Anyone else think they'll never be in a relationship?

[Rls1994]

I think about this sometimes and it gets me down on some occasions because some people say things like 'Wow! You're 18 and never been in a relationship haha that's terrible!' or 'You should have had at least ONE relationship by now at 18!', I always reply with something like 'Yeah well, I have plenty of time for that sort of stuff when I'm older, unlike some people'. But I'm worried that I won't ever be in a relationship when I'm older either.

I'm socially awkward, and I mean REALLY awkward when around other people, so I don't see myself in a relationship anytime soon... I don't know if it's just shyness or what. People complain and say that I'm the most quiet person they've ever seen, that I'm boring and should not associate with anyone in the world.. It annoys me that some people expect you to be really talkative and open about everything like they are. I'm a really nice person and like to help people who treat me nicely, and I like to put other people first before myself. I saved up £230 to buy my Mum a tablet (it's like a computer but smaller) since she always gets me everything. I've always been like this, but it seems to get me nowhere.

I get annoyed when I see people with an inflated ego, is arrogant, likes to start fights and back chats to the tutors at college that are in a relationship. I just think 'how?...'

I also think my appearance is why I've never been in a relationship. I'm not exactly eye candy, although some people have said I look 'nice', but I always think they say that to make me feel better. Also, I did know some guys at college that said I looked 'pretty' and all and that others said I should have dated them but they were only after one thing (I'm sure you know what I mean by this), which I absolutely hate. I'd like to be with someone who likes me for who I am, and not use me..

I'm sad, but I'm worried that I will never find anyone, especially with the way I act and stuff around people.

Can anyone relate?

[Tyke]

I used to feel like this, but at 18 you really don't need to worry. People used to say stuff to me about not having a girlfriend and for a long time I thought I would never have a relationship that would last. Like you say though, plenty of truly horrendous people manage it because they are arrogant and pushy enough, so there is no reason to think you won't get there eventually (I did), you just need to build up your confidence and concentrate on your qualities as a person.

Some people I know are never out of a relationship. If they finish with someone, they are sorted out with someone else within a matter of weeks (sometimes days or even less). Anxious people tend to be a bit more cautious, but it doesn't mean that we are any worse off for that, we probably have a much more satisfying and enjoyable relationships when we do find someone.

It takes all sorts to make up a world, and it's no crime being quiet. I'm sure I am thought of as 'boring' by many I've met, but hey, I found someone else who would probably be boring to them too and guess what - we're both happy with each other! Just be yourself and don't be pushed around by others and their unkind comments. If you want to find someone, try and broaden your circle to meet as many people as you can and show them that you are a nice person! Don't be pressurised though, you don't have to be in a relationship if you are happy as you are.

Best of luck for 2013!

Tyke

[Rls1994]

Tyke, thank you for your reply!

I also knew a friend at college that was constantly in new relationships every week or so, and I'm not being horrible or anything but after like, their 12th relationship ended or so in the space of 5 months I started to think 'maybe you should give up'. They wasn't exactly nice anyway, they were always mouthing at people and getting irritated when they didn't get what they want.

I'm kind of a geek haha, so I guess I should look for someone with similar tastes in games and stuff. I remember having a friend at college who liked a lot of the same stuff as me and I started to like him a whole lot, but later I discovered that he was gay. :( Typical!

This is what is irritating though, sometimes I really wish I was with someone then other days I'm glad I am single.

I remember some guy asking me out in secondary school, and I was kinda interested so we went along with it. A day later I heard nothing from him, absolutely nothing. When he saw me in school he pretended I didn't even exist and that carried on forever! What was that all about? :( I didn't bother after that.

You're definitely right about being yourself though, I've always seemed to do it quite well. But I don't really like who I am and I'm trying to improve that. Sometimes I even pity myself but I mostly just dislike myself. I guess that's what's turning people off from me? My low confidence.

[mikewales]

You are only 18, you have plenty of time for relationships and getting tied down, just enjoy the fact you are single and can do what you want for now. A lot of people just jump into a relationship with anyone as they are basically scared of being on their own, so end up going out with someone completely wrong for them just for the sake of it.

[serendipity_x]

I'm 22, I've been on dating websites since I was 18. I've been on a few dates but nothing long term has ever come out of it. I think I'll probably be living alone with cats when I'm old at this rate. But I hold on to that smidgeon of hope- good things come to all who wait and all that.
Plus you have to learn to love yourself before someone else can love you otherwise the relationship can become based on dependency and thats the worst type of loneliness.

[Rls1994]

I know I have plenty of time, I mentioned it in my first post and I'm not overally bothered about it right now. I'm just worried that even when I'm in let's say, my thirties and I'm still single.

Seren, you're right, I definitely need to accept myself for who I am. If someone compliments me I usually say 'No, that's not true' or something, I guess that's whats pushing people away. :(

[swgrl09]

i was the exact same way as you, felt the same. now im 24 and engaged to my best friend! you never know what the future will bring. once i stopped looking and accepted it, he showed up in my life!

[Rls1994]

^ That's awesome! I'm happy for you.

You are correct, the best things seem to come when least expected!

[Mr Brownstone]

You sound pretty much exactly like me, well mostly. Im 20 years older than you, and cant see myself ever being in a proper relationship. Ok, ive been in one or two that bordered on normal, however I knew with both of them that I wasnt going to spend my life with them, so went through the motions for most of the time. I just have absolutely no desire to live with someone! It would drive me insane I think

Not that any of that is linked to what your original post is saying. The only thing Id add is that you shouldnt care what other people think. You are not living their life, you're living yours

[Rls1994]

Thank you for the reply Brownstone.

I guess I always worry about messing up in the relationship too. I definitely fear rejection and stuff, so I always let someone ask me first if they'd like a relationship. Not like that'll ever happen anyway.. :/ I've had a few guys that have taken interest in me, but they ALWAYS talked about sexual stuff, nothing else. So after that, I stopped talking to them, because I knew that's what they were only after.

I cannot tell who's genuine and not though anymore really.