Finally being honest about emetophobia

[lass-in-a-mess]

I saw someone a little way back in the posts wrote about all the crazy things they do to avoid the v word and how it has affected their life. I have emet and agoraphobia and I am struggling badly at the moment. I was doing ok for a few years- although my version of ok- still not leaving my home city and not doing much at all really. But at the moment I'm pretty much housebound, my other safe place is my parents house. It has got me thinking about the life limiting and avoidance behaviors that I do. Here's some of them!

- Scared to leave the house in case I'm sick
- Scared of going shopping, out with friends, out for a meal, parties
- Not been on holiday in 8 years
- Not been more than 30 miles from my house in 8 years
- Can't work, on sick benefits
- Can't have a relationship
- Terrified of being sick and yet feel sick pretty much all day every day
- Scared of eating too much/certain foods
- Scared of my housemate being in the bathroom in case I need to use it
- Obsessively carry mints, water, gaviscon
- No public transport and too scared to have driving lessons
- Scared of being on my own and spend several nights a week at my parents house, even though I'M 25!
- Can't visit my sisters who are away at Uni
- Sometimes can't even have people over to my house in case I feel sick in front of them
- Ditto my therapist who does home visits. Sometimes I'm even scared of our phone sessions
- Have to go to the doctors all the freaking time to manage my millions of medications (that I'm all scared of in case they make me feel sick)

Sad state of affairs really! Hard to admit the extent to which anxiety has taken over my life. It's been a lot better than it is now, so hopefully I'll get to the point where I can at least go out. Week 4 of mirtazapine 15mg, fingers crossed that and the therapy will help, although we are working on my more generalised anxiety before tackling the phobia as I had a massive meltdown halfway through our exposure sessions when she showed me a video. Still the idea of being sick seems like the most horrific thing in the world. I swear I could be face to face with a murderer and be calmer than when I'm having a panic attack and feeling sick.

My family know and some of my friends know I have anxiety but I do a very good job of faking sanity!

Anyway, if there's anyone else out there feeling as bonkers as me- you're not alone x

[Angelai]

Hunny, I could have written that myself

Are you scared of other people being s**k too? That terrifies me just as much, I even go into massive panic if I TALK to someone on the PHONE that has a bad tummy. I know in my rational (!) mind that you can't catch bugs down the phone line, but still...

Emetophobia has controlled my life. That's the sum of it. I'm 39, and can't remember a time when I wasn't afraid. I have been on/off antidepressants for 16 years (currently on sertraline), did 13 weeks of analytical hypnosis (£55 a session and didn't help at all ) and started CBT a few years ago - that was actually for travel anxiety, which I believe is directly related to the emet because I'm scared that I or someone else will be ill. The therapist realised very early on that trying to tackle this one problem wasn't the answer, her team agreed that what I needed was psychotherapy but they couldn't offer me that on the nhs.

I actually had an assessment with our local service yesterday, with a lovely lady. I won't go in to detail, basically she could see a theme running through all of my 'issues' and also feels that working with the phobia isn't the answer - I have finally realised (as did she) that the emet is a SYMPTOM and not the cause of all the other problems (which are also symptoms). She is going to report to her team and let me know if and how they can help me.

It is such a complicated phobia, and so many of the other anxieties that go with it are actually caused by it. But I still believe that there is some underlying cause, right at the root of it all.

Don't know if any of that makes sense lol! Good luck with the meds, and thanks for sharing. You are also not alone

[Tessar]

lass-in-a-mess - thank you for your brave post. I’m really glad you shared. Highlighted in colour below are my comments relating to your avoidance behaviours....

- Not been on holiday in 8 years I USED TO BE SCARED OF FLYING BUT BRAVED THE PHOBIA EVENTUALLY THO I'M THINKING ABOUT IT & ON HIGH ALERT ANY TIME I'M ON A PLANE (dont like buses or trains either).

- Can't have a relationship I RELATE TO THIS: My partner was affected by an ear disorder this week; made her really sick; i had to collect her from work & go to the hospital with her. this was very scary but i had to do it for her. I felt shame as my first reaction to hearing I had to do this was "if I lived alone I wouldnt have to do this scary thing"

- Terrified of being sick - YES
- Scared of eating too much/certain foods - I GAVE UP MEAT BECAUSE OF THIS & AM PRETTY PICKY ABOUT WHAT I EAT & THINK ABOUT WHERE IS'S BEEN, HOW IT'S BEEN HANDLED ETC.

- Scared of my housemate being in the bathroom in case I need to use it NOT SO MUCH THAT AS LISTENING OUT WHEN OTHER PEOPLE (AT HOME OR AT WORK) AT IN THE LOO - E.G. HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN IN THERE, IT MUST MEAN THEY ARE ILL

IT TOOK ME 18 MONTHS TO MENTION THIS PHOBIA TO MY THERAPIST as I thought it would contaminate my sessions.

- Have to go to the doctors all the freaking time to manage my millions of medications (that I'm all scared of in case they make me feel sick) I WOULDNT GO ON FLUOXETINE FOR OVER A YEAR IN CASE IT MADE ME SICK

I dont think it's a "Sad state of affairs", more so things have reached a point where the phobia is interfering with our life alot & clearly stopping you from doing things that would be rewarding & enjoyable. You are so right that it is Hard to admit the extent to which anxiety takes over your life.
There's no way I could watch a video - if I watch TV & someone's ill, then I have to look away & get my fingers in my ears. I agree too that the idea of being sick seems like the most horrific thing in the world.

I dont think you (or I) or anyone else with this phobia is bonkers. The only people who might say that are ones who dont understand how it works.

Because of my partner being really ill this week. I had no option but to look after her. I ended up with my fingers in my ears & looking away when “it” happened. I had to pick her up from work which entailed a 30 min car drive which I found so stressful. I knew that if it happened in the car, tho she was prepared, I'd be there right next to her. Thing is, we have been in a relationship 17 yrs so I couldnt let her down. We ended up at the hospital which was also pretty darn scary.

Since then I forced myself to look at where my phobia originated. I had 2 brothers who were always, always getting drunk. I discussed it with my counsellor. She asked me if I used to hear them ill in the bathroom but i dont remember that. i think it's more like my brothers were unpredictable & bullied me terribly. it was bad enough when they were sober but when drunk i really found it scary. quite frightening. The thing is, when I'm around drunk people (who of course have a tendency to do "you know what") then I am so wary I just want to escape. Finally I'm seeing that it's not just the act of "it" that is gross/scary etc but also I'm feeling trapped & intimidated.

It's just so horrible this whole thing. As you all know, how the hell are you supposed to avoid it?????

I'm like you too - Angelai. about "TALK to someone on the PHONE that has a bad tummy. I know in my rational (!) mind that you can't catch bugs down the phone line, but still..."

OH WOW: This is spooky Angelai. This keeps happening to me on here reading other people's posts. I didnt see your comment "she could see a theme running through all of my 'issues' and also feels that working with the phobia isn't the answer - I have finally realised (as did she) that the emet is a SYMPTOM and not the cause of all the other problems (which are also symptoms).". THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE WORKED OUT THIS WEEK IN MY CASE. It's amazing to read your post because suddenly I realise that I'm not mad or weak or any of the things I constantly label myself about this phobia.

Also, you are right that It is such a complicated phobia. I'm lucky that my partner understands. She's really good about it. She knew this week it would be triggering for me. We coped together.

I dont know about anyone else but I get paranoid even about reading posts about this phobia. I feel so often that thinking about it, let alone writing or talking about it, is going to make "it" happen.

Thanks people.... although rather scary, it does seem to be helping me (and hopefully others by writing this stuff).

[Rls1994]

I saw someone a little way back in the posts wrote about all the crazy things they do to avoid the v word and how it has affected their life. I have emet and agoraphobia and I am struggling badly at the moment. I was doing ok for a few years- although my version of ok- still not leaving my home city and not doing much at all really. But at the moment I'm pretty much housebound, my other safe place is my parents house. It has got me thinking about the life limiting and avoidance behaviors that I do. Here's some of them!

- Scared to leave the house in case I'm sick
- Scared of going shopping, out with friends, out for a meal, parties
- Not been on holiday in 8 years
- Not been more than 30 miles from my house in 8 years
- Can't work, on sick benefits
- Can't have a relationship
- Terrified of being sick and yet feel sick pretty much all day every day
- Scared of eating too much/certain foods
- Scared of my housemate being in the bathroom in case I need to use it
- Obsessively carry mints, water, gaviscon
- No public transport and too scared to have driving lessons
- Scared of being on my own and spend several nights a week at my parents house, even though I'M 25!
- Can't visit my sisters who are away at Uni
- Sometimes can't even have people over to my house in case I feel sick in front of them
- Ditto my therapist who does home visits. Sometimes I'm even scared of our phone sessions
- Have to go to the doctors all the freaking time to manage my millions of medications (that I'm all scared of in case they make me feel sick)

The ones I highlighted are the exact same things I have. (Except the part you said you're 25, because I'm 18 )

I really feel for you, I really do. Especially when you feel nauseous every day like I do, it's awful. This stupid phobia has stopped me from doing many things, like you said, going to parties and having relationships.

Well done for being brave and posting this though lass! You're totally not crazy or anything like that. I got called loads of things when I opened up about my phobia. But if we keep quiet about it, then we won't get any help will we? So, it's great that you're opening up. Just remember that all of us are here for you, and will try our best to help you get through this.

[samprice333]

I too am an emetophobe. Reading the above is like reading something I have written. I am 34, and have been this way for at least 18 years. Because of this awful phobia my ten year old daughter doesnt live with me, which in turn makes me depressed. I have issues with self loathing, self hatred, depression, panic attacks and now have problems with my stomach due to stress. Ive tried every possible remedy, with no success. I know this phobia stems from a need to control, and a fear of losing control, but thats as far as i can self diagnose. I havent yet met a therapist/ doctor who can help. Does anybody have a success story? Im looking for hope, does anybody have any advice? xx

[lass-in-a-mess]

Thanks for the replies. I've never met anyone else with this phobia so it helps to know I'm not alone.
I think that for me the phobia developed alongside anxiety problems, and now they are both interlinked. I have generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder with agoraphobia, so I end up feeling anxious the whole time. The anxiety makes me feel sick and then I get scared of being sick, making me more anxious...just a big viscous circle really. The combination of all my issues has brought my life to a complete standstill and I often think that there's no point in going on. I was supposed to be going out to my cousins birthday meal tonight (only 5 minutes away by bike) but I'm too scared. Plus my mum is giving me shit about it saying I should try and go for my cousins sake and that I'm not trying hard enough to beat the anxiety. But it genuinely feels impossible at the moment- as soon as I try and leave the house (or even think about it) every bone in my body screams at me to stop. Unfortunately even when I'm doing nothing the anxiety creeps up on me and makes me burst into tears, and afterwards I feel so depressed about how things are.
I would never do anything to hurt myself because I love my family and it would be horrific for them, plus I'd never be brave enough to actually do it! But at the moment it's hard to see that I'll ever find a way out :(

[Annie0904]

Bernie just posted about a programme on tonight which includes this phobia

[lass-in-a-mess]

ahh yeah I saw that ta, unfortunately I don't have sky :(

[Annie0904]

I don't either :(

[Tessar]

I know this phobia stems from a need to control, and a fear of losing control, but thats as far as i can self diagnose. I havent yet met a therapist/ doctor who can help. Does anybody have a success story? Im looking for hope, does anybody have any advice? xx

Bit of a ramble here......but I'm hoping this will help...............
I discussed this phobia with my therapist while doing CBT. I didnt want to talk about it with her as I felt it would "contaminate my sessions" so it took me 18 months to actually admit it. In the end I just had to as I was planning my first holiday abroad & was scared of my fear being triggered while flying. I knew I needed help to combat it. My therapist took me through a number of things: First she asked me how many people I knew who had been on a plane, roughly how many flights did that entail. Then she asked how many of those flights were bad ones where people got ill. I had no bad reports. She stuck to facts where flying is concerned. We talked about the law of averages, how many good flights there are to bad ones. Risks in safety etc etc. In the end, it became clear to me that I either refused to fly & missed out on a superb holiday with some realy good friends or I did it anyway & took the risk.
my therapist also made me talk about it.... to Use the "v" word. Describe exactly how I felt. She MADE me face it. She also shared experiences of her own with me to demonstrate that most people arent keen on it but can get by. So I wasnt alone & she didnt judge me - she supported me through it. I also learned techniques to minimise my reaction to situations where the fear is triggered. And instead of "looking" for "triggers", I now try to go about my business without deliberately focusing on anything to do with "v". Not easy I know but necessary. In my case I'd just assumed that my fear was down to a physical thing that wasnt very pleasant. I have actually learned that some bad childhood experiences with my drunken brothers have influenced this phobia too. Drunk people to me = fear .... they are scary & unpredictable & a threat to me. Also I fear they'll be sick. its complicated but now I understand that, it helps me realise just why i get so anxious about it.
Well, I took the risk. I was scared of getting sick myself but still went on my first flight. The flight itself (being up there) was the scariest thing I've ever done. but since then I've Actually been on numerous flights. Even some where people were sick. Oddly enough the most rough flight I was on, everyone was fine. The thing is, I survived these experiences. As a result I have had some amazing holidays. Even though i fear flying & being stuck with all those people, I am definitely planning more holidays abroad because the end result is worth it. That is what I focus on when I'm feeling scared.
What i learned is that I can focus 100% all the time on my phobia or.... I can choose to distract myself with other things & get on with life. I agree that "control" is a factor. If other people are sick - none of us have any control over that. The thing is you cant do anything about it. There will be times when your fear is triggered..... but its necessary to accept it is a fact of life. Last week I had to face one of my biggest fears; my partner got sick, I mean really sick. Luckily nothing I could catch but I had to cope with that & take her to the hospital too (another trigger situation but I coudlnt abandon her so I braved it). Again I survived. yes I was anxious & scared but I kept telling myself 1) it wasnt happening to me & 2) I needed to look after my partner & be there for her. Well, here I am... much calmer this week & quite proud of the achievement really (even if its one I'd rather not talk about or have had to experience, but I did it).
For sure.... if you focus on nausea you will feel worse. I get it with my pmt. Hormonal migraine headaches that make me feel queasy. Actually right now that's exactly how I'm feeling... a bit yukky but I just have to get on with stuff to distract me & I know it will pass. Also I know I'm not going to be sick from it, but if I continue to focus on it, I'll definitely feel worse.
I know what I'm saying isnt a wonder cure... far from it. But My advice to anyone is: Seek help. Dont sit back in the comfort of your own home & let this phobia take over your life. I would love to make promises that if you "brave" it & get out there in the big wide world that your phobia will not be triggered but that would be unfair of me. As I'm sure you are all aware, letting the fear dictate how you lead your life is denying you things that would be fulfilling & enjoyable. So the rewards for taking risks over it are most definitely worth it. if the fear is bad enough that it's impacting on your day to day life, I would suggest seeking CBT for it as there can be many causes for phobias & having the help of a professional will help you come to terms with it & learn healthy alternative coping skills. Once you acquire those skills, it is easier to manage the situations that are not possible at the moment.