My Escitalopram diary

[Thumbelina]

Hi karenp,
Great progress!
I will see how it goes today, and will write on my tread later today. A bit of a stomach ache - though i ate cereal and yougurt, and slightly tight chest...
I think i was waking up with longer gaps last night., so i guess its good.
Have a good one today...

[karenp]

That's really great to hear Thumbalina, I'm still feeling really shaky so far today but don't know if it's chills from my cold not even anxiety but I've got some pretty irrational thoughts going through my head like maybe I am also hyper sensitive to Cipralex which is silly as I've been fine on it for 3 whole weeks and it probs just this virus hyping me up, plus I have a noisy little chap off school again today as he's still got pain in his teeth so he's off back tomorrow when his meds had one more day to take effect and he's caught up on sleep now. I do wish his voice would break, ha hahahaha, he's squeaking away here rolling about with lots of Build a Bear toys, 9 going on 3! lol!

---------- Post added at 10:05 ---------- Previous post was at 09:56 ----------

I used to get chest tightening all the time before I went on Cipralex but I don't get that now, I get the shakes, odd isn't it how your smptoms change and I dunno about you but when I get new ones I get really scared even though I've been through them all before but you forget once you're well again what it was like to have these werdy sensations. Brain zaps are funny old things but I only get them when I first wake up for a few minutes and can't say I am looking forward to when I get proper hot flushes at THAT time of life. lol!!!!!
Now I'm all done and dusted and trying to ignore my much better today nutty 9 year old jumping about and have even wrote a couple of Christmas cards to occupy my mind, I am finally not shaking so much, this is just how I started getting well on Citalopram though, always more or less fine by 10am onwards so fingers crossed Cipralex is going to get me right too and I'm not coming off it in a hurry, lol!

[karenp]

Did a bit of shopping this morning and had lunch out and only felt a weenie bit of anxiety, my cold is bothering me more and I'm sure is behind why I feel slightly more anxious this week than the last 20 odd days or hoping so any how (: Not a bad day all in all despite the very wibbly wobbly start, William is out at my Sisters for tea tonight so I am going to enjoy a night in watching tv on my own....but still worrying about increasing my meds up to 10mg's, may wait and see how I feel by the start of next week when I've given 5mg's more chance to see if it benefits me at all. Desp want to get off benzo's and sleeping pills more than anything. Thankfully the low mood I had when I first began Cipralex has totally gone now but could possibly return when I up the dose?????? Even though it is always the thought of heightened anxiety and worse panic attacks that scares me most about increases. I don't seem to have any day time tiredness either now thinking of side effects.

---------- Post added at 15:15 ---------- Previous post was at 15:11 ----------

Thumbalina, I only woke up once last night but I don't know if that is because I hadn't had any sleep at all the night my little boy had tooth ache, although I slept most of yesterday afternoon and didn't expect to sleep at all again. Hope your sleep continues to improve too (:

[karenp]

Today is the worst I have felt so far, I fell asleep on the couch last night so didnt take my Escitalopram until gone midnight so now feel very much out of it still at 10-30am and very anxious, though I've just woke up after falling asleep again. I only woke up once during the night so my sleep is getting better but I seem to have suddnely been hit with lots of much worse side effects like bad brain zaps, flushes and lots of trembling which is scarey but I stayed calm by telling myself it was normal, just side effects telling my body the Cipralex is going in there properly now and it will level out soon but I am def not ready for an increase to 1mmg now at this point. I don't know if the rotten cold I have has anything to do with why I am feeling so bad too even though it is finally not as bad as it was today.
I keep thinking about what you said Mike, about how between day 10-20 you felt at your worst side effects wise and I was on only half a pill for the first few days which means this could be the week things are peaking for me before they calm down, only a week later in my case as I didn't start 5mg's of Cipralex for a whole week. I really hope so as I don't want to give up on this drug but I am going to need my doctor to help me with more than one benzo to come through it as I serioulsy am super sensitve to ad's but benzo's need to be elephant strength to calm me odd bod that I am, ha ha ha. Gosh I hate feeling nervous, especially when things had calmed down somuch anxiety wise the last couple of weeks and it's felt good to be relatively normal most of the day again. Perhaps it is the increase I am crying out for, the virus I have or just the fully blown 5mg's of Cipralex I now have in my system needing to settle down because it's currently peaking. Should be fine later today I am SURE (:
So how is every one else, sneeze!!!! lol.

---------- Post added at 10:52 ---------- Previous post was at 10:40 ----------

Might start taking my Cit about 8pm and then hopefully if I can manage to sleep through most of the side effects that will die down surely soon any how, I shoud be ok again during the day time and especially after I've seen the last of this cold and having to take meds for that full of caffeine no doubt which I normally avoid like the plague. If things don't settle down then it's def up to 10mg's then for me ):

[karenp]

DAY 30

Or is it 29? ha ha. Any how, I took my Cipralex pill at 8-30pm last night along with a strong antihistamine pill to help relax me and make me sleep. I've got William in my room at the mo who was still compalining about a bit of toothache but he was fine once he had some of his medicine and we both quickly drifted off to sleep leaving the bed side lamp on. I remember noticing it was midnight and switched the lamp off but must have gone right back to sleep until 5am when I woke up after dreaming something or other but have no idea what but for once I had no anxiety at all and my mood no longer feels like someone has just died very close to me like grief. In fact I enjoyed laying thre for the first time in yonks but must have fallen asleep again as it was 6-30 next time I checked the clock and suddenly felt very nervous, had a couple of those frazzly brain zaps and a weenie hot flush, decided to take a Lorazepam pill and all in all have had a very good morning. You can always tell when I have as I joined my Sister in her little one's year one class to help do his morning activity where as when I am ill, I am dropping Wills off at the gate and rushing back home so withmy cold getting better too, things are beginning to settle again though I still always have thoughts inmy head like,"when will the anxiety come back on again?" which I should learn not to do and just forget about it and I am sure I will the more and more I become anxiety free.
Tomorrow I hope to visit the lady doctor who prescribes me Zopiclone and explain to her that I really need more than one Lorazepam if I am to go up to 10mg's of Cipralex and just explain to her how I've had a bit of a rough week side effects wise so do need the support just to help me through then hopefully I can be just on Cipralex and get monthly prescriptions without even having to live at my doctos, ha ha! But hardly any side effects today and my fluey type virus is getting better too, it's more annoying than making me feel poorly now.
What's everyone else feeling like????? (:

---------- Post added at 12:15 ---------- Previous post was at 10:20 ----------

It's 12pm now and I am just feeling a bit drowsy and groggy from the remainder of this cold but more or less ok, just not totally me yet if that makes sense. I am so lookng forward to having that person back soon, ha ha ha.
Spent the morning cleaning and wrapping up Christmas pressies but I feel like I could drop off to sleep again which I don't like doing during the day time. My Parents are meant to popping some time this afternoon so they should help keep me awake. It's one of those days where it's never daylight and I don't think that ever helps does it (:

[karenp]

DAY 31

Woke at 3am from 9pm last night so not bad but have terrible anticipation anxiety at the thought of going to my doctor and asking for Zopiclone nd Lorazepam which I still very much need at this point unfortunately so it looks like ain increase to 10mg's of Cipralex is def on the cards for me but I tend to work myself up on doctors day visits scared they will refuse me the sedatives to help me reach the point where I can just come off them. I'm sure I will calm down once I have my appointment booked, hate having to just ring on the day and I have seen my gp.
Willim will be home again today as his teeth are playing up, I do hope he can get them sorted before Christmas but I am nervous nervous nervous right now!

---------- Post added at 10:56 ---------- Previous post was at 07:57 ----------

See I am totally fine now! Maybe all that this morning was just normal nerves???? But now that I have bene on Cimpralex a whole month and still have anxiety when I wake up, I think I do need the extra 5mg's increase but will go up in half a tablet for a week and then the rest the week after unless I get no side effects then I will just go for it. My GP says Cipralex normally takes about 4 weeks to kick in but can also act much faster so once I am on the theraputic dose, that's when I should hopefully really benefit from it and finally put this latest episode of anxiety to bed. But then she did have to spoill it saying I am going through an ongoing divorce though....????
Any how busy super market here I come which no longer bothers me thankfully so I am very pleased with my Cipralex experience so far and totally reccommend it to those of you out there not sure what to do (:

[Cocomademoiselle]

Well done Karen P.

Im off to the supermarket too this afternoon !

[karenp]

How are you feeling after going back on your meds darl? I don't feel at ll anxious right now but my mind does, if that makes any sense, I am still checking for anxiety symptoms instead of just forgetting about it but hopefully the less anxious I become the more relaxed my mind will become too. Hope you are good, enjoy it at the shops xxx

[Tunnel]

How are you feeling after going back on your meds darl? I don't feel at ll anxious right now but my mind does, if that makes any sense, I am still checking for anxiety symptoms instead of just forgetting about it but hopefully the less anxious I become the more relaxed my mind will become too. Hope you are good, enjoy it at the shops xxx

Karen: I think you are right, i think you might be focusing too much on every little symptom you are feeling. Some of it is mind over matter too, I've been there and done that. I don't know your working situation, i don't think you have ever mentioned it. If you currently are not working, maybe look for something you enjoy at home that focuses your brain on something else. Some kind of project or something. I did this and it helped me. While it doesn't sound fun, i focused my mind on painting rooms in my house. Yes, its work and its physical but i actually don't mind doing it once i am into it, and i love the end results! I have noticed a lot of people in this forum are off work battling their unfortunate anxiety and depression issues and i completely sympathize with them. My sister has been off work for 10 years with depression. But, in some ways i think not working can be a double edged sword. I say this because i know when i am off work for two or three weeks on holidays, in the past it has always been harder to focus on other things besides my anxiety. Mostly health anxiety! Its like my brain struggles when its not focused on something work related or a project of some kind. I am hoping this med stops this for me and i have a good feeling it will.

Take Care,

Mike

[karenp]

I've not worked for almost ten years now as I gave up to look after William but intend to look for a job as soon as I start to feel better now I am back in my home town with support from my family. I never had that when I lived on the east coast of England as my Husband wasn't supportive never mind his family.
Any how todays been quite stressful and I've come through it ok, I don't know how many bottles of kids pain meds I have bought this week but William's tooth started hurting alot as soon as we arrived at the super market and the little monkey was nattering me for dvd's. I ended up grabbing some liquid paracetamol off the shelves to give him and he was crying down the frozen aisles but my baby sitters were shopping too and every one else in town I think it was so busy. A while ago I would have felt my chest tightening and actually had a panic attack in the same store a few weeks ago but though I did feel some anxiety, it was as if I could feel the Cipralex holding it back so it vanished quickly.
I just realized how close it is to Christmas and started panicing too, ha ha! I only need a couple of pressies now but I'm suddenly fraid of upping my dose to 10mg's incase I am badly effected by side effects and Christmas is horrible but you just have to think positive and I don't know how long I can put it off as my doctors are starting to question how long I should be taking Zopiclone and Lorazepam now. Maybe if I just go for it now, I will be fine just in time for Christmas or do I just give 5mg's a few days longer and see how these early mornings are as right now wihtout the help of the sedatives I am sure I could still have a panic attack. But certainly Cipralex is helping me most of the rest of the day now at 5mg's but would the actual 10mg make me completely me again????