New escitalopram user

[katy2104]

If you've been suffering so long then you are stronger than you know. Believe me I do not feel strong and hate living like this; it is the cruelest of illnesses. I have those thoughts too but have people who love me and I have to keep going for them. It is so hard I know xx

[karenp]

Jon I am so sorry you have been suffering with this horrible illness for so long. I thought nearly a year was bad enough even though I've had GAD before but have always got better so hold onto that thought if you can. How long have you been on the Cipralex now?

---------- Post added at 14:18 ---------- Previous post was at 14:15 ----------

PS. hope you feel better really soon too Katy. I think those type of thoughts are part of the illness as I know I have def had them when I've felt totally rotten but that's all they are, irrational thoughts that are all part of the illness and I have my gorgeous little boy and know I will come through this again ((((: (as I hope we all do!!)

[jb2112]

Jon I am so sorry you have been suffering with this horrible illness for so long. I thought nearly a year was bad enough even though I've had GAD before but have always got better so hold onto that thought if you can. How long have you been on the Cipralex now?

---------- Post added at 14:18 ---------- Previous post was at 14:15 ----------

PS. hope you feel better really soon too Katy. I think those type of thoughts are part of the illness as I know I have def had them when I've felt totally rotten but that's all they are, irrational thoughts that are all part of the illness and I have my gorgeous little boy and know I will come through this again ((((: (as I hope we all do!!)

I startedtaking them on 14.11.12.
JBx

[katy2104]

Thanks Karen - I think you sound a really lovely lady the way you encourage other people when you're feeling vulnerable yourself. It's a horrible illness that robs you of all your confidence and happiness and when the meds make you feel so much worse before you get better it seems like a double whammy. I understand from your story you have a son called William.... I have a William too, he is nearly 13 and it's because of them (I have a daughter too 15) we keep going in the hope that we will return to our normal selves soon and we can live life without constantly worrying about how we feel and if we are going to get better. Bless you xx

Jon - You have been on cipralex about the same time as me and believe me I feel rubbish. WE CAN DO THIS, we have to remember though that everyone reacts differently to meds - some people get well quicker than others and it can take much longer (weeks) for others. You will recover xx

[karenp]

I started them around that time too Jon and thought I WAS getting better but I've just had two really anxious days even though I have settled down again now...I need to get up to 10mg's now though. It's horrible feeling so poorly isn't it and only people who have been there can possibly begin to understand just how terrible depression and anxiety is but I have beat this 3 times before and I am gonna beat it again (: Jon I can imagine how fed up you must feel, I don't know how you've coped for so long but you are strong, Katy is right, so hang in on there as it's normally taken me a good 3 or 4 months to feel totally better in the past so it's still early days for us both (:

[jb2112]

thanks for your posts - this is v lonely and when you feel so awful its really difficult to think about keeping going/getting through this.
Jx

[Tufty]

Evening guys,
I've been on Escitalopram since 17/12/12 so three weeks today and have slowly increased to 10mg. I was splitting the dose between the morning and evening but decided this wasn't going to be very practical in the long term, I'm rubbish at remembering tablets when I'm well so have moved over to taking it all at about 5pm with a view to making it later. About 2 hours after taking them I get palpitations, tight chest feeling and more anxious, I feel like a coiled spring but after sticking with the same dose for a week those symptoms seem to settle down. So hopefully after a week on this lower dose Katy you should start to feel better.
Like Karen I've beaten this before and know I can do it again and for me the Escitalopram is easier than the other SSRI's I've tried but as you say we are all different.
You are not alone though Jon, it is an irrational and very difficult illness but it cannot last forever and you will get better
Sam

[karenp]

Sam you have done so well and already sound so positive too when you first started the cipralex :-)
Thinking of you Jon x

[Tunnel]

Jon,

I am going to be honest its very difficult for me to hear you implying suicide. As i have stated before i have lived through my close cousins successful suicide. I have also lived through my sisters attempted suicide and it is so difficult for a family member who loves you to endure. The fact you are here trying to get help as well as being on an antidepressant imply to me you want to get better. This to me is very positive. You are very strong to be here speaking about it. Please understand this is not a criticism, but you have to know the people you leave behind will never be the same. People do love you, and hopefully they support you in your journey to feel better. My life has been forever changed since my cousins death, it devastated my family and ripped the hearts out of his parents and sister. My sisters attempted suicide was in direct relation with my cousins death, she was heartbroken. He was her best friend. My sister was on antidepressants for 12 years before she felt well enough to ween off them. Please stick with the meds, get some help and keep working at it. I know its hard and tiring to keep fighting but remember, the world is a better place with you in it.

Take Care.

Mike

[jb2112]

Hi Mike
thank you for your post. I dont mean to upset anyone so I apologize. My problem is though that I've had depression/anxiety for a long time - over 18 years in all, and in that time I have felt ill just about every day. The only reason I have carried on fighting is because of my wife and kids (I checked my life insurance policy and it wont pay out in case of suicide), otherwise I really wouldn't be typing this.
I don't know what has gone wrong with me/my brain/mind but whatever it is it has been something that many consultants/professionals have been unable to help me with. I have been an in-patient in the priory and various hospitals many times and each time I have come out the same as I went in (especialy the Priory where I was there for 3 weeks and it cost me £30,000 for nothing). I have struggled through every day with a concoction of lorazepam, anti-depressants/anti-psychotics and various other drugs like gabapentin/diazepam and lithium (which was especially awful). There have been times when I honestly stood on a train platform and wanted so much to just have the guts to slowly let myself fall in front of the train or jump into the river where I live as I felt it would be so much better for everyone. I had to undergo an emergency heart operation in 2011 -and in a way wanted the surgeons not to be as brilliant as they were. Through all of this I have held down a job as my employers have done everything to help and support me. There have been days where I felt like my body was going to explode because I was so on-edge, I sat in meetings and tried to focus on what was going on, who was talking and trying to add something to the conversation without anyone finding out I am a 'nutcase'. I think my wife has really been the reason I am still here- she never knew what would befall her all those years ago when we got married, or the awful times she would have to pull me back from trying to slit my wrists or jump out of the first floor window (it wouldn't have killed me just probably paralyzed me) so it would have been so unfair/wrong for me to kill myself after all she had done for me. One of my closest friends in the Priory took her own life in 2010 and it brought me back to how to do 'it'/what should I use/where should I go etc. There isn't a day goes past without thinking of ending it, and I know that goes for others on here also.

So thank you for your kind post Mike, I honestly don't know how I've kept going, what stops me from killing myself or why I'm here. I do still hope that one day I'll wake up and start to feel as though the world is a good place and that I want to be part of it.

I suppose over everything I've been through, the terrible things I've seen, the illness, tears and heartbreak, suicidal thoughts are always with me, but I know in my soul that I'm not a quitter.

best wishes
JB