Anxiety Rearing It's Ugly Head On My Trip Out Today

[AuntieMoosie]

Well I had to attend an important Hospital appointment today.

I'm not at all good with hospitals anyway, they always make my anxiety high just for the fact that I'm there

I'm doing the CBT4PANIC and I'm making slow progress, which I'm really happy about

But today, I seemed to just keep forgetting what I've learned and I could feel my anxiety rising, but instead of me using what I've learned, I kept catching myself saying in my head "oh no! go away!" instead of accepting it and going with it

My visit was a long one and I was moving from one department to another and I didn't like it. Thankfully I didn't go into full blown panic but I felt as if I was having a constant battle with myself. I really found it difficult, I usually do a lot of "grounding" with myself, I like to look around, see what other people are doing and take in the sights, but when you're in a hospital that's one difficult thing to do, cos everywhere I looked wasn't what I think is pleasant. I saw people who were stressed out, probably feeling like I was and apart from that, it was just the usual hospital scenery

This is something I'm going to have to work really hard on now because I've got to undergo various tests and more appointments so I'm going to be there quite a bit over the next few months.

Has anyone else had this problem when in a hospital setting?? How were you able to manage?? I would love to hear how others have got on

[robinhall]

Hi Auntie Moosie

Keep in mind how well you did even making the appointment and how much courage that takes

One off events like this are always more difficult so don't be hard on yourself

As you have hopefully discovered with CBT4PANIC the best way to learn the techniques is through very graduated exposure - but sometimes life throws up something like this and we have to go past our comfort level too soon. So it is understandable that you will feel some anxiety. I would imagine that if you think back to previous visits you probably are much more able to cope than ever before. We can feel worse if we have been doing well then we hit a difficult moment and think we have 'failed' in some way or are going backwards. You aren't. Keep at it, you are doing well.

What I suggest you do now is have a think about doing a gradual exposure for hospital appointments. I know some people who actually ask their doctor if they can make very short appointments even twice a week so that they can practice gradual exposure to just being at the doctors. Go through workbook 3 again and work out a fear hierarchy for this and see if you can work through it. Even if it just means going to the hospital as often as you can to get used to the building, the smells, the people, the noise, and so on. Then when you have an actual appointment at least you will be much more used to being in that environment.

Keep at it you ARE doing well :-)

Robin

[panickyme]

I'm sorry you are not feeling well, and I wish you well with all your upcoming visits, You did a great job today, think of that. How courageous of you to face your fear. I have white coat syndrome also. I do not like going near any kind of Doctor, or hospital. You did a wonderful job.

[AuntieMoosie]

Panickyme thank you so much for your very kind post and your encouragement, it means a lot to me

Robin, hi there

I think you hit the hammer on the nail with the fact that I probably wasn't ready to tackle that right now, but, as you say, sometimes we just have no choice and we somehow have to get through it as best we can.

I try so hard to not look at it as a failure, I try as much as I can to draw something positive from the situation, otherwise it become the "big bad wolf" again and I don't want that.

I think I've just got to work harder on what I'm thinking. I found doing that yesterday tricky because there were so many distractions, then obviously I was being questioned by doctors so I had to concentrate on that. My scary thoughts just kept popping in every now and then, but where I went wrong was by letting the thoughts scare me, which I was getting pretty good at not doing before.

So after a nights sleep and a chilled out day today, I've gone over my trip yesterday to understand what and why things happened.

My positive that I've got is that not at any stage did I reach full panic which tells me that, however hard it was, I must have been doing something right. If this had been just 6 months ago, I would have told everyone that I was going home and that I couldn't cope with it, but I didn't do that yesterday, I stayed for the whole visit and tests. It's funny really cos today I keep asking myself if I even actually did it!!! which, of course, I did

Your suggestion of some gradual exposure at the hospital is brilliant, I never thought to do that, but I will do now. They have some little shops and a cafe there, so I'm going to get one of my two "safe people" to take me up there, we can have a little walk round and I can then hopefully work on "me" and what's happening in my head cos I wont have all the distractions that I had yesterday.

I must say though, that my consultant, who was aware of my anxiety and agoraphobia, could not have been any nicer, she went out of her way to try to make the whole thing easier on me and she has even arranged for the tests that I've got to have to take place in the afternoon which is much better for me

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me Robin, I very much appreciate it and what you've said has really helped me