Anxiety and cheating

[stay_gold]

I have been anxious about every aspect of my life, but the one thing I thought was perfect was the relationship with my girlfriend.
At 1st, I didn't wanna be with her cos I didn't want a relationship because I felt I was too insecure to be in one, tried to push her away but she kept coming back. I thought she could be the one but boy was I wrong.

Just find out that she cheated on me, well, I saw that she has an active profile on a sex site, used it today and everything. I wasn't even spying,I stumbled across it.

The thing that upsets me the most is that she went out of her way to get me to go out with her, she is so empthatic about being faithful as it ruined her parents relationship, and she made out she was so against it.

Now I'm here with a numb face, wondering how I'm gonna deal with this, it's deffo over but I'm gonna have to go and get checked whick i'm scared of for a start.

Help me please!
Was so optimistic about 2013, now that's changed.

[MissHDynamite]

Hello Stay..

Sorry to hear that things are not going well for you at the moment. I don't want to speak out of turn but we are here to help and for me being honest to ourselves and others is a good start.

It sounds to me that both of you are not quite ready to be in a long term relationship. You say she has a profile on sex site which has upset you.. which I agree is totally wrong for any girl/woman however, you also say "you stumbled across it having used it today".. I do appreciate in todays world these things are used frequently by many but if your honest with yourself either having a profile on one or using one for pleasure whilst being in a relationship can't be a good sign that your with the right person.

I shouldn't worry about it and put it down to experience and try to move on.. the right one will come along when your least expecting it All the best and make plans to enjoy yourself in the New Year x

[stay_gold]

Hey MissHDynamite,

I came across it cos she forgot to delete her history and as I typed the first letter for facebook, i saw the address for the site she was on, I got curious and clicked on it. That's how I stumbled across it.

[MissHDynamite]

Oh right.. apologies then.. sounded as though you had been using the site and stumbled across her.

Have you spoke to her about it? I know I am old fashioned at 47 and don't agree with it but it could be that she has a reason for doing this sort of thing. It might be that she isn't having actual sex with other people and in depserate need of the money.. you just never know what's behind it. Not all the people who work on these sites are bad people and do it for various reasons.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do though nothing worse than heartache when you've got it.. keep yourself busy

[stay_gold]

I haven't told her yet, she's still at work. I don't know what I'm going to say.
I feel sick and will do right until I get the results back from the clinic. It will take 3 months b4 I can even do the HIV test.
I haven't heard from her all day so I suspect she suspects something.
I'm just gonna end it because the trust will be gone no matter what she says, and sex with people I don't know has given me bad OCD in the past, and know those horrible feelings are back. I'm not gonna be a great person to be around.
I really thought she was different.

[MissHDynamite]

Well don't be too hard on yourself.. as they say.. crap happens, its how you deal with it that matters. Don't let it get you down and I am sure you will be ok with any tests your having done. Concentrate on yourself and have a Happy New Year

[Col]

Stay gold hi,

I think whatever relationship your in, this isn't good and yes it's easy 4 me to say this through a computer BUT I'm black and white when it comes to cheating & personally this would be an automatic redcard for me! I'd loose trust and anyway once on that slippery slope & that person has got away with something once, if they were to do it and worse a second time, can u imagine how you'd feel then.

My sincere sympathies are with you & Good luck

[stay_gold]

Thanks dynamite.

Col, you are so right about that thanks, its just how to deal with the aftermath. I'm new to these kind of problems.

[Col]

Stay gold , I know, I can imagine its how to pick up the pieces once you've dealt with it.
The choice is yours , it's easy to say - oh your better off without her but, it's never that easy in reality.

Do what's best for you, see what she says. But from my experience seeing the effect my dads affairs had on my mum, personally I couldn't take it. Anything from Internet sites such as those you mentioned to a full blown affair, couldn't bare it, I'd live every day in fear of it happening again and what could happen. Trust is a major part of any relationship and once this is broken, I think it's hard to build a relationship without its foundation- trust!

Takecare thinking of you