hey,
So my occupational therapist put me on a self-desentisation plan. take small steps down the street etc. That started in May. were in.... August and im still only about 12 doors down, 4 doors down is my only safety bubble. But i dont feel its working. I HATE it.
My attacks arent that bad campared the those who are having panic attacks throughout the day numerous times. But i feel awful. Its the breathing that worries me most. aswell as the neighbours, the neighbourhood, the strangers walkign up and down,the milk man, the post lady, everything! I feel like its not working, im too wrapped up in it all. Is there anything else i can do? i once considered a cpn {which i was origanally supposed to get} and have someone take me out. But i cant even do this with a family member, so i blew that idea right out of the window.
I see my mum go to the shop every so often and talk on the street to neghbours etc, and thinking back when she wouldnt even leave the house, its amazing, but i wont even go anywhere with her, she makes me more nervous, i dont know weather its because i apparently learnt my behaviour from her or not though. Im not great on my own for longperiod {longer than say 5-10 minutes} or if i know i cant get on touch with anyone, or theyve gone a fair distance {something else i learned from mum!} But to say,. im more comfortable with mum indoors, i hate being outside with her! it makes me sooo nervous.
Im at a stand still as to what to do. The small steps are so not working. I feel a pratt going for a walk 3-4 houses down and turnign around to walk back. i need some purpose, and yes becoming well again is a purpose but not a purpose to actually get some where. like id go to my sisters, but we dont really get on, her bf takes the p**s out of me for being housebound etc.
I think im gonna scream!
Becci
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