Originally Posted by
joannap
The thing with CBT is that you yourself have to do all the hard work to start to see improvements and it can take a long, long time and feel very difficult and challenging. I remember saying that my CBT therapist was stupid for asking me to keep a diary/write down when i was feeling anxious etc - how was that going to improve my mood?! BUT anxiety/depression tend to permeate every area of our lives and we often need to look at how we think/how we perceive people/situations/how we try to solve problems etc before we can pick things apart and start to change our thoughts/behaviours etc and i have to agree with elle kay - that you are seeing this guy sniffing/coughing as the reason why you are stressed etc but i would turn it round the other way and ask you to consider would this guy be getting on your nerves so much if you didn't feel so stressed/anxious to begin with? When you are irritated - any annoying noise can be magnified ten fold but you are mistaking this guy as being your problem when your problem is how you are reponding to it.
You can guarantee that this guy is going to stress the hell out of you for as long as you keep seeing him in the same light - i.e. you don't like him/don't share anything in common with him etc (how do you know that if you have never talked to him?) and i bet that's why your therapist was encouraging you to talk to him - so you could work on changing your perception of him. You could also try to change your perception of his coughing/sniffing - for example - you could feel sorry for him that he is suffering in this way or could say something to him like - "that sounds like a nasty cold you've had for a while". A positive problem solving approach would be to talk to your boss and explain it is affecting your work/ask if you can sit in a different area of the office etc.
The success of CBT is effective problem solving techniques for the things that we can change and learning to change your thinking and thus your emotions/moods to see a situation in a more positive light for things that are not within our conscious control. It is the hardest thing i have ever done and it does kind of need to be a lifetime approach rather than thinking a few sessions of therapy will fix you. Annoyance with a therapist is actually a good sign because it shows your usual way of thinking/perception is being challenged and that is the beginning of change.