, the blip has taught me a massive amount about what's still wrong and where I need to go from here, I just forgot how horrible a blip can be!

[Laura123]

Blips truly suck, they make you question everything again. I agree with your therapist, there are normal blips that as humans we go through and then there are depressive blips one is healthy the other not so much. Xx

[Annie0904]

So long as we can recognise them as blips then we can know we will get out of it. I think most of my blips at the moment are connected to things going wrong so hopefully I can fight them. Sorry to hear that you are in this state at the moment PsychoPoet and hope you can pick up again soon. Sending you

[Laura123]

Perhaps the time if year doesn't help you? Sad could be why you feel depressed?

[NoPoet]

Thanks everyone

I have found a large number of factors in the blip. Most of them are over now, so it is surprising how many blips come after something has happened. In fact, all of the worst blips tend to come at the end of a life event. They never come on during or before - at least, not anywhere near their full strength. They hold that in reserve.

This time of year definitely has something to do with it, given that my illness has been at its worst from November to February/March for the last 4 years running. I've been socialising way more than normal and as an "aspie" I get bad social anxiety, even though there is no reason to be anxious. There are other factors too. I am actually feeling much better this year (despite the blip) than the last 4 years so there's still progress.

When people have blips, maybe it's worth writing down everything that's happening or has recently happened which could contribute. I did this for this most recent blip and there are a ton of factors involved, so there is stuff to work with. It's always reassuring to know that it's a blip caused by outside factors rather than a random relapse. A blip, as horrible as it may be, is usually a treasure-trove of information: triggers, warning signs and symptoms, and your response to a blip is a good indication of how prepared you are to confront the anxiety at its full strength.

Depressive blips do suck the grand potato, though. They're just horrible.

[Laura123]

You really have a fantastic grasp of your own mind, your analysis of your blip I think is very positive and I would actually say I am amazed you are even having blips, you seem so wise on the why's and how's of anxiety. What I have found though, with my own experience is that to over analyse is to keep the blip alive, keeping searching for the reason is the feeder, sometimes you just have to say there is no reason on set pattern, it just happened. I hope you come out of the blip soon, nov to jan is blip central fir me every year so I am interested to see if I can break it this year. X

[NoPoet]

Thanks Laura. In some ways I've recovered but take it from me, if you want to get permanently better, you can't leave any of your problems to fester. Concentrate on eliminating them one at a time but do them all, don't back away or the anxiety has won.

I can handle a mere anxiety blip, it's the depressive ones that batter me. If only there was some magic wand to wish it away, but if anxiety and depression are like a flame, what would we do without them? Anx/dep sufferers who come out the other side have been forged in fire and that's why they're so tough. We can't be like that if we put the fire out.

With anxiety and depression apparently on the increase, it could be said that we are getting our backsides kicked by these conditions. Well I say we don't stand for any of this crap, I say that when anxious illness flings a load of cow muck directly into our faces we simply turn it into a shit sandwich and take a bite. I'm sick of depression kicking my arse, so you know what? I'm gonna kick the b*****d back, just like I did with the anxiety. And when it's done, I'll tell you how.

[Laura123]

I guess I am lucky in some respects when you talk about the depressive side of anxiety, I only suffered depression properly for a few years and came out if it, I have never been back to that place again nor do I want to. I don't know why but even though my anxiety has been really pretty bloody awful, it doesn't depress me, not properly. I was in my early 20's when I was depressed, I think a large portion of blame was dabbling in recreational drugs, those years are tough, you suddenly become consumed with the reality of life and I suppose for me it was too much to cope with and it brought me down. Are you still on meds?

[theharvestmouse]

Sorry to hear about your blip Poet, I've hit a bad one myself. Its nothing to do with the weather with me, any time I think about my life, that is enough to make me feel so low. I'm back in CBT and the though of having to do the things I know I need to do in regards to exposure therapy is making want to give up, I'm having suicidal thoughts again. Been here so many times now is gradually wearing me down.