Had CBT - What a Disappointment

[shyoldguy]

A few months ago I had a meltdown at work and swore and kicked out at some security barriers at work. I went to my GP, who referred me to the Lets Talk Wellbeing service.

I ended up having 8 sessions with a therapist. I was originally promised 12 sessions. I explained my problems: I was stressed because of this guy in my office who was continually coughing and sniffing due to some nasal problem (although it may have also been partly bad habit), I felt depressed, had long-term anxiety problems and had trouble making friends.

The therapist firstly got me recording all my activities during the day and how much enjoyment and satisfaction I got out of them. This I did right throught the therapy, even though I said I could n't see the point after the first couple of weeks. In fact I seemed to spend as much time writing up my activities as doing them.

Next up, he got me saying Hello to people at work I'd not spoken to before. Fine, that was going OK. Then he said, now I have to join a club/society. I thought that we had missed a stage where I would practive having conversations with people at work, but no, apparently, I had to go straight into joining a club.

I asked about how to deal with this irritating guy in my office. The noise of him coughing and sniffing is so distracting I have trouble concentrating on my work. Sometimes I have to leave the office to calm down. The therapist said all I have to do is to talk to this guy and get to know him. Right, even though I have trouble talking to people anyway, don't like the bloke and have nothing in common with him.

CBT has done nothing to help me at all. If I went back to my GP, is it possible to be referred to another type of therapy?

[Elle-Kay]

It sounds to me as though you could benefit from some sort of anger management counselling, which your GP should be able to refer you to. You seem to be transferring your frustrations at yourself and your situation onto external things; the guy at work, the CBT therapy/therapist.

[Mark13]

Wow, that's nothing like my experience of CBT (albeit 5 years ago).

TBH the sniffing bloke would drive me nuts too, but I have anxiety as well as you, so that's surely the reason

I don't think it's anything to do with anger, just being especially wound up anxiety-wise.

In fact the guy who sits behind me talks to himself, slurps his drink then gasps and sighs afterwards....gets me so on edge.

Not the reason I'm off work at the moment. I bet no-one notices but me, it's certainly a feature of anxiety, not being able to shut these things out.

Not sure how talking to him would help, I'm on good terms with the guy behind me, he still gets me on edge. I accept though that the problem is mainly mine not his.

Certainly when I'm especially calm, I would normally just ignore such irritations.

Obviously like all of us your anxiety needs to be addressed and I'm sure your CBT cousellor is tailoring it for your needs, but my course was all about catastophising, and faulty thinking. Didn't help a great deal, but I'm sure it's beneficial for lots of people.

[joannap]

The thing with CBT is that you yourself have to do all the hard work to start to see improvements and it can take a long, long time and feel very difficult and challenging. I remember saying that my CBT therapist was stupid for asking me to keep a diary/write down when i was feeling anxious etc - how was that going to improve my mood?! BUT anxiety/depression tend to permeate every area of our lives and we often need to look at how we think/how we perceive people/situations/how we try to solve problems etc before we can pick things apart and start to change our thoughts/behaviours etc and i have to agree with elle kay - that you are seeing this guy sniffing/coughing as the reason why you are stressed etc but i would turn it round the other way and ask you to consider would this guy be getting on your nerves so much if you didn't feel so stressed/anxious to begin with? When you are irritated - any annoying noise can be magnified ten fold but you are mistaking this guy as being your problem when your problem is how you are reponding to it.

You can guarantee that this guy is going to stress the hell out of you for as long as you keep seeing him in the same light - i.e. you don't like him/don't share anything in common with him etc (how do you know that if you have never talked to him?) and i bet that's why your therapist was encouraging you to talk to him - so you could work on changing your perception of him. You could also try to change your perception of his coughing/sniffing - for example - you could feel sorry for him that he is suffering in this way or could say something to him like - "that sounds like a nasty cold you've had for a while". A positive problem solving approach would be to talk to your boss and explain it is affecting your work/ask if you can sit in a different area of the office etc.

The success of CBT is effective problem solving techniques for the things that we can change and learning to change your thinking and thus your emotions/moods to see a situation in a more positive light for things that are not within our conscious control. It is the hardest thing i have ever done and it does kind of need to be a lifetime approach rather than thinking a few sessions of therapy will fix you. Annoyance with a therapist is actually a good sign because it shows your usual way of thinking/perception is being challenged and that is the beginning of change.

[Serenitie]

The thing with CBT is that you yourself have to do all the hard work to start to see improvements and it can take a long, long time and feel very difficult and challenging. I remember saying that my CBT therapist was stupid for asking me to keep a diary/write down when i was feeling anxious etc - how was that going to improve my mood?! BUT anxiety/depression tend to permeate every area of our lives and we often need to look at how we think/how we perceive people/situations/how we try to solve problems etc before we can pick things apart and start to change our thoughts/behaviours etc and i have to agree with elle kay - that you are seeing this guy sniffing/coughing as the reason why you are stressed etc but i would turn it round the other way and ask you to consider would this guy be getting on your nerves so much if you didn't feel so stressed/anxious to begin with? When you are irritated - any annoying noise can be magnified ten fold but you are mistaking this guy as being your problem when your problem is how you are reponding to it.

You can guarantee that this guy is going to stress the hell out of you for as long as you keep seeing him in the same light - i.e. you don't like him/don't share anything in common with him etc (how do you know that if you have never talked to him?) and i bet that's why your therapist was encouraging you to talk to him - so you could work on changing your perception of him. You could also try to change your perception of his coughing/sniffing - for example - you could feel sorry for him that he is suffering in this way or could say something to him like - "that sounds like a nasty cold you've had for a while". A positive problem solving approach would be to talk to your boss and explain it is affecting your work/ask if you can sit in a different area of the office etc.

The success of CBT is effective problem solving techniques for the things that we can change and learning to change your thinking and thus your emotions/moods to see a situation in a more positive light for things that are not within our conscious control. It is the hardest thing i have ever done and it does kind of need to be a lifetime approach rather than thinking a few sessions of therapy will fix you. Annoyance with a therapist is actually a good sign because it shows your usual way of thinking/perception is being challenged and that is the beginning of change.

I totally agree. Therapy of any kind needs to be viewed as a tool to help you to move forward. It requires a lot of effort and changes to attitude, behaviour & lifestyle on a daily basis in order to make progress. No therapy can offer a quick fix solution to any problem. It takes time, effort and perseverance.

I advised anger management as an option to pursue at the time of your crisis. This would be helpful in increasing your tolerance of work colleagues but you have to be prepared to take constructive criticism as part of this therapy in order to make progress. Wishing you well in resolving these issues.