my agoraphobia story

[katybecca]

Hi guys, here is my story if you wish to read it and offer any advice you can, that would be great

I am 25 years old at present and started having mild anxiety attacks at the age of 19 when I worked in john lewis. So mild in fact I didnt think anything of them, I just thought I was having dizzy spells. I gave up my job and went back to college. I didnt settle there either so I was fliting between jobs. I was in a bad relationship at the time and this man was awful to me. Putting me down, staying out all night with other girls etc etc. I finally found the courage to leave him, but wasnt working at the time, so I was in the house quite a lot. I met someone else who was really kind (or so I thought) I felt really happy at first. I still wasnt working but we were going out and doing normal things. Going to the pub restaurants etc, and if I felt a bit anxious a few drinks noramlly sorted me out. But three years ago I went to the hospital for my annual heart checkup (I have had a hole in my heart since I was 5 years old) and they told me that it had gotton worse and they needed to perform open heart surgery on me to replace one of my valves. Well that was it for me, I sunk into a deep depression and wouldnt leave the house. I would even answer the door or phone I was that panicky.
The day arrived when it was time for my surgery and I was such a mess, my weight had gone down loads and I was just feeling terrible. They prepped my for my op and I was given a pre med all ready to go, then was told that they couldnt fit me in that day and was told to go home and they would rearrange my op. It was awful waiting another 3 weeks to go back in as I had got myself all prepared to do it.
anyway to cut a long story short I had the op and I thought all my anxiety and worry would go after it was done, but I was very wrong. My boyfriend at the time left me 3 months after as he couldnt cope with my depression and anxiety anymore. 3 years on and I am still very much the same although I have a new man who is wonderful, we actually bought a flat together and I was doing really well. Going out quite a bit and having a little part time job in a pub.
Me and my partner are still together put I have moved back to my parents as I feel like I am back to square one again. I am seriously depressed and dont want to go out at all. Its awful and I dont know what to do
I am so so sorry this story is so long but I needed to get it off my chest
It is my friends engagment party on sat and it is sending me into a fit of panic and I just cant face it, but I have to go
pleeeeeeeeeeeeease help

love katy

[tulip123]

I started having anxiety attacks at your age. Over the years there are blips in the recovery process - Operations can be quite traumatic and sometimes the body needs to adjust back to a calmer state.

I had a very bad period when my teeth were operatated on while I was awake. The operation went wrong and it took hours to get things write again. Afterwards I suffered big anxiety. One of the worse but shortish bouts.

Its also good not to bottle things up and to discuss it with others. Also give yourself a break. You have done well to have come this far. Keep going.

Hope this helps

Tulip

[Paddington]

Hello Katy,my how well you have done to cope with all that has been laid at your door.I sooo understand where you are right now ,that was me a few months ago!I have had panic disorder on and off for years,likeyou sometimes not that bad and you can cope with it,but i too had a major op and BAM,i was so bad with anxiety iwas agoraphobic,then i found this forum,It has helped me to get well,it has taken a few months but hey that is nothing out of a lifetime.Be kind to yourself,dont be angry with your illness,do what you knw you can dealwith,for instance the party,ask yourself why you dont want to go,are you scared you willhave a panic attack?Well you most likely will if you pre empt it !I did this for years ,i was scared of the fear!So i narrowed my boundries sooo much i just stayed inthe house!But i still had awful crippling panic attacks,i was kinda waiting for them i think!Read as many posts as you can,look at the first steps post,the successes the remedies,its like a box of chocs,just keep dipping in,keep posting too,you willget so much support and understanding here.Then you will find you begin to feel better,maybe not cured,i dont know as we will ever be panic free,but it is as tho,by excepting this is part of who we are it is ok and it is not scarey any more,hey i go out ,to concerts,supermarkts,car rides...it is fab,there are still things i dont do but hey it is early days ,i do hope this helps you tosee there is a light at the end of the tunnel hun.thinkin of you ,love mary rose,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[nomorepanic]

Hi Katy

Welcome aboard. Sounds like you have been through a lot of the years.

To get back on track you need to make small lifestyle changes and look after your body as well.

Read the First Steps post that is detailed in the Welcome PM you got and is also on the Website and on here.

You could also ask your GP if he can refer you for some form of counselling which should help as well.

Good luck with everything and hope we can be of some help.

Nicola

[polly daydream]

Hi Katy and welcome to the forum, you will meet lot's of great people on here who will help you where they can, me included.

Take care,

Polly

[katybecca]

aaw thankyou so much everyone
you've been a great help already