increased from 10-20 mg

[karenp]

Well hopefully it is the med and you just adjusting to it....20mg's is the max doseage isn't it. How did you feel on the lower doses as maybe it is too strong for you? I'm going up in quaters and giving each dose a month to see how it effects me. I took my first 10mg's last night and today feel a little depressed, not bad but worse than I did yesterday when I felt really happy and normal and I have a weenie bit of aggitation (but my 2 monsters could be causing that, William has his cousin here and they are being so giggly and silly and silly at the mo and not even listening to me shouting William! Gabriel!!!, ha ha) Roll on my Sister coming to pick up her naughty boy, lol.
I need to go up to 10mg's though as I still wake up feeling anxious and low and have to take Lorazepam which I need to get oof but the Cipralex isn't quite doing it for me yet but almost...I am hoping I won't need to go any higher than 10mg's as getting up to 20mg's seems such a struggle for most people. I really hope you feel better soon. It might take about 6 weeks for you to really feel the benefits of going up to the highest dose (:

[swgrl09]

Thanks for your advice. Maybe I can ask my doctor tomorrow about going up by 5s instead of 10.

I felt pretty good on 10 mg for a few months actually. I started in September, and then maybe mid-november I started to fall into a rut again of depression. I kept going to therapy, but just couldn't get out of it. So my last session before Christmas my therapist suggested calling the doc to ask about an increase. My doc upped me to 20 mg and said we'd check in at my next appt (the one tomorrow). So I guess I'll have to see what she says.

I have diazepam 2 mg to use as needed and I feel guilty because I have been needing it more often to sleep ... like a couple times a week. I don't want to be dependent.

[swgrl09]

I am really struggling sleeping. I started taking my 20 mg in the morning instead of at night over the weekend, but hasn't really helped. I just feel like my anxiety has sky-rocketed and my depression is the same. So what to do now?

Going to my therapist after work today.

---------- Post added at 10:50 ---------- Previous post was at 08:54 ----------

At work and struggling through ... its not even 11 AM yet. I want to go home, sleep, cry, and just not deal. It's not worth going home though because then I'd have to come back out for therapy and I don't want to miss it. I just feel awful. Is it not sleeping, adjusting to the meds, too high of a dose?

My doctor said she wasn't ready to try another med because this one worked at 10 mg for a few months and just switched the dose ... so I could still be adjusting. I don't know. I was ok for most of the weekend actually until yesterday.

I just want to feel normal again.

[katy2104]

I know what you mean about feeling normal again. I have forgotton what the real me is!!! I reduced my dosage as per psych from 15 mg to 10 mg as after just over 2 weeks I was getting worse so now I'm adjusting back to 10 mg. I think 15 was too much or the increase was done too quickly. I don't know how much longer I can hang on to things with all the med changes I have dealt with over the past 6 months.

Also I think you should give yourself credit if you are even going to work as I have been off for 6 months as I cannot function properly so how people do when they start on these meds is beyond me. I have had a meeting today with HR re my absence and basically told me 'in the nicest possible way' if in another 2 months I'm no where near back they could terminate my employment...and this is the NHS!!!! They want to try seeing their sister of 3 young children die not even a week after being diagnosed with a brain tumour and then watch their Father die of a broken heart 3 months later. Oh and not forgetting in the middle of all that dealing with my daughter being sexually assaulted at school. So full of compassion these people!!!! and do they think I am enjoying my 'time off' right now??? I would give my limbs to get back to work! Sorry for rant

[swgrl09]

wow, you have been through so much no wonder you cannot work!!! Unfortunately it seems that business and money take precedence over mental health in the world today ... I am amazed that you can function! Good for you for working so hard.

I hope you are doing ok, and that your daughter is ok today. Wow, can't believe that. :(

Mine started really bad when my mom died, then I dealt with sexual abuse myself ... and the world expects you to just keep going, right?

[karenp]

Katy I am shocked at the NHS, the people you would think would understand, although am I really as nothing surprises me in this ruthless world we live in now. I was made to feel worried over losing my job when I first started with anxiety back in 2002 when I was sick literally 24/7 having my little boy but in the end I stopped feeling guilty and wished they could just see how ill I was and how they would like to wake up every day just wanting to go back to sleep again for some relief of the terrible anxiety and depression I felt at that time. Katy promise me you will think of yourself and just getting yourself better as I know jobs are important, we need money to live on but I'm on sick benefit at the mo and trust me, I am not starving, it's hard but I just think I've got all the time in the world once I kick this anxiety to go out and work again.
What you have gone through is unimaginable, not only to lose your Sister with small kiddies, to also lose your Dad and have to help your Daughter through an horrific ordeal too...it's enough to make anyone break down. I can't stand the thought of losing my Parents or any of my family let alone someone do something horrible to my little boy. (I'll PM you soon)
SW I am also so sorry you lost your Mum, as I've said I dread losing one of my parents as I know that's when I will be really ill again. And it's completely natural to feel so anxious when you lose someone so close. I hope time will be a healer and the Cipralex helps xxx
Going back to the NHS though, some doctors haven'ta clue what its like to suffer with anxiety, i don't think any one who has never suffered can begin to know how terrible it is as you tend to think depression is just feleing a bit fed up and low not that it can cause youfeel like you are even having a stroke or want to die because you just feel so grief stricken inside and hopeless.

[swgrl09]

i don't think any one who has never suffered can begin to know how terrible it is as you tend to think depression is just feleing a bit fed up and low not that it can cause youfeel like you are even having a stroke or want to die because you just feel so grief stricken inside and hopeless.

You are so right, karen. I agree 100%. Sometimes I cannot even describe what it feels like because it is like it becomes you. It's not just feeling sad, it's a whole way of being and it is so heavy and so hard.


I had my therapy session last night, it was rough but in a "therapeutic progress" way it was good. I never cry in therapy and last night I did. My therapist is trying to get my dad and my sister to go back in to see her. I am at the point where I am doing everything I can and they need to change too or the whole family will fall apart. It's just exhausting.

I slept a little better last night, I think because I was so wiped out and haven't been sleeping. I did wake up a few times but it was better than nothing. Didn't use diazepam or anything. I am going to try to avoid it if I can. Had trouble waking up today, almost called in sick to work but forced myself in. Maybe I will leave early.

[swgrl09]

still at work ... shut my office door and did some easy yoga poses to try to relax.

had a rough morning, a couple difficult clients, and some unexpected wedding planning stress. i will have to go drive 45 mins to my dads to pick up some paperwork before going home. maybe try to get ouf of here early still ..

[swgrl09]

Ended up having to stay home today ... just having a really difficult week, I hope I come out of this soon. I needed a day to just be alone and not have clients be b*tchy at me. I just wanted to sleep in.

I had to take a diazepam to sleep last night ... slept ok, although I wake up sweaty from time to time which worries my health anxiety. Also, woke up with a bad headache. I don't know if it is my bad neck/pillow or the meds.

[katy2104]

I am the same; woke up in a sweat, anxiety through the roof first thing and my dose has been REDUCED. Totally fed up of feeling like this with my head in a mess. I don't expect to feel wonderful however it would be encouraging just for some relief. I think my problem is my dose has been changed too much in a short time, not allowing me to get used to med.
I wouldn't worry about diazepam, my psych said just use them when you need them so long as you don't go mad. We won't always need them and I've succesfully come off them before and would never abuse them. Why suffer, give yourself a break x